Table of Contents
Dedication:
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 23
CHAPTER 24
CHAPTER 25
CHAPTER 26
CHAPTER 27
CHAPTER 28
CHAPTER 29
CHAPTER 30
CHAPTER 31
CHAPTER 32
CHAPTER 33
CHAPTER 34
CHAPTER 35
CHAPTER 36
CHAPTER 37
CHAPTER 38
CHAPTER 39
CHAPTER 40
CHAPTER 41
CHAPTER 42
CHAPTER 43
CHAPTER 44
CHAPTER 45
CHAPTER 46
CHAPTER 47
CHAPTER 48
CHAPTER 49
CHAPTER 50
CHAPTER 51
CHAPTER 52
CHAPTER 53
CHAPTER 54
CHAPTER 55
CHAPTER 56
CHAPTER 57
CHAPTER 58
CHAPTER 59
CHAPTER 60
CHAPTER 61
CHAPTER 62
CHAPTER 63
CHAPTER 64
CHAPTER 65
CHAPTER 66
CHAPTER 67
CHAPTER 68
CHAPTER 69
CHAPTER 70
CHAPTER 71
CHAPTER 72
CHAPTER 73
CHAPTER 74
CHAPTER 75
CHAPTER 76
CHAPTER 77
CHAPTER 78
CHAPTER 79
CHAPTER 80
CHAPTER 81
CHAPTER 82
CHAPTER 83
CHAPTER 84
CHAPTER 85
CHAPTER 86
CHAPTER 87
CHAPTER 88
CHAPTER 89
CHAPTER 90
CHAPTER 91
CHAPTER 92
CHAPTER 93
CHAPTER 94
CHAPTER 95
CHAPTER 96
CHAPTER 97
CHAPTER 98
CHAPTER 99
CHAPTER 100
CHAPTER 101
CHAPTER 102
CHAPTER 103
CHAPTER 104
CHAPTER 105
CHAPTER 106
CHAPTER 107
CHAPTER 108
CHAPTER 109
CHAPTER 110
CHAPTER 111
CHAPTER 112
CHAPTER 113
CHAPTER 114
CHAPTER 115
CHAPTER 116
CHAPTER 117
CHAPTER 118
CHAPTER 119
CHAPTER 120
CHAPTER 121
CHAPTER 122
CHAPTER 123
Acknowledgements:
THE KIRK CLAN Street Team
About the Authors
Excerpt from Drop Dead Demons
Demons in Disguise
by
A&E Kirk
Copyright © 2015 by A&E Kirk
ISBN: reserved
Book Layout by Cheryl Perez: yourepublished.com
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by an electronic or mechanical means, or the facilitation thereof, including storage and retrieval systems, without prior written permission from the author, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
This is a work of fiction. Any similarities between the characters, places or events that take place in this book are strictly coincidental.
Visit us online at: www.aekirk.com
Dedication:
In loving memory of Fred - awesome Dad and Grampy.
One day, we'll write about werewolves just for you.
CHAPTER 1
Our date was officially ruined when the waiter slobbered a glob of toxic swamp-green spit into my water.
Okay, technically, the demon had hawked the foul phlegm from the horned snout on its wrinkled piggy-face and into a crystal carafe of water, then used the carafe to refill my glass, but either way, my gleaming goblet now churned with a sludgy muck, bubbling and burping like a wicked witch’s brew.
The demon offered me my glass, slimy smoke twirling off the surface. “Your water, miss.”
You mean my poison.
“Ah,” I cleared my throat to get rid of the squeak in my voice. “I’m not thirsty. Maybe later.” Or never. I casually lifted a steak knife off the table and pretended to check my reflection in the shiny, real-silver silverware surface, and instead saw the demon leaning toward me over the table and holding the goblet closer to my face.
“Hey!” I reeled back.
Ugly demonic danger should not have been happening in the Gossamer Falls Country Club’s fine dining restaurant. The place was filled with nothing but etiquette, good taste, mood lighting, soft music—and a whole lot of innocent people.
The hideously formed beast didn’t belong.
Sure, they all couldn’t be Eros, but between the snouty schnozzola and pockmarked skin covered with broken blisters oozing pallid yellow pestilence, this thing kick-started my gag reflex. So much for starving myself all day for the swanky meal. My appetite was currently curling up into a cowering ball of nausea.
Super.
While the creature looked around, uncertain of what to do, I dropped the steak knife into my lap and covered it with my napkin. Hopefully, I wouldn’t have to use it before my date got back, but it was more than a little worrisome that Ayden Ishida, a demon hunter, had sauntered out for a mysterious errand and walked right past the hellion without noticing him. Hunters couldn’t see demons when they possessed humans, but this one wasn’t possessing anybody.
Ayden probably didn’t want to mention it and mess up our evening after the weeks of military precision planning he’d put into our first “normal” and perfect romantic date. I’d gotten all gussied up too, wearing a silky dress and even a sassy pair of ankle boots made for strutting.
If the country club didn’t have a strict “No Demons” policy, I knew what was the next suggestion I was suggesting in the lobby’s Suggestion Box.
I struggled to remain calm. If this demon encounter went sideways, the fine china would display guts and gore along with gourmet goodies.
Where was Ayden?
The foul cretin slid the glass across the crisp, white linen table cloth, leaving thin rips and snail-track smudges where his claws scratched and his crusty skin scraped against the delicate fabric.
Chills of terror spiked my skin and a cold sweat threatened to burn through the copious amounts of antiperspirant slathered in my armpits. Ayden’s choice for a booth in the farthest, darkest, most private corner of the expansive room was great when it was just him and me. Me and Snouty Schnozz? Not so much.
“Please, miss.” Green drool dribbled down the corners of his mouth and mixed with yellow slime from the open sores. “Have some water. You look parched.”
And you look ugly.
I pulled my menu up
in front of my face. “I’ll wait for my date.”
Ignore him, Aurora. Don’t engage. Delay until you fully understand the situation, and always wait for backup. This mantra had been part of my training.
The sucktastic server glared at me, then grumbled, “Of course, miss.” Before lumbering away, he paused to fill Ayden’s goblet with the same vile concoction from his carcinogenic carafe.
Like my love life didn’t have enough problems, let’s add “fatally poison the finally-really-for-real boyfriend” to the list. But at least the imminent demon danger had passed. He seemed happy to stand back and observe from afar, no doubt counting on me becoming a Dead Nex Walking.
Could it be I’d diverted imminent demonic disaster? Caught a break? That never happened. All I had to do now was wait patiently for that backup.
An elderly man spoke to the demon waiter. “Sorry to bother you, but I ordered champagne and—”
“Honey,” his wife said in a scolding tone. “You can’t drink champagne. Remember your heart.”
“Just one sip for a toast. It’s our anniversary, and my heart belongs to you.” The man kissed her cheek, making her blush.
Awww. How cute were they? I actually recognized them. Well, him. Old Man Cyrus. He owned the hardware store next to my mom’s flower shop. A sweet guy. And, apparently, quite the charmer.
The demon nodded without saying a word and kept going. Good boy.
“Excuse me, you there?” a man at a table near the front called to the demon. “Could you take my son back to the childcare center? His name is Seth. They know him there.”
The demon paused. I was sure he’d say no or ignore the man and keep going, since the creature seemed determined to maintain a low profile. But then his creepy, clawed hands picked up a little boy about five years old and took him away.
Crap.
CHAPTER 2
By the time I scrambled out of the deeply cushioned, u-shaped booth, the demon and the boy were nowhere in sight. I weaved and bobbed through tables, almost knocking over several human waiters as I ran across the room. I was almost out when…
“Lahey? Well, don’t you clean up nice.”
I paused. “Oh, hi, Coach Slader. Thanks.”
He was my P.E. teacher. The only teacher to even consider giving me an A, despite the fact that I was responsible for the destruction of his car. Twice. Granted, he didn’t know that last part. Then I realized something else.
“Coach, did a waiter just take your son to the childcare center?”
“Yep.” He put his arm around the woman next to him. “The missus and I need our alone time. Honey, let me introduce—”
Just my luck.
“Gotta go!” I started to sprint off, then noticed Coach about to pour his wife some water from a particular crystal carafe of bubbling green sludge. I whirled back, grabbed the carafe out of his hands and dumped it into the nearest trashcan. I heard a sizzle as putrid smelling smoke began to fill the room.
“Hey, Lahey,” Coach Slader yelled. “What the heck was that!”
I thought about apologizing, but instead kept going, figuring my only “possible A” had just crashed and burned.
It took me ages to find the childcare center. The country club was not my usual turf, and I was worried and confused and easily turned around. I was so upset that my hands were glowing with power when I finally found it.
Through the door’s window I saw a bunch of kids having all kinds of fun with several women monitoring the different groups. Children’s music blared as the kids sang along in loud, joy-filled voices. My eyes tracked through the crowd and found Coach Slader's son. He and three other kids were riding on the back of some man who was crawling around on all-fours and making growling noises.
“Thank goodness,” I sighed and leaned against the wall, taking several settling breaths.
I had to calm down before I went back since glowing skin was not the country club norm. I needed to find Ayden, then we’d deal with the demon and salvage this date. I pushed myself off the wall, headed down the hall and around the corner.
“Hello.”
“Aaaaack!” I jumped backwards and tucked my glowing hands under my arms. Talk about sweaty. So much for the “anti” part of the antiperspirant.
The demon blocked my path. “Don’t you remember me? I’m your waiter. I thought we could walk back together.”
Was he kidding?
I glanced back toward the childcare center and the squeals of happy kids. Lots of kids.
“No! Go away!” Hands still under my arms, I made an awkward shooing gesture with my shoulder.
“Come with me,” he said, then spit into his clawed hand and readied to fling the slobber of green goo in my face.
“No!” I dodged away, but not before some spit splattered into my eye, stinging like crazy. My vision started to blur, but I could focus well enough to see the snout and more drool heading my way.
Instinctively, my hand shot out to stop him, and with it, a jagged line of white light sizzled forth to cut a massive hole through the demon’s chest. He clutched the gaping wound, charred and smoking around the edges. The snout opened, but there was no sound except for a pathetic gurgling as greenish-black syrup spilled out. The body teetered, then fell back in a heaping thud.
I stared at the fallen creature. I stared at my hand, still glowing. “Oh, God.” Little sparks flickered between my fingers.
I heard running footsteps. Someone was coming, which was fine, sort of, as long as the body was gone. Although it was a demon body, so normal folk couldn’t see it anyway. But in the restaurant, Coach did, so it must have looked human to him.
But again, it didn’t matter, because dead demons disappear anyway.
So I waited for the body to scatter into a swirling black mist and vortex into the ground. That’s what demons did. You killed them. And then poof! Mist, vortex, gone. Voila!
In an unfortunate turn of events, however, there was currently no voila-ing going on.
“Come on, come on! Hurry up!” I kept my voice low, even though I wanted to scream. I nudged the body with my toe then jumped back in case I got caught in the vortex. You never know.
The running feet rounded the corner, and…whew! It was another demon. Well, not whew, because—another demon?!—but at least it wasn’t a human who might freak out over a grotesque, dead, supernatural creature.
This hellion had a long beak sticking out of its scaly red face and wore the country club’s valet uniform. The monster stared at the body on the floor, then at me. With an angry snarl, it charged.
I snapped my glowing hands up in front of me. The door to the childcare opened and a group of youngsters walked out. The demon stopped.
One of the kids said, “Told you I heard something. Hi. Who are you?”
The demon pointed at me standing next to the body and yelled, “Oh my God, she killed someone!”
There were a few confused shouts and cries of alarm inside the room. The children outside stared at me, then at the body on the floor. Then their little bodies froze, feet rooted to the spot as their eyes became big as pancakes. They quivered and quaked from head to toe. Their miniature lungs finally built up steam and let loose screams that could shatter glass.
At least one little urchin was able to form words. “She killed her! She killed her!”
Then there were chants of “Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!”
“No! I didn’t do anything.” I waved my hands. They still glowed.
“Eeeek! She’s an alien!”
“It’s an invasion!”
Masses of kids ran away, but more came out screaming and crying.
A slithering black serpent crashed through the wall of the childcare room and snapped around my waist. What the—! I grabbed the thing. It felt odd, not a slimy snake. A whip? But not leather, it—
“What the bloody frigging hell!”
Matthias looked utterly imposing and fierce as his swirling black eyes took in the scene. He took a moment
to scowl at me, because, you know, when did he not, then the whip came off my waist and the lights went out. At least in my section of the hallway. The other end and the childcare center remained lit.
“Everyone out!” Matthias ordered. “Ladies, let’s take the children that way into the lobby and wait for their parents.”
I could see the women taking charge and leading the children away. They glanced in my direction, but didn’t react. Apparently, the dead body and I were cloaked in darkness.
Matthias jerked a hostile finger at me and mouthed, “Stay here!” as he helped usher the group of munchkins out of harm’s way.
Then the fire alarms went off.
CHAPTER 3
Lights in the ceiling flashed in time with the blaring bells. I had my hands pressed over my ears to block out the worst of it as I paced around the body, feeling like I was playing some morbid game of ring-around-the-rosy.
De-mons, de-mons, we’re all gonna die!
Matthias said to stay, so I was staying, but maybe I should've at least dragged the body into a broom closet in case someone came along. I fiddled with my necklace, enjoying the feel of the cold metal against my hot skin. I still glowed, but in a steady low-voltage way, nervous energy tingling through my pores. Nervous and very confused energy.
“I know you’re dead,” I told the corpse. “So why don’t you poof away like a good little demon.” Not that he was little. This “little piggy” was thick and ten-feet tall. I probably couldn’t move him anyway.
A shadow flashed over my head an instant before something dug into my forearms. I felt a sharp pain as a thin piece of wire sliced into my skin. It would have slit my throat if my hands hadn’t been up covering my ears.
The garrote pinned my arms to my chest and shoved my body up against the creature standing behind me. A beak stuck out over my shoulder. The demon in the valet uniform had doubled back for the kill.
So glad I stayed. Good thing I'd dressed for the occasion.
I raked one boot heel down the demon’s shin and stomped on its foot at the same moment my blasty power surged on my arms, taking only a second to heat the wire to a bright orange-red and snap it apart.
The sudden release sent my attacker’s hands flying out sideways. I reached both hands back, grabbed his thin, bony noggin, ducked low, and pulled his head down toward my side, flipping him over my shoulder. He recovered faster than I did, getting to his feet while I staggered for my balance on the heels and clutched at the flash of hot pain along my side.