You Know the Story
By
Justin Blasdel
Justin Blasdel
7/05/2009
Version 1
justin_blasdel@yahoo.com
Characters
Euno; blind prophet
Yalena; lowly servant
Prince Cosmo; oppressed dancer
King Leander; foolish father
Queen Hillary; dimwit mother
Mastidia; witch of the Red Reed Bog
Doris; hippie goblin
Xander; prideful warrior
Precious; lonely troll
Hebe; Monkey Twin 1
Steve; Monkey Twin 2
Time
A mythic and ancient time.
Place
Kingdom of Atalante
Within a castle. There is a throne in the middle with chairs to the right and left; a throne for the King, and the others for the Queen and Prince. There is a doorway to the rest of the castle and a window overlooking the lands below.
EUNO, the Blind Prophet, feels HIS way into the empty room. HE is old and very insane, but HE can see what cannot be seen. HE can sense the spiritual world and the inner workings of the gods.
EUNO
Who’s there? Who goes there?
EUNO goes over to the audience and feels from person to person.
EUNO
Uh huh, uh huh, I see. Ah! I know why you’re here. You see, I see, even though I don’t see. You see?
EUNO leaves the audience alone.
EUNO
You do see. Yes you do! You, and you, and you, and you. Yes…definitely you. You are here because you can smell it. Strong smell too. You smell…the story! A story is about to happen. The Fates are weaving their threads; around and around, around and around. Come. Come and wrap yourselves in this magical tale of witches, monsters, and blind prophets! Well…one prophet. Me.
EUNO walks up to the audience and shakes someone’s hand.
EUNO
Hi. I’m Euno, blind prophet and world-famous cook, mostly for my finger foods. Here’s my card.
EUNO hands over a business card to the audience member.
EUNO
Call me whenever you get in trouble. My powers are available everyday 9am till 6pm.
EUNO realizes HE should have been telling the story.
EUNO
Oh! Sorry. You know, business. Hey…you know, Euno…that’s catchy. I should market that. Oh well, on with the story!
EUNO points directly at Prince COSMO who enters from the door and sits down.
COSMO is a young man filled with dreams and ideas on how to make the world a better place. However, all this wisdom offers no aid on how to convince HIS father to let HIM live in peace.
EUNO
Oh good. There you are. Stay.
Short beat.
EUNO
Stay. This is the famous Prince Cosmo! Heir to the Atalante throne, son of the brave King Leander, and a pretty good seamstress.
COSMO
Hey!
EUNO rubs HIS clothes.
EUNO
Just feel this embroidery!
COSMO
You swore you’d never tell!
EUNO
But all is not well. King Leander is ashamed of his son. The King wants a strong, brave, mighty warrior to inherit the kingdom. Prince Cosmo…not so much. Any other heirs to the crown? Not really. Only Prince Cosmo is left. The Atalante kingdom needs its Prince. King Leander needs an heir.
EUNO points to an audience member.
EUNO
That man needs to use the latrine and wishes he had before going to this four hour play.
EUNO nods, then shakes HIS head.
EUNO
It’s not four hours. I promise. It’s five. Everyone needs something from Prince Cosmo, but what does Prince Cosmo need? What does his heart desire?
EUNO exits.
COSMO slowly shifts around the throne room, gradually moving more in dancing rhythms as the song progresses.
COSMO
I am a Prince.
I was born to rule.
I carry around this crown of gold and jewels.
My father is King.
My mother is Queen.
And I feel like such a tool.
They don’t ask what I want.
They don’t care how I feel.
They make sure I am strong and genteel.
I don’t want this.
I cannot exist
Unless I’m allowed to reveal…
I like to dance.
I love to dance.
I must move my legs around until I fall.
I love to dance.
I live to dance.
My arms will flail around until I’m called
To put on the very best show known to man
Where no one will ever lose their attention span,
Because they’ll be watching the best dancer with a perfect tan.
It’ll be the best show known to man.
YALENA enters. SHE is a simple, goodhearted servant of the royal family who has an inability to keep HER opinions to HERSELF. SHE loves to contribute to any conversation, but is at a loss when SHE actually has to do something.
COSMO
Ah, my favorite friend Yalena. How goes your day today?
YALENA
Not to well.
COSMO
Oh?
YALENA
Your father had me clean the royal latrine today.
COSMO
That doesn’t sound too bad.
YALENA
While he was using it.
COSMO
Ugh! What a horrible day you’ve had. Here, I’ll make you feel all better.
YALENA
How on Earth can you do that?
COSMO
I will dance for you.
YALENA
But your father has forbidden it!
COSMO
The same man that made you wash his toilet?
YALENA looks around.
YALENA
Go on ahead and dance your head off.
COSMO
Will do!
COSMO convinces YALENA to dance with HIM.
COSMO
I live to dance.
I exist to dance.
If no one sees my moves I’ll just die.
YALENA
Oh no!
COSMO
I exist to dance.
I was born to dance.
To do anything else would be a lie.
I will not deny my artistic calling
To make people smile and hear them applauding
At my perfect, beautiful, and quite enthralling
Desire to dance.
COSMO ends HIS song.
YALENA
Oh, that was fun! Now back to your brooding and no more dancing. If your father sees you moving around and having a good time, he’ll throw a fit and won’t enjoy tonight’s public beheadings.
YALENA goes to work meticulously dusting every square inch of the throne room.
COSMO
He’s so…so…ugh, you know? He’s always telling me what to do. Like the other day, we were walking down the street, being all mightier than thou, and a peasant accidentally coughs on me. Father tossed his sword at me and ordered me to execute the guy.
YALENA
Because the man coughed on you?
COSMO
Yeah!
YALENA
What did you do?
COSMO
I couldn’t do it. Father left me there with the sword and said I couldn’t’ come home without the guy’s head in my hand.
YALENA
What’d you do?
COSMO
I…became friends with the guy.
YALENA
Really?
COSMO
Yeah, really. His name is Michael. He has six kids, and he’s a grave digger.
YALENA
That’s a nice job these days. Lots of business. So how’d you come back home?
COSMO
He had a few extra heads on hand. He likes to take his work home with him.
YALENA
Oh.
COSMO
But…my father!
YALENA
And your mother.
COSMO
God! I don’t even have enough strength to talk about her right now.
YALENA
Don’t worry about that. Forget I said anything. You just sit down, relax, and don’t’ let any of that bother you now.
YALENA goes over to massage COSMO’s shoulders.
COSMO
Yalena, what would I do without you?
YALENA
Probably hire my sister.
COSMO
No. You’re the only one I can trust. Besides, you’re a great dance partner.
Beat.
LEANDER (OS)
What’s this I hear about dancing?
YALINDA runs away from COSMO and goes back to dusting before King LEANDER and Queen HILLARY enter.
LEANDER is strong, brave, and laughs in the face of death…from a far distance. When it comes to HIS family, HE’s all thumbs and tries to solve every problem by force.
HILLARY is beautiful, almost too delicate for life, and lacks any higher brain functions. HER passions overrun HER better judgment, but SHE usually tries to do the right thing.
COSMO
Leave me alone.
HILLARY
Cosmo, you answer your King.
COSMO
You mean my father.
LEANDER
I’m not sure about that one.
HILLARY
Leander!
LEANDER
I was conquering enemies to the North when your mother got pregnant. Why I left my third cousin Jeffery behind to protect her, I’ll never know.
HILLARY
Oooh, Jeffery…was a perfect gentleman!
LEANDER
I’m sure.
YALENA
That Jeffery, always handling the ladies up and down the castle walls when he visits. I remember one time, he and I…
Beat.
YALENA goes back to cleaning.
LEANDER
I don’t want to hear any more about you and dancing. You’ll never be a king and a dancer!
COSMO
Then I won’t be a king!
LEANDER
You have to be King! There’s no one else.
YALENA
What about Jefferey?
HILLARY
Oooh, Jeffery.
LEANDER
Jeffery’s living out the rest of his life on that island I put him on, and that’s that! Cosmo…Cosmo…
LEANDER kindly pats HIS son on the back.
LEANDER (CONT.)
Cosmo. If you don’t become King, then who will rule Atalante?
COSMO
The people.
LEANDER
What people?
COSMO
All of the people. They have the right to control their own destiny.
HILLARY
You mean let the people rule themselves?
LEANDER
That’s ridiculous!
YALENA
That would be a nice change.
COSMO
Think about it. Instead of one person ruling over hundreds or even thousands of people, those people can appoint their own representatives to make decisions based on popular demand.
LEANDER
Silence! I will not hear this lunacy from my own son.
COSMO
If I am your son.
HILLARY
Oooh, Jeffery.
LEANDER
Get out of my sight! Go to your chambers and stay there until you start acting like a real king.
COSMO
I’m going to be the best dancer in the world, and you can’t stop me!
COSMO exits.
LEANDER
Don’t you dare prance up those stairs young man! Cosmo!
Beat.
LEANDER (CONT.)
I don’t know what to do with him. If he doesn’t stop dancing all over the place, Atalante will fall apart. I wish there was a way to make him man-up. You know, scare him into something else than a lousy dancer.
YALENA
I think he’s pretty good.
HILLARY
Don’t worry dear. I’m sure something will happen.
SFX: thunder and wind.
LEANDER
What was that?
YALENA
Sounds like your something is coming.
SFX: thunder and wind.
The evil witch MASTIDIA cackles.
MASTIDIA is the stereotypical evil witch; old, ugly, and angry at everyone. SHE learned HER magic from the dangerous bogs SHE was raised in, and HER perception of normal people is twisted and jaded.
LEANDER, HILLARY, and YALENA huddle around, fearful of the storm.
MASTIDIA (OS)
I have come for ye.
LEANDER
Who?
MASTIDIA (OS)
Ye!!!
HILLARY
Ye?
MASTIDIA (OS)
Yes, ye!
YALENA
Who says ye anymore?
LEANDER
Who are you? What are you doing in my castle?
MASTIDIA (OS)
Ohh!
MASTIDIA enters by crawling in through the window.
YALENA
You know, we have a nice set of stairs just down the hallway.
MASTIDIA
Still yer tongue, or I’ll rip it out yer mouth and make a sandwich!
LEANDER walks over to MASTIDIA.
LEANDER
Who are you to order my servant around in my-
MASTIDIA grabs a hold of LEANDER and throws him across the room. HILLARY and YALENA go to HIS aid.
HILLARY
Honey, are you okay?
YALENA
Wow! She threw you like a rag doll.
MASTIDIA
Ye have caused me much suffering!
LEANDER
Who are you?
MASTIDIA
I am the terrible, legendry old witch of the Red Reed Bog. Children sing songs of me evil curses, grown men run away from me effigies of torture, livestock weaken and grow sickly in me presence, and –
YALENA
-That’s all very nice, but who are you?
Beat.
LEANDER
Don’t mind her. She’s as crazy as the moon. Dropped on the head as a baby I swear.
YALENA
I was not dropped on my-
LEANDER and HILLARY hold their hands over YALENA’s mouth.
HILLARY
Sorry about that. Please, go ahead.
Beat.
MASTIDIA
I…am Mastidia.
Beat.
MASTIDIA (CONT.)
Mastidia.
Beat.
HILLARY
Pretty name, but I don’t know you. I’m sorry.
MASTIDIA
I am the witch of the Red Reed Bog! How do you not know my name?
HILLARY
I don’t know that bog. I know about the Brown Water Bog.
YALENA breaks free.
YALENA
Isn’t that where the sewers empty out?
MASTIDIA
It is the Red Reed Bog! (to LEANDER) And ye ordered the dumping of sewage in my home!
YALENA
There’s that ye business again.
LEANDER
I am the king! I can order anything I
want!
MASTIDIA
Ye will pay for ruining my home!
HILLARY
What are you going to do to us?
MASTIDIA
I, Mastidia, she whose home was disgraced by ye all, will curse ye just as horribly as I was. I…will take away yer son!
SFX: Lighting.
MASTIDIA (CONT.)
Yes, I shall steal away yer only son Prince Cosmo, and he’ll live with me in the stench of yer own making!
YALENA
King Leander, do something!
LEANDER
He’s up in his room.
MASTIDIA cackles and exits.
HILLARY
Leander!
YALENA
King!
LEANDER
What? SHE has the strength of ten men!
YALENA
And the body odor too, but she’s going to take Prince Cosmo!
LEANDER
Who knows? This could be a good experience for him.
HILLARY
What?
MASTIDIA cackles.
SFX: thunder and wind.
YALENA, LEANDER, and HILLARY run to the window.
HILLARY
She’s flying away with Cosmo!
YALENA