I think that as a hunting dog
I should get a new career
So I’ve been looking through your receipts
And I think I should do your taxes next year
Chasing the Rabbit
And they’re coming around
the clubhouse turn
And they’re coming down the final stretch
And they’re coming across the finish line
And Number Five finishes in first place
And Number Five’s owner spends his winnings
On hookers and Schlitz
And that is why there are
no inspirational movies
About dog racing
Treat
How long do you
Expect me
To keep
This
Treat
On
My
Nose
Before
I can
GULP
Oh, my bad
Guess we better try this trick a twelfth time
I Could Chew on This
Squeak?
Squeak?
Squeak?
Squeak?
How come when I bite down on
this toy it doesn’t go “Squeak”?
Maybe because—as you just screamed—
I’m really chewing on your favorite shoe
Or maybe because
I really need to get more of it in my mouth
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
A great big “Thank you!” to my editor Emily Haynes and my agent Scott Mendel as well as to Emily Dubin, Becca Boe, April Whitney, Albee Dalbotten, Courtney Drew, and everyone at Chronicle Books. Also, a huge “Thank you very much!” for all the incredible love and encouragement from Mom, Dad, Marcello, Kim, my family, my friends, and everyone who gave me such support for my first book. And, of course, a heartfelt “Thank you and I miss you” to the three dogs in my life: a Great Dane named Splash, a Beagle named Snoopy (yes, Snoopy), and a very dearly missed member of our family named Panda.
About the Author
FRANCESCO MARCIULIANO is the author of the New York Times bestselling book I Could Pee on This and Other Poems by Cats. He also writes the comic strip Sally Forth and has a humor site at medium-large.com. He was Head Writer for the Emmy Award–winning children’s show SeeMore’s Playhouse and has written for Onion News Network, Smosh.com, McSweeneys, and The New York International Fringe Festival. He can be found on Twitter at @fmarciuliano but if you correctly pronounce his name three times in a row he will magically appear and look utterly confused.