The Boy Toy
By
Justin Blasdel
Justin Blasdel
11/24/09
Version 7
justin_blasdel@yahoo.com
Characters
Helen Crandall-Crabtree; 40’s wealthy widow
Brenda Ralston; Early 30’s, mental health nut
Keith Wilcox; 20’s, good-natured athlete
Dr. Louise Devereau; 50’s, amoral hypnotherapist
Jeanine Biddle; 60's, all-purpose house servant
Time
Present, Summer.
Location
Beverly Hills, CA
Production Notes: If needed, an intermission can be placed between scenes five and six. Jeanine's humorous lines are meant to be spoken to the audience rather than the other actors, unless otherwise noted. You might be tempted to play Helen simply selfish, but her behavior must grow out of need, not anger and selfishness.
SCENE I
Slow lights up.
The Crabtree Estate is a marvelous, eclectic mansion that fits elegantly into the wealthy and unique Beverly Hills. This particular room in the mansion is the late Dr. Crabtree’s den, which is built to overlook the pool, garden, and tennis court.
One door opens up to the yard, and the other enters into the center of the house near the kitchen. Dr. Crabtree’s portrait hangs on the wall, an unfinished game of chess collects dust underneath it, a selective library about psychiatric treatments remain unused on the shelves, and a comfortable couch centers the room and the rest of the matching furniture.
(OS)BRENDA
Helen, you won again! I should be getting better at this, shouldn’t I?
HELEN and BRENDA enter.
HELEN is the queen of HER empire, the center of HER world, and the focus of everyone else’s attention. However, SHE understands the attraction to honey rather than vinegar, and is careful not to lose the benevolent empress image to a selfish tantrum.
BRENDA is the loyal friend only too happy to stand in the glory of another, so long as SHE gets closer to the lifestyle of the rich and ridiculously famous. SHE does have some pride, but it can easily be brushed away at the chance to grovel to the right people.
HELEN and BRENDA are both carrying tennis rackets, but HELEN clearly has the ball in HER hand.
HELEN
Maybe I'm getting better too.
BRENDA
But I have a trainer and practice three times a week. Three times! And you still beat me.
HELEN
Don’t feel bad, Brenda. I’m probably winning so much because I practice with Keith.
BRENDA
You can keep up with him?
BRENDA motions as if asking where to put the tennis rackets. HELEN hands over HERS to BRENDA.
HELEN
On the books is fine. I can barely keep up with Keith, but I never let him beat me without him breaking a sweat at least!
BRENDA leans the rackets against the books.
JEANINE enters with a duster in hand. SHE is a loyal, hard working, dedicated servant of the house, and has been for awhile. However, SHE still hasn't quite managed to overcome an inability to keep quiet.
JEANINE
Finished with your tennis game already? Ms. Crabtree, you needing the usual rub down?
HELEN
It's Ms. Crandall-Crabtree. Only the feet. I'm too sweaty for anything else.
JEANINE
Oh, goodie! The feet, my favorite body part.
BRENDA
(whispered to HELEN) Is she ever going to call you Ms. Crandall-Crabtree?
HELEN gives a sign as to say "Don't ask."
JEANINE
You needing anything Ms. Ralston.
BRENDA
No. I'm fine. Thank you.
JEANINE
Suit yourself.
HELEN sits down and lets JEANINE take off HELEN's shoes and rubs HER feet.
HELEN (CONT.)
Now, Keith is a walking muscle…yes…, but I don’t let it intimidate me. If I ever suspected he was being easy on me, I’d take the keys to his Porsche and wouldn’t give them back till he earned it…over and over again.
BRENDA
He must keep you happy.
HELEN
Yes.
JEANINE
And "Yes", and "Yes!", and "Oh my god!"
Beat.
BRENDA
Because you’ve kept him so long. Your last three or five lasted a month each, tops. He must be doing something right. Right?
HELEN
I’ll try not to tire you out so much next game. I don’t feel comfortable winning a game by double-fault.
BRENDA
I…my wrist hurts, Helen. It might be tendonitis.
JEANINE
I can rub your writs if you're in need of it after I'm through with Ms. Crabtree's lovely feet.
BRENDA
Thanks Jeanine, but I'll have it checked out this Monday at work.
KEITH enters exhausted from working out.
KEITH is the kind of man who needs to always be in motion; swimming, running, sports, etc. HIS hero smile and pleasant innocence wins over the coldest of hearts, although this doesn’t keep him immune from their manipulations.
KEITH
Hey, babe.
KEITH and HELEN kiss.
HELEN
Hello, my little beach bum.
KEITH
Hey, Jeanine. Make sure you loosen her up good.
JEANINE
Will do, Mr.Wilcox. (Whispered) Although, I hear you're better at that than I am.
KEITH
Hi, Brenda. How’s it going?
BRENDA
Hi, Keith. Did you have a nice run?
KEITH
Sure did! Getting close to breaking six minutes on the mile.
BRENDA
Wow! That’s impressive.
KEITH
Thanks.
BRENDA
So do you run with anyone or do you usually do it alone? I mean, I've been running-
HELEN
-Keith?
KEITH
Yeah, babe?
HELEN
Can you go get us some lemonades from the kitchen? We're very dehydrated.
JEANINE gets up.
JEANINE
Don't bother with it, Mr. Wilcox. I'll go fetch some lemonade.
KEITH
It's no problem. I'll get it. Brenda, extra sugar?
BRENDA
Please.
KEITH exits. JEANINE returns to massaging HELEN's feet.
BRENDA
(Whispered) Oh-my-god!
HELEN
Get your own man.
JEANINE
It's harder than it sounds.
BRENDA
I'm sorry. It's been awhile.
Beat.
BRENDA (CONT.)
A long while.
HELEN
So how’s the center?
BRENDA
What? Oh, it’s fine. Not any different from when you worked there. Oh! Guess who checked in yesterday.
HELEN
…Beck Hansen?
BRENDA
No! Joey Kovar.
HELEN
I don’t know him.
BRENDA
Joey Kovar!
HELEN shakes HER head.
BRENDA (CONT.)
He was on The Real World.
JEANINE
Oh, Joey. I remember him. He's the fellow with the nose candy problem.
HELEN
A reality TV star? I didn’t realize they were so famous.
BRENDA
Anyway, he checked into The Canyon two days ago under another name, and I was assigned to his sui
cide watch. Me!
HELEN
All night?
BRENDA
Think of it. I was responsible for a famous star. His life was in my hands.
JEANINE
Good for you, Ms. Ralston. Keeping people safe like that and all.
HELEN
I’m still not sure if I’d call him famous.
KEITH comes in with the lemonades on a tray.
KEITH
Here’s yours babe.
HELEN
Yes.
KEITH
Here’s yours.
BRENDA takes the glass closest to her.
BRENDA
Thank you.
KEITH
And yours Jeanine.
JEANINE
Oh, I don't need one. Set it on the coaster there, and I'll get to it later. (Whispered) Just as soon as I rub off these corns and calluses.
HELEN moves HER feet away from JEANINE’s grasp.
KEITH sets JEANINE's drink on the table. HE drinks from HIS own glass.
JEANINE
Enough rubbing for you already? Good, I’ll go back to dusting then.
JEANINE starts dusting practically everything in the room.
BRENDA
Keith?
KEITH
Yeah?
BRENDA
You know who Joey Kovar is, right?
KEITH
TRW: Hollywood.
BRENDA
(to HELEN) I told you.
HELEN
Fine, he’s famous.
KEITH
Yeah, he left the show early. He was afraid of getting addicted to drugs again. Wait, is he…in your-
BRENDA
-I don’t know what you’re talking about.
KEITH
Cool! Hey, could you ask him a few things for me?
HELEN
Keith, you know she can't talk about her work. (to BRENDA) And she knows that too, right?
KEITH
That sucks.
BRENDA
I know.
KEITH
I'll let you ladies enjoy your drinks. I'm going to take the dogs out for a run.
KEITH stretches a little.
KEITH (CONT.)
Wooh! Okay. I'm ready.
KEITH carefully places the tray down on a table and sets HIS glass on it. HE then kisses HELEN again.
KEITH (CONT.)
I’ll be back, babe.
HELEN
Remember to give them their treats afterwards.
KEITH
Sure thing. (to Brenda) See you later then.
KEITH exits, leaving the door to the yard open.
BRENDA
I could just eat him up.
JEANINE
And I'd lick the spoon.
HELEN
He’s fun…for awhile.
BRENDA
What? I can’t believe he doesn’t last all night.
HELEN
Oh no! No, no, no, no…no! No. He…well, you remember how I canceled our meet two weeks ago?
BRENDA
Yes.
Beat.
BRENDA (CONT.)
The whole day?
JEANINE
The whole day before and night. Thought the neighbors were going to call the police.
BRENDA
Are you serious?
HELEN
Brenda, I could barely walk.
BRENDA
What about him?
HELEN
He had something to do that day. I believe it was his turn to train new employees.
BRENDA
Helen, he’s a lifeguard. They train by swimming. Are you telling me you couldn’t walk, but he had enough strength to swim a whole day?
JEANINE
Well he is a walking, talking muscle. (to HELEN) Isn't that what you said?
BRENDA
You don’t know how lucky you are to have Keith.
HELEN grabs HER tennis racket.
HELEN
How about another game, Brenda. I'm sure you can win at least one time today. Jeanine, help her with her wrists.
HELEN puts on HER shoes. JEANINE gets up and moves over to BRENDA and massages HER wrists.
Beat.
BRENDA
Is something wrong?
HELEN
Possibly.
BRENDA
What is it?
Beat.
HELEN
I’m having...second thoughts.
BRENDA
You’re going to dump Keith?!
HELEN
Shhh!
HELEN closes the doors.
JEANINE
Yes, don't want the boyfriend to find out, for sure.
BRENDA
Why do you always do this? You get a guy who could lift your house with one hand, have amazing sex, and then dump them. Why…just…why?
HELEN
Perhaps I’m wanting more than that.
BRENDA
What else is there? Keith’s not a jerk. He’s very, very sweet, and he loves you.
HELEN
Don’t be ridiculous. He doesn’t love me.
BRENDA
He cares about you a lot. What could you possibly find wrong with him?
HELEN
Brenda, we’ve been friends for a long time. We stayed together even after I married Richard. You’re the one person left I can trust. You do more for me than anyone else I know.
JEANINE looks up and is at a loss for words.
BRENDA
Awe. You’re my best friend too.
HELEN
With Richard, I had someone to talk to. We could connect.
BRENDA
You talk to Keith about things, don’t you?
HELEN
We talk about tennis, we talk about the dogs, we talk about positions, but we don’t really talk. I’m bored Brenda.
BRENDA
If you’re bored, then stop dating muscle men.
HELEN
I can’t do that!
JEANINE
Oh, heavens, no!
BRENDA
I’ve seen you do it before.
HELEN
I won’t do it again! I loved Richard, but he was seventy. I was twenty!
JEANINE
Twenties...ish.
BRENDA
You told me you didn’t care.
HELEN
I didn’t care enough.
Beat.
HELEN (CONT.)
He’s gone, and now it’s my time to enjoy someone else’s youth. You think I’ll get that with someone I can talk to about nothing else than high tides?
BRENDA
No.
HELEN
No.
Beat.
BRENDA
Maybe….
HELEN
Maybe what?
BRENDA
A few months ago at The Canyon, we had a very famous star check in. So famous that we all had to sign contracts to keep us from telling the press about it.
HELEN
Who was it?
BRENDA
I can’t tell…but if he was a movie star, and if he was an FBI agent, I bet he would do all the impossible missions.
Beat.
HELEN
Tom?
BRENDA nods.
BRENDA
He was absolutely horrible! He fought the orderlies, made all us nurses cry, he even slapped one of the doctors. So when we were this close to giving up on him, they called in a specialist.
JEANINE
What kind of specialist?
Beat.
HELEN
What kind of specialist?
BRENDA
She's a hypnotherapist called Dr. Devereau.
HELEN
Brenda, I don’t have a nicotine addiction or need help remembering my childhood. I need a new boyfriend.
BRENDA
That’s
just it! Instead of getting a new guy, why don’t you hire Dr. Devereau and make a new boyfriend out of the old?
JEANINE
Nice way to start getting into the habit of recycling, don't you think? It'd be easier than making sure your jewelry and your car isn't stolen by an ex-lover...again.
HELEN
How do I get in contact with this hypnotherapist?
BRENDA
I stole her phone number from company files. I could call you before I go out tonight and give you the number if you want.
HELEN
You stole from a hospital?
BRENDA
So? It’s a rehab clinic. It’s not like a real hospital.
Beat.
HELEN
And Keith could be anyone I wanted? Smart, sophisticated, a little more obedient?
JEANINE
If wishes were horses...
BRENDA
I don’t know, but I can give you the number and you can ask. Do you want it?
HELEN
If you were to give me the number, I wouldn’t complain.
BRENDA
Okay. I’ll call you later.
SFX: cell phone rings.