ALL PROCEEDS GENERATED BY THIS PROJECT WILL BE DONATED QUARTERLY TO AREA FOOD BANKS. Most of us have written letters to Santa. However, what would Jason Voorhees, a vampire, a zombie, or Medusa ask for? The call went out, and as usual, the horror community stepped forward with some fun, entertaining, tongue-in-cheek letters to the fat man up north. Keep the spirit of giving alive year round.ALL PROCEEDS GENERATED BY THIS PROJECT WILL BE DONATED QUARTERLY TO AREA FOOD BANKS. (The hunger does not end after the holidays...many of these organizations struggle during the "off" seasons.)Most of us have written letters to Santa. However, what would Jason Voorhees, a vampire, a zombie, or Medusa ask for? The call went out, and as usual, the horror community stepped forward with some fun, entertaining, tongue-in-cheek letters to the fat man up north. Share some of these with your little goblins and keep the spirit of giving alive year round.

John would rather sit and watch the game, but his wife needs some things at the store. Can he complete the list and get back in time to see the end of the game?John is a dumb white husband. That is to say that he loves and cares for his family, is successful in his career, popular around the neighborhood, can dress himself (often without injury) and is capable of reasonable thought. Demographically, however, he functions like a 4-year-old that can’t quite master the intricacies of the potty.It isn’t his fault. He studied hard and got a college degree. He works hard and earns a comfortable living. But, like all other dumb white husbands, he leads a dual life; competent member of society by day, helpless male by night, weekends and holidays.He has served for years as the nervous legal department-approved foil of commercials, TV and movies. And, for this service, we thank him. No one has ever cared to look inside the mind of the dumb white husband – probably for a fear of what we might find – but, if we took a minute to consider it, we may see that he’s not as dumb as we all think. But, he probably is.In this adventure, Dumb White Husband goes to the grocery store.Also available in the collected edition The Big Book of Dumb White Husband.

Grange, Florida, is, famous for its miracles-the weeping fiberglass Madonna, the Road-Stain Jesus, the stigmata man. And now it has JoLayne Lucks, unlikely winner of the state lottery. Unfortunately, JoLayne's winning ticket isn't the only one. The other belongs to Bodean Gazzer and his raunchy sidekick, Chub, who want the whole $28 million jackpot to start their own underground militia. But JoLayne Lucks has her own plans for the Lotto money, and when Bode and Chub brutally assault her and steal her ticket, she vows to track them down, take it back-and get revenge. The only one who can help is Tom Krome, a big-city investigative journalist now writing frothy features for a mid-sized newspaper. He is about to become part of a story that's bigger and more bizarre than anything he's ever covered. Chasing two heavily armed psychopaths is reckless enough, but Tom's got other problems-including his fugitive wife and his own growing fondness for the future millionairess with whom he's risking his neck. The pursuit takes them to a buzzard-infested island deep in Florida Bay, where they finally catch up with the fledgling militia-and their baffled hostage, a Hooters waitress. The climax explodes with the hilarious mayhem that is Carl Hiaasen's hallmark. Lucky You is his funniest, most deliriously gripping novel yet. BONUS: This edition includes an excerpt from Carl Hiaasen's Bad Monkey.

Eliza Leslie, frequently referred to as Miss Leslie, was an American author of popular cookbooks during the nineteenth century.

A Guest at the Ludlow and Other Stories is presented here in a high quality paperback edition. This popular classic work by Bill Nye is in the English language, and may not include graphics or images from the original edition. If you enjoy the works of Bill Nye then we highly recommend this publication for your book collection.

John Kendrick Bangs (May 27, 1862 – January 21, 1922) was an American author, editor and satirist. This volume contains the THE IDIOT AT HOME of the famous humorous series "The Idiot", written by American author, editor and satirist John Kendrick Bangs, in which an odd character of simple thinking out-foxes those who think they are his better. While reading it, you won't be able to control yourself at times, and you will just laught outloud...

How an avid dog lover gets a glimpse into what is in store for Man's Best FriendHow an avid dog lover gets a glimpse into what is in store for Man's Best Friend.

Kenaeth Goldwrite's life got chaotic when he became a landlord for six alien women.It gets even worse when the time traveler shows up, to teach him how to manipulate space-time. Now others are after both of them.Will Kenaeth survive?"Have you ever thought about sharing your culture with those who know little about Earth?"Five years ago, the aliens came.During the transition period, Kenaeth Goldwrite fills out an application to have 'aliens' stay at his house, thinking nothing would come of it.Now he's a landlord to six female tenants. Then there's the time traveler who says he's come to help Kenaeth for something he did in the past, by teaching him how to manipulate time, and three other time travelers are after both of them.Will Kenaeth survive? More importantly, will he keep his sanity while being hopelessly outnumbered in the battle of the sexes?The chaos starts in this first book!Available free for a limited time!

Landing in Singapore without a passport, Clarity Nice is led to an important forum on health and longevity, attended by Taoist Master Professor Chang, and billionaire Dao Bin. A member of a Secret Society warns Clarity of the dangers of esoteric knowledge taught by Chang, some of which is stored in a chart which holds the mystery of immortality, Meridian 57, that Clarity must protect from Chang.After landing at Changi airport in Singapore without a passport, with her friends Lanai and former Herbaline employee Ambi Mivel, teleoperator Clarity Nice is set aside before customs by a hostess from Singapore Airlines, Devi. Devi has connections with a Secret Society of warrior monks known as the Society of the Enlightened Jade Dragon, and she gets Clarity a passport with diplomatic status and a false name, Darcy Emmers, along with a badge confirming her credentials with the company which paid for her ticket, the diet and weight prevention company, Herbaline.Clarity trusts Devi, who simply says she is a friend, and leads Clarity to an important Forum on health and longevity, attended by Taoist Master Professor Chang, and Owens & Owell heiress Shalia Owell, who becomes infatuated with Clarity. Left on her own without Devi, Clarity stays close to Shalia, befriending her, learning of the various insecurities of the wealthy socialite. The blond girl is reassured by the presence of Clarity, and simply wants to get her board seat back from a stern father who disapproves of her marriage with good looking girlfriend and human sexuality university student Jenny Owens.Devi gets in touch with Clarity, telling her that she must protect a chart which holds the mystery of immortality, known as Meridian 57, built by the monks of the Enlightened Jade Dragon Society after years of studying the Taoist canons. Coveted by Singapore billionaire Dao Bin, and a White Tigress linked to Professor Chang, Madame Wa, the chart is part of a module inside the symbolic decryptor of Clarity, who is told by the monks that the esoteric knowledge inside the module is not ready to be revealed.When a shipment of rare earth metals addressed to Owens & Owell is stolen by Dao Bin, Singapore authorities from the ministry of Media and Communications begin inquiring, questioning Shalia Owell about the circumstance of the theft. Caught in a business struggle between Dao Bin and Owens & Owell, Clarity must trust her intuition and her new friends of the Enlightened Dragon, to overcome the ruse of Dao Bin and Madame Wa, who is luring Shalia Owell into her own Secret Society, the Shade of the White Lotus.

Tragedy strikes top-rated TV show "Symphonic Idol" when one of the musical judges is found dead onstage, and everyone's a suspect in this classical twist on the detective story...It all begins in a contemporary setting, a political retreat on the remote Cumberland Island in southeast Georgia. The president and the presidential candidate, find themselves lost and alone together, during a year when the planets are aligned in a rare 'Cosmic Singularity'...within the newly relabeled Bermuda Quadrangle. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, the two are whisked away unharmed by a tornado, to another place, to another dimension, to another existence where primitive cultures live. BamaOay is recognized by one faction of primitives as their leader. His mission: to unite and defeat the demons he calls "The Tea Baggers."Warning: This novel will be too provocative for most overly sensitive, PC-embracing readers. If you happen to be part of a PC police squad for your neighborhood, I would suggest you stop here, and move on...

1 human day = 7 dog days = 14 tourist days. This is the philosophy that undergirds the comic novel 'Viewmaster'. Roy, recovering alcoholic & proprietor of Golden Rules B & B in San Francisco, is shaken & stirred by a mix of tourists, dogs & even a human being or two that will break your balls & your heart. If life were a cocktail his would be the love child of Molotov & Shirley Temple.The character-driven comic novel Viewmaster is a chick flick with balls and a twelve-step program that takes the elevator. Roy, recovering alcoholic and proprietor of Golden Rules Bed and Breakfast in San Francisco, lets the world into his home with a hospitality that resembles speed-dating and spends all his free time doing battle with his house, a former brothel that lists to the side like the inebriated prostitutes that used to ply it. He is assisted by his cohort, Tipton, the gaily Republican travel agent with several multiple-personality disorders and a pet-sitting business with a working title that pees on your carpet – “Pooch Smooch”.The arrival of Celestine, a guest with a secret who puts the ‘sex’ back in sexagenarian, unleashes the passions of Roy and Porky, infectiously good-natured Filipino-American neighbor and price gouging plumber. Porky abandons San Francisco and his wife to follow Celestine. Roy, with his growing love for Porky’s difficult daughter Maria, sets out to bring him back. When Roy’s romance with Maria and his pursuit of Porky go seriously off track, he turns to guest Maxine, born-again Southern Baptist (“I’m a titanium magnolia, tougher than steel”), endearing cliché and something of a savior herself. She gives Roy a choice: Jesus or Jack Daniels? Roy contemplates a third way.

Stacie, Tiffany and Yadira hope to shut down their rental house and get back their security deposit before leaving town, but first they have to fix the gaping hole in the adobe wall and rid themselves of unwanted graduation "presents," both the result of an uproarious final party. This comic co-ed romp will keep you chuckling.After Tina crosses paths with Damon Blackdart, she discovers that her soul houses another, dormant soul, Trinity, Damon’s Beloved, who died centuries ago. Damon tries to draw Trinity forward and when he succeeds, Tina befriends her and learns that Damon is part of the Lueeshareteers (Bloodeaters), powerful creatures old as time itself, whose three clans live in seeming peace and rule the world from shadows. After she is swept from Damon’s grasp by the Dumes, Trinity’s children, she also learns that vampires are not at the top of the food chain.Excerpt:Damon went up the stairs and stopped three stairs beneath her. “You better get back to your room and put on some slippers. You are going to get a cold running around barefoot.”Was he joking or being serious? Not that Tina cared. The only thing she cared about was getting out of this house, away from him and from that creature. “I know what you must be thinking.” He stepped up.She stepped back.“What is he going to do?” He advanced on her.She maintained the distance of three stairs between them. “Is he going to hurt me?” Damon took another step up. “Is he going to rape or even kill me?” She had run out of stairs. She turned on her heel and was about to run down the hallway, when she bumped into something. She looked up and there he was, standing before her. “How did you --”He grabbed her arm, holding her in place. “But you see, if I intended to do any of that, I would have done it already.”“Then what do you want with me?” She tried to wiggle her arm out of his grasp. “You have something that I want.” His fingers crawled up her arm. “Something very special.”“What?”He smiled down on her, a soft, friendly smile that made him look like an innocent young boy. “Stay here, you have nothing to return to.” He gently caressed her shoulder. “I have been in your mind, I have seen how you live. Looking for a job, worrying about when the money your grandmother left you runs out and in the meantime trying to live as modestly as you can. I even felt your loneliness. Is this life?”Tina looked at those green eyes that knowingly waited for her reply. A beautiful face, such an innocent smile, but there was cruelty behind it, she could feel it, but she could also feel that that cruelty wasn’t directed at her, that if he conveyed any feeling at all toward her, it was... fondness. “Will you let me go, if I ask you to?”“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”Why had she even asked? She bit her lip, chewing on it, before she spoke. “But what do you want? What is so special that I have and you want?”“A fragment of your soul.”

Roy is taken from his boring job and launched into a galaxy of adventure. What should be a simple job of shunting space freighters turns into a hilarious cosmic adventure where Roy uncovers the truth about his past. A comedy space romp!Beyond Uranus is the first of a trilogy of four or more books telling the ripping space yarns and illuminating times of an always late to work teacher and heroic on-line gamer.The wrong kind of life, in the wrong kind of job, leads Roy to emotionally subsist on lager, pizza and on-line gaming. A fantastical opportunity presents him with a chance to boldly go, where others have trod before. Joining the crew of a mysterious Earth Station, Roy becomes a space pilot working for the galactic ‘UN’ shielding the Earth from an inappropriate first contact.With a group of friends and an extraordinary personal computer he explores forbidden areas of the Station and excessively discovers that an alcohol ban doesn’t cover the whole of it. Meanwhile, rogue pilot Dr. John D’Eath has iniquitous plans to kill Roy but is thrown off the station when his plot to frame him for an attack backfires. And Roy finds the love of his life when he meets a beautiful red-head and loves the tinge of ginge in her.One day Roy attempts to shunt a mysterious freighter away from Earth and his indestructible ship is promptly destroyed, with himself being captured. Rescue comes from the person he least expects, which leads to him discover some shocking, hidden truths.Some 85,000 words help tell this humorous tale, peppered with bar-room philosophy and sprinkled with adult language.

Now a seventh grader, Jason finds out the hard way just how different things are where ninth graders are the kings.

Within these sixteen short stories you will travel into another dimension - a dimension of the mind. A journey into a fantastic realm where imagination knows no bounds. Where dreams and reality make strange bedfellows and logic and madness fight for the blanket. That's the signpost up ahead— your next stop, Neurotica!Bring a pot of absurdity to a boil then add liberal doses of humour, two cups surrealism, and a pinch of mystery. Mix thoroughly. Separate into sixteen portions, cool to room temperature, sit back and enjoy as a man discovers that the girl of his dreams is definitely not as she appears. A wayward angel stiffs someone for a restaurant bill. Canada is governed by an agreeable and popular polymorphous blob that cannot see, hear, or speak. An innocent man awakens in a courtroom to find himself on trial for spurning a young woman. A guilty man is awakened and handed a package that he ignores at his own peril.Within these sixteen short stories you will travel into another dimension - a dimension of the mind. A journey into a fantastic realm where imagination knows no bounds. Where dreams and reality make strange bedfellows and logic and madness fight for the blanket. That's the signpost up ahead— your next stop, Neurotica!"A symphonic blitzkrieg of fictions that defy categorization. The tales in this deceptively simple collection are carefully sculpted attacks against reader's expectations. Madness, irony, and dark surrealism presented more convincingly than logic, [Neurotica] makes the reader question experience at the very same time that it inspires laughter, dread, and a good, healthy injection of revelation in a world grown numb with recycled wisdom. Never preaching, Straughan's work is all about the joy of story. And isn't that what we really want?"-- William P. Simmons PROJECT PULP"I like the cleanness, point of factness and absurdity of your style. You write as though nothing could be more logical than the illogical events you describe. I have grown to have considerable affection for your naive narrator."-- Tim Lander NANAIMO PUBLISHERS CO-OP"The writing throughout 'Neurotica' is clean and precise, which effectively counters/compliments the fantastic elements of the prose. If you like your fiction soaked in the unusual, look into Straughan’s enigmatic world."-- Matthew Firth BLACK CAT 115"Overall, Straughan has put together an entertaining body of work where his sense of the absurd shines."-- Todd H.C. Fischer IMELOD"Each story has a Twilight Zone quality to it, often ending with a punch line that hit me like a cream pie in the face. Straughan is a writer committed to disseminating his unique vision and it's clear that, with each new anthology he produces, his work gets stronger and more engaging, and I enjoy watching that growth. Kadath Press offers you a rare glimpse into the mind of one of Canada's most interesting surrealist literary talents. Don't miss out on the opportunity!"-- S.R. Duncan RAIN CITY REVIEW"With a healthy sense of the absurd, Straughan's stories reflect our modern predicament and without question represent some of the best writing I've come across in years. Reading the tales included in 'Neurotica Volume II' made me remember the wonders to be found in Gogol's 'The Nose', and Dostoevski's 'Dream of a Ridiculous Man'. Straughan's stories are unique to our common every-day experience, and deserve a larger audience. If you're looking for something different to read this summer, I suggest you give it a try."-- C.F. Kennedy BIBLIOFANTASIAC/NECESSARY PRESS"Neurotica is full of surprising moments, and its absurd and funny style is a refreshing departure from a lot of other work that takes itself too seriously."-- Jennifer LoveGrove WORD