Miss Mary Pennynickle’s
Hellish Horrors of History
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s disturbed imagination or used fictitiously.
©James DeSalvo 2011
Published by Doozie Press
ISBN: 978-0-9829171-4-5
Visit the author at http://www.jamesdesalvoauthor.com
Follow James DeSalvo on Twitter @jamesdesalvo
Visit the author on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/James-DeSalvo-Fans/144687262277416?sk=wall
http://jamesdesalvoauthor.blogspot.com/
Read Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Diaries on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Miss-Mary-Pennynickles-Tales-of-Torment-for-Toddlers/162642690426622
Also by James DeSalvo
Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Tales of Torment for Toddlers
http://www.amazon.com/Pennynickles-Tales-Torment-Toddlers-ebook/dp/B003YRIKLM/ref=pd_sim_kinc_2?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2
Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Fairytales of Foreboding
http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Pennynickles-Fairytales-Foreboding-ebook/dp/B004I6D3N8/ref=pd_sim_kinc_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2
Connie Cobbler: Toy Detective
http://www.amazon.com/Connie-Cobbler-Toy-Detective-ebook/dp/B004E3XYQ6/ref=pd_sim_kinc_5?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2
What Reviewers are Saying About Miss Mary Pennynickle
Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Fairytales of Foreboding:
“What a great follow-up to azon.com/gp/product/B003YRIKLM/ref=cm_cr_asin_lnk">Miss Mary Pennynickle's Tales of Torment for Toddlers! Miss Mary Pennynickle obviously went the extra mile here to scare us! Fairytales of Foreboding takes the fairytales that already scared you as a child... and then ramps them up to a new level of creepiness!... Miss Mary Pennynickle goes the extra mile and writes a complete follow-up for you to enjoy (or get the shivers from!).”
“What can I say..This is another addition to the Miss Pennynickles tales. You wont be disappointed with this one.. Miss Mary Pennynickle..really creepy stuff…”
“Fairytales are scary enough for us when we're kids... but INTENTIONALLY SCARY Fairytales are really bad when we're kids and even now as adults! Miss Mary Pennynickle's Fairytales of Foreboding is a masterful collection of the usual fairytales you remember (such as Cinderella, Stone Soup (okay, it wasn't originally a fairytale but this version is!), Snow White, and so many more). Miss Mary Pennynickle takes them to their next level, really to their next logical level, and concludes these fabled tales in a way that'll make you turn your lights on tonight when you go to bed! These are incredibly funny but darkly so, I mean many times deeper and darker and that is where their brilliance lies: in the dark humor that protrudes from the jewels in this collection!”
Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Tales of Torment for Toddlers:
“So much of childhood can be brought to mind through Miss Pennynickle's fantastical romps through a fairytale land spattered with gore. The sun, the smiles, the fun, the laughter, the popping sound a head makes when it is crushed by a maddened merry go round horse demon, and of course the love, all those precious memories.
If you enjoy the works of one Roman Dirge, then you'll love the works of Miss Pennynickle and her cavalcade of furry friends with just a few blood stains.”
“I laughed out loud (and sometimes cringed) throughout each vignette. DeSalvo has a wicked sense of humour and I'd recommend his twisted tales to those who laugh at horror movies and delight in the macabre. My favourite is "How Big Boys Poop" which demonstrates the author's bizarre imagination, although I wouldn't recommend it as bathroom reading material....”
“Reading DeSalvo's work brought to mind Roman Dirge mixed with Shel Silverstein. I really enjoyed the book, and would recommend it to people who who are looking for a laugh and a smile. My personal favorite was the first story about the little bunnies. I appreciated that I let my guard down while reading it and then watching the ending unfold. It was the first time in a long while since I raised a brow while reading.
I hope that DeSalvo continues to write; he has a faithful fan here!”
Table of Contents
Plymouth Rock 7
Benjamin Franklin Discovers Electricity 16
The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere 24
The Death of Abraham Lincoln 31
The 031End 39
Plymouth Rock
Set cast to the sea
Because they were devout
The Pilgrims left old England
Some say they were pushed out
Given but a short time
‘Twas less than half an hour
They loaded up the boat
The vessel called Mayflower
The ocean voyage was fraught
With danger and with fears
Many lost all hope
And many shed soft tears
Waves crashed against the ship
The mast shattered by their force
Blinding mist filled their eyes
The boat had lost its course
They tossed and they turned
The storms getting rougher
Said one Myles Standish,
“This just makes us tougher.
In a new land we’ll be
Within but a week.
Now reach deep inside
It’s courage you seek.”
The Pilgrims did pray
As the storm dissipated
They saw a bright blue sky
They were so elated
The water was calm
The wind was just a breeze
They sailed further on
The Pilgrims were at ease
They finally hit shore
The ship had made dock
Near the location of stone
To be named Plymouth Rock
Many took to the shores
To step foot on this land
It was wonderful indeed
The trip had worked out as planned
On the="0 we ship stayed some men
Writing laws and their reasons
And to prepare a good plan
For surviving the four seasons
“Crops must be grown
And land to be farmed
What shall we do?”
“Don’t be alarmed.
“I shall take care of these people
I am a trained soldier,”
Said Myles Standish
No man was bolder
A compact was signed
They had all agreed
Myles Standish would watch
To help those in need
Autumn came quickly
Then winter came fast
Sickness prevailed
Not many would last
Food became scarce
Standish took to the woods
Hunting for deer
And nature’s sweet goods
He came back empty handed
The village filled with gloom
The Pilgrims, it seemed,
Had sailed to their doom
Standish grew weary
As the others fell one by one
He finally decided
What had to be done
“Let’s bury the dead,”
He said with a sigh.
He had failed the poor Pilgrims
They did not have to die
He dug at the ground
It was frozen and thick
“Please help me dig.”
They moved not a lick
The corpses were piled
Their faces cracked and dark blue
&nb
sp; One Pilgrim licked his lips
“I think they might do.”
Standish screamed out
“Lord, perish the thought!
That is not somt="t is noething
That the good Lord hath taught.”
The Pilgrims looked on
The man looked away
An old man spoke up
“Sir, I am filled with dismay.
“You would eat of your brothers
Take their flesh from the bone.
I can speak for the others
As I’m not alone
“Eating the dead
Is an abomination
To do such a thing
Leads right to damnation!”
The crowd nodded in earnest
Standish nodded consent
Yet the old man continued
“I think you know what I meant.
“If it’s damnation you’re after
As we all are for sure
The flesh has to be fresh
And it has to be pure.”
“What did you say?”
Standish looked on aghast
“Myles, you know who we are
Human flesh’s our repast.”
“What horrors are you?
From whence come you beasts?”
“Understand, Myles,
This is how our kind feasts.”
Myles’ eyes filled with terror
As they chose for their dinner
Most used to be fat
But now became thinner
“Purity first,”
The old man called forth
“Followed by Chastity.
Then we’ll eat Worth.”
Three girls came forward
Each pulled off her bonnet
Shaved heads revealed
The mark of the beast carved upon it
“What have I done?”
“You chose the wrong ship
The Separatists you seek
Were on the p hWere onnext trip.”
As Myles fled the dark sight
They gorged themselves sick
Until nothing was left
Dinner was quick
Every year a great banquet
A remembrance with friends
We feast on a turkey
To make our amends
If you’ve no bird on your plate
Don’t despair this Thanksgiving
My sweet little ones
You can still eat the living
Benjamin Franklin Discovers Electricity
A man of great learning
And vast education
Invention and science
Were Ben Franklin’s vocation
He invented bifocals
To help the nearsighted see
And a pot bellied stove
To make cooking easy
His mind full with thoughts
Of the classics he read
One secret text
Told of raising the dead
“Why not?” said in a whisper
So no one could hear
“They may again live with us.
We’ve nothing to fear.”
He drew up some plans
He dug up some graves
He dissected the bodies
He started with slaves
“In death we’re all equal
In the eyes of the Lord.
What method I’d use?”
Then, thought struck a chord.
He saw lightning strike down
A great tree with one aim.
“If it could take a life,
It might revive just the same.”
He laid out a fresh corpse
On a stormy, dark eve
Fran
“Let a shock it receive.”
A bright bolt hit the corpse
The corpse burst into flames
Ben was disappointed
Perhaps he held too lofty aims
Benjamin Franklin
Was not one to quit
“This is a ponderous puzzle.
I must quickly solve it!”
He thought and he tinkered
Static shock caused reaction
The lifeless flesh jumped
Meat and electric need interaction
Franklin tied a key to a kite
Attached to a jar
Hoping to catch electricity
Then a flash from afar
Ben spoke words from the book
An old incantation
Playing at God
To bring about reanimation
The jar filled with fire
Iron covered the flesh
He shattered the glass
They started to mesh
The corpse filled with life
It screamed out in pain
Its soul snatched from Heaven
It lived again
“What have you done?”
He demanded of Ben
“I’m not really sure,”
Said Ben with chagrin
“I wanted to study
How life really works.”
“But you’ve brought me back
So raise my wife by your works.”
The corpse directed Franklin
To the place of his bride.
There were too many gravestones
It was hard to decide.
“Where is she buried?”
Asked Franklin with fear
“I’m not very sure.
I’m not buried here.”
The corpse wanted his wife
“Raise them all if you need!”
Franklin thought it all over
To revive her with speed.
He took metal rods
From the cemetery gate
Plunging them into the ground
In an organized state
The storm still raged
The sky filled with lightning
But science calmed Franklin’s mind
This was not at all frightening.
He called out the spell
Ancient dark arts gathered ‘round