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    Cabin Fever (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 6)

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      playing Freeze Tag, but one of them got hurt

      when someone shoved him from behind.

      26

      So now we’re not allowed to touch each other or

      even run. Today people were playing “Air Tag”

      and getting around by speed-walking, but it

      wasn’t really the same.

      got

      you!

      nuh-uh!

      nuh-uh!

      shuffle

      shuffle

      scoot

      scoot

      If you ask me, I think people are getting too

      carried away with all this safety stuff. I went to

      Manny’s peewee soccer game, and all the kids had

      to wear bicycle helmets.

      doink

      bonk

      The only good thing about the playground

      equipment being gone is that now I actually have

      a chance to start doing well in school.

      27

      I’m one of those people who has a hard time

      focusing when the teacher is talking, and when

      another class is having recess right outside the

      window, it’s practically impossible to pay attention.

      Wednesday

      OK, I take back what I said about being glad

      the playground equipment is gone. Now the kids

      at recess don’t have anything to do, so they just

      stare in through the windows. And that’s seriously

      distracting when you’re trying to take a test.

      28

      It doesn’t help that I’m not exactly the fastest

      test-taker. In third grade I had a teacher

      named Mrs. Sinclair who taught us all these great

      tricks for remembering multiplication facts. But

      they seriously slow me down.

      eight times four is thirty-two,

      thirty-two, thirty-two!

      eight times four is thirty-two,

      and now you know it’s true!

      (to the tune

      of “mary had a

      little lamb”)

      Earlier this year we had a math teacher named Mr.

      Sparks who used to stand on his chair every time

      he wanted us to remember something important.

      29

      But once when Mr. Sparks was trying to get us

      to remember a math concept, one of the legs on

      his chair broke and he fell.

      yaargh!

      snap

      Mr. Sparks broke his collarbone, and I heard he’s

      suing the school over it. I don’t remember the

      concept he was trying to teach us that day, but I

      do always remember never to stand on the furniture.

      During recess today everyone was just waiting

      to go back inside, but then Rowley got up and

      started skipping around the playground.

      30

      skip

      skip

      A few people started cheering and clapping.

      They must’ve thought Rowley was protesting all

      the new rules by skipping instead of running, but

      the truth is, skipping is just something Rowley

      likes to do.

      For some reason it really gets on my nerves when

      Rowley skips, so it bugged me to see him prancing

      around the playground like that. Skipping is

      actually a real sore subject between the two of us.

      Rowley says I’m jealous of him because I don’t

      know how to skip, but I think it just looks stupid.

      31

      I will admit that I never exactly got the hang

      of skipping. In fact, I was the only kid in first

      grade who couldn’t do it.

      that’s

      galloping!

      I was afraid I’d be held back until I learned how

      to skip, but luckily they let me move on to second

      grade. Still, I’m worried it’s gonna come back to

      haunt me later on.

      greg heffley will not be

      receiving his diploma due

      to an inability to skip.

      Sometimes I wonder how me and Rowley ended

      up being friends in the first place, since we’re so

      different. But at this point I figure we’re stuck

      with each other, so I just try to overlook the

      things he does that annoy me.

      Thursday

      The thing that stinks about having Santa’s

      Scout watching my every move at home is that

      I can’t get away with the things I used to do

      during the holidays.

      A few years ago Mom and Dad put some gifts

      under the tree a week before Christmas, and it

      was driving me crazy not knowing what they were.

      shake

      shake

      33

      One of the gifts had my name on it, and I was

      pretty sure it was a video game. I made a tiny

      little tear in the wrapping paper to see, and sure

      enough, it was a game I’d asked for.

      But then it was bugging me that a game I

      wanted was sitting right there under the tree

      and I couldn’t play it. So I went one step

      further and made a slit along the top of the

      packaging and slid the box out.

      slice

      I opened the plastic case and removed the game,

      then put the box back in the wrapping paper and

      taped it closed.

      But I started to get paranoid that Mom was

      gonna pick up the present and notice it felt

      lighter, so I opened it back up and put one of

      Rodrick’s heavy metal CDs inside the box to make

      it the same weight it was before.

      34

      I played the video game every night after Mom

      and Dad went to bed, and I actually beat it.

      But I forgot to put it back in the box, and on

      Christmas, when I opened my present in front of

      Mom and Dad, Rodrick’s CD slipped out and rolled

      onto the floor.

      doink

      35

      The day after Christmas, Mom took the CD to

      the Game Hut and chewed the clerk out for selling

      her material that was “inappropriate” for kids.

      I just don’t like not knowing what I’m getting

      for Christmas, and sometimes I can’t help myself.

      Last year I went on Mom’s e-mail account and

      wrote to all our relatives to see if I could find out

      what they were getting me.

      TO: Gammie, Uncle Joe, Uncle Charlie,

      Gramma, Grandpa, Uncle Gray, Joanne,

      Leslie, Byron, 23 more

      SUBJECT: Gifts

      Hey, everyone-

      Let me know what you’re buying for

      Greg this year, so we can coordinate.

      Thanks, Susan

      But Mom keeps her e-mail on the computer in the

      kitchen, and it’s hard to get onto her account

      when Santa’s Scout is watching me like a hawk.

      Tonight I spent some time trying to decide what

      to put on my Christmas wish list this year. I try

      to be as specific as possible when I make my list,

      because whenever I leave my gifts up to Mom and

      Dad, I get some crazy stuff.

      A few years ago I forgot to write out a wish

      list, and I paid the price for it. Mom was

      pregnant with Manny, and she wanted me to get

      ready for having a baby brother.

      37

      So for Christmas, Mom got me a DOLL.

      Baby

      Alfrendo

      REALISTIC DOLL FOR BOYS

      HE

      CRIES!

     
    HE

      EATS!

      HE

      WETS!

      ENCOURAGES

      RESPONSIBILITY!

      NOW GROWS HAIR!

      At first I didn’t want anything to do with it.

      38

      Then I realized having a doll you could FEED

      came in handy. In fact, I don’t think a

      vegetable touched my lips for a month after I

      got Alfrendo.

      here comes

      the airplane,

      alfrendo!

      open wide!

      But that wasn’t the only thing I used that doll

      for. I found out that he made a really excellent

      comic book stand, too.

      I have to admit, after a few months I got

      really attached to that doll.

      39

      Since I didn’t have a pet, it was kind of nice to

      have something to take care of for once.

      does alfrendo

      look handsome in

      his big-boy shoes?

      oh, yes he does!

      But one day I came home from school and I

      couldn’t find Alfrendo ANYWHERE. I searched

      the house from top to bottom, but there was no

      trace of him.

      The only thing I could think of was that I

      dropped Alfrendo at some point and somehow

      didn’t notice.

      bump

      40

      I was pretty torn up about losing my doll, but

      what I was REALLY worried about was Mom

      thinking I couldn’t be trusted around my new

      baby brother. So I got a grapefruit out of the

      fridge and drew a face on it with a marker.

      Then I wrapped the grapefruit in a dish towel,

      and for the next three months I pretended it

      was my doll.

      rockabye

      baby on the

      treetop…

      41

      Mom and Dad didn’t seem to notice. But I was

      terrified by the idea that the REAL Alfrendo

      was gonna find his way back home and get his

      revenge on me for abandoning him and replacing

      him with a fruit.

      scratch

      scratch

      In fact, I still worry about that to this day.

      It’s the reason I always check to make sure my

      window is locked before I go to bed at night.

      I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but I

      actually got attached to that GRAPEFRUIT,

      too. But after a while it started to rot, and Dad

      traced the weird smell back to my Alfrendo decoy.

      42

      Mom didn’t seem too upset that I’d lost my doll,

      but I will say she’s never left me alone in the

      house with Manny for more than fifteen minutes.

      Like I said, though, it was nice to have

      something to take care of, and I missed that

      feeling. So these days I’ve been spending a lot of

      time playing this game called Net Kritterz.

      Net Kritterz

      LOGIN:

      43

      In fact, I’ve been playing Net Kritterz every

      free second I get. The basic idea is that you have

      to feed your pet and keep it happy. And if your

      pet is happy, you get tokens so you can buy it

      clothes and furniture and stuff like that.

      I’ve played so much that my pet Chihuahua has

      a mansion with an indoor swimming pool, a bowling

      alley, and about 150 different outfits.

      The only thing I’m not happy about is his

      name. Mom’s the one who set up my account,

      and I can’t figure out how to change the name

      she registered with.

      gregory’s little

      friend

      44

      Mom says I take better care of my virtual pet

      than I do myself, and I guess I can’t

      argue with her there. Over the weekend I played

      for sixteen hours without even taking a break to

      go to the bathroom.

      But if you don’t keep getting your pet new

      stuff, it starts to look unhappy, and that really

      stresses me out.

      mood meter

      gregory’s

      little

      friend is

      feeling:

      queasy

      45

      The problem is you can only earn a certain number

      of tokens, and after that you have to buy them

      with real money. Unfortunately, I don’t have my

      own credit card, so that means I have to beg

      Mom and Dad to use theirs.

      And it’s not real easy to convince Dad to break

      open his wallet so you can buy a fancy outfit for

      your virtual pet.

      mood meter

      gregory’s

      little

      friend is

      feeling:

      snazzy

      This year I’m gonna ask for a bunch of Kritterz

      Kash for Christmas. But I’m still trying to figure

      out what to put on the rest of my wish list.

      I could actually use a lot of different things,

      because a couple weeks ago when I spent the

      night at the hospital getting my tonsils out,

      Manny sold half of everything I owned.

      46

      But I’m not so sure I should ask for a normal

      gift like a video game or a toy this year. What

      I’ve realized is that every time you get something

      cool for your birthday or for Christmas, within a

      week it’s being used against you.

      we’ll be taking

      this away until

      your english

      grade improves!

      47

      One thing I know for sure is that this year

      I’m only accepting store-bought presents. Last

      Christmas, Mom gave me a really nice hand-knit

      blanket, and I had that thing wrapped around

      me for half the winter.

      COMIX

      But I found a picture of the same blanket on Great

      Uncle Bruce, who passed away a few years ago, so I

      pawned it off on Rodrick for his birthday.

      GET

      WELL

      SOON

      48

      Sunday

      I was gonna play Net Kritterz all weekend,

      but yesterday Mom said the amount of time I’m

      spending playing that game is “unhealthy” and

      that I had to interact with a “real live person.”

      So I called up Rowley and asked him to come

      over, even though I was still a little bothered by

      the whole skipping thing.

      When Rowley got to my house, we sat down in

      front of the TV to play video games, but Mom

      said we had to shut off the machine and interact

      “face-to-face.”

      But one of the things that makes my friendship

      with Rowley work is that he doesn’t MIND

      watching me play video games.

      49

      Plus, the reason our ancestors invented technology

      in the first place was so they didn’t HAVE to

      interact with one another.

      Mom sent me and Rowley down to the basement,

      and the two of us tried to figure out what to do.

      I’d asked Rowley to bring some DVDs with him so

      we could stay up late watching movies.

      But he only brought HOME movies, and you

      couldn’t PAY me to watch THOSE.

      Rowley’s

      5th Grade

      Play

      Trip

      Rowley’s

      Birth


      Mom brought us down some “Wacky Sentences”

      books, where you fill in the blanks to create

      funny phrases.

      50

      For the first round, Rowley came up with the

      words and I wrote them down in the blanks. The

      phrases we made were actually pretty funny, but

      what wasn’t funny was Rowley’s new habit of

      saying “lol” instead of laughing.

      our cafeteria has

      really smelly food.

      the pizza is purple

      and the french fries

      are slimy.

      lol.

      lol.

      lol.

      It was really driving me crazy. So we switched

      roles, and I came up with the words instead. Rowley

      started by asking me for the name of a sport, so I

      said “volleyball.” But he told me it’s “bolleyball,” with

      a “b.” So then we got into this huge argument about

      what letter “volleyball” starts with.

      51

      I found a dictionary and handed it to Rowley

      and told him to look it up himself. But instead

      of flipping to the letter “v,” Rowley read every

      single word in the “b” section. And when he

      couldn’t find “bolleyball,” he started over from

      the beginning.

      bacon…

      bacteria…

      badger…

      Rowley accused me of having an outdated dictionary

      and said that’s why “bolleyball” wasn’t in it, so

      then we got into an argument about what year

      volleyball was invented.

      By this point Rowley was really getting on my

      nerves, and I realized we’d better change gears

      or we were gonna end up in a fight, as usual.

      52

      I told Rowley maybe we should do something

      different, and he said he wanted to play Hide-

      and-Seek. But the problem with playing Hide-and-

      Seek with Rowley is he thinks that when he can’t

      see you, you can’t see him. So that makes him

      really easy to find.

      I decided we just needed a break from each

      other, so I came up with an idea. I told Rowley

      we were gonna see who was braver, me or him, and

     

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