Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Acknowledgements
ACT ONE, SCENE ONE - In which: WE MEET THE GEEKS
ACT ONE, SCENE TWO - In which: WE MEET TAMA GOLD, CAMERON RICHARDSON, AND MY BOOBS
ACT ONE, SCENE THREE - In which: WE MEET THE FAMILY, AND WAIT
ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR - In which: WE MEET MY DAD
ACT ONE, SCENE FIVE - In which: A PLAN IS HATCHED
ACT ONE, SCENE SIX - In which: THERE ARE NEAR MISSES
ACT ONE, SCENE SEVEN - In which: I GIVE A GIRL A RIDE
ACT ONE, SCENE EIGHT - In which: I’M APPARENTLY BRAINWASHED
ACT ONE, SCENE NINE - In which: I RECEIVE AN UNEXPECTED GIFT
ACT ONE, SCENE TEN - In which: DIVORCE SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN
ACT ONE, SCENE ELEVEN - In which: WE ALL PLAY OUR ROLES
ACT ONE, SCENE TWELVE - In which: I SING IN PUBLIC . . . SORT OF
ACT ONE, SCENE THIRTEEN - In which: I HAVE A BREAKTHROUGH
ACT ONE, SCENE FOURTEEN - In which: I PUT MY NEW SKILLS TO GOOD USE
ACT TWO, SCENE ONE - In which: GLENN FIGHTS BACK
ACT TWO, SCENE TWO - In which: WE’RE GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD
ACT TWO, SCENE THREE - In which: ROBBIE AUDITIONS FOR THE FOOD NETWORK
ACT TWO, SCENE FOUR - In which: ROBBIE EXPLORES MY BEDROOM
ACT TWO, SCENE FIVE - In which: TAMA AND I GO TO WORK
ACT TWO, SCENE SIX - In which: FOOTSIE IS PLAYED
ACT TWO, SCENE SEVEN - In which: THERE’S A BETRAYAL
ACT TWO, SCENE EIGHT - In which: TAMA TRUMPS STEPHANIE
ACT TWO, SCENE NINE - In which: THERE’S FORGIVENESS . . . FROM SOME
ACT TWO, SCENE TEN - In which: COMPROMISES ARE MADE
ACT TWO, SCENE ELEVEN - In which: I’M A ONE-GIRL SHOW
ACT TWO, SCENE TWELVE - In which: AN INVITATION IS EXTENDED
ACT TWO, SCENE THIRTEEN - In which: WE PHILOSOPHIZE ON POPULARITY
ACT TWO, SCENE FOURTEEN - In which: ANGER ISSUES ARE DISCUSSED
ACT TWO, SCENE FIFTEEN - In which: THERE IS DANCING
ACT TWO, SCENE SIXTEEN - In Which: THERE’S A SURPRISE VISITOR
ACT TWO, SCENE SEVENTEEN - In which: I WANT TO DIE
ACT TWO, SCENE EIGHTEEN - In which: TAMA FINDS OUT
ACT TWO, SCENE NINETEEN - In which: I LOSE IT
ACT TWO, SCENE TWENTY - In which: A CHOICE IS MADE
ACT THREE, SCENE ONE - In which: THE WALLS CRUMBLE
ACT THREE, SCENE TWO - In which: ROBBIE SAVES ME, AGAIN
ACT THREE, SCENE THREE - In which: I BLAB
ACT THREE, SCENE FOUR - In which: CONFUSING EMOTIONS SURFACE
ACT THREE, SCENE FIVE - In which: I JUST WANT TAMA OUT OF MY CAR
ACT THREE, SCENE SIX - In which: A DATE IS MADE
ACT THREE, SCENE SEVEN - In which: I TAKE THE PLUNGE
ACT THREE, SCENE EIGHT - In which: A PLOT IS REVEALED
ACT THREE, SCENE NINE - In which: THERE’S PINKY CONTACT
ACT THREE, SCENE TEN - In which: THERE’S AN UNEXPECTED MELTDOWN
ACT TWO, SCENE ELEVEN - In which: WE KISS
ACT THREE, SCENE TWELVE - In which: IT GETS WORSE
ACT FOUR, SCENE ONE - In which: HE’S “OKAY”
ACT FOUR, SCENE TWO - In which: I MAKE A CALL
ACT FOUR, SCENE THREE - In which: I HAVE FRIENDS
ACT FOUR, SCENE FOUR - In which: LIES ARE TOLD
ACT FOUR, SCENE FIVE - In which: THINGS SETTLE
ACT FOUR, SCENE SIX - In which: I MAKE A DATE
ACT FOUR, SCENE SEVEN - In which: I’M THE BITCH
ACT FOUR, SCENE EIGHT - In which: GLENN GETS AN EARFUL
ACT FOUR, SCENE NINE - In which: THE CHART IS REVEALED
ACT FOUR, SCENE TEN - In which: WE SHARE
ACT FOUR, SCENE ELEVEN - In which: THERE’S A WALKOUT
ACT FIVE, SCENE ONE - In which: DEAR OLD DAD RETURNS
ACT FIVE, SCENE TWO - In which: WE UNITE OVER A COMMON CAUSE
ACT FIVE, SCENE THREE - In which: AN INSANE SUGGESTION IS MADE
ACT FIVE, SCENE FOUR - In which: WE STORM THE CASTLE GATES
ACT FIVE, SCENE FIVE - In which: SODA IS FLUNG
ACT FIVE, SCENE SIX - In which: THERE’S LAUGHTER AND TEARS
ACT FIVE, SCENE SEVEN - In which: THE WALLS SHRINK
ACT FIVE, SCENE EIGHT - In which: I CONSIDER MURDER
ACT FIVE, SCENE NINE - In which: I GO DOWN
ACT FIVE, SCENE TEN - In which: I SAVE MYSELF
ACT FIVE, SCENE ELEVEN - In which: THERE’S A NEW FIRST KISS
ACT FIVE, SCENE TWELVE - In which: WE CELEBRATE
ACT FIVE, SCENE THIRTEEN - In which: EVERYONE COMES TOGETHER
ACT FIVE, SCENE FOURTEEN - In which: I SAY THE WORDS
Welcome to my life. The life of a Geek Magnet.
I am the geek pied piper, drum major in the geek parade. Ever since I can remember, a steady stream of unsavory guys has been following me around like I was God’s gift to geekdom and I have no idea why. Stephanie was always telling me that I shouldn’t complain. That at least someone was crushing on me. And she had a point. She did. But at times like these, that logic really did nothing for me. I mean, this was what my days were like. Embarrassing ambushes, awkward conversations, horrible letdowns, me feeling like this evil, superficial person who couldn’t see past face value. But it wasn’t my fault. I would have gladly fallen in love with one of these guys. My life would have been so much easier. But I couldn’t do it. My heart already belonged to another. And besides, these guys really did make it so damn hard. I mean, it wasn’t like they were funny-cute dorks (no Andy Sandbergs here), or even semi-hot dorks (Jimmy Fallons don’t actually exist). Each one of these guys had at least ten strikes. And I’d been through this so many times before that really, all I wanted was for that stupid light to fall and flatten me. I would have gladly taken one on the head if it would have gotten me out of this mortification.
OTHER BOOKS YOU MAY ENJOY
SPEAK
Published by the Penguin Group
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Registered Offices: Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
First published in the United States of America by G. P. Putnam’s Sons,
a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 2008
Published by Speak, an imprint of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 2009
Copyright © Kieran Viola, 2008
All rights reserved
THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS HAS CATALOGED THE G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS EDITION AS FOLLOWS: Scott, Kieran, date. Geek magnet: a novel in five acts / Kieran Scott. p. cm. Summary: Seventeen-year-old KJ Miller is determined to lose the label of “geek magnet” and get the guy of her dreams, all while stage managing the high school musical, with the help of the most popular girl in school.
eISBN : 978-1-436
-23256-2
[1. Dating (social customs)—Fiction. 2. Musicals—Fiction. 3. Theater—Fiction. 4. High schools—Fiction. 5. Schools—Fiction.] I. Title. PZ7.S42643Ge 2008 [Fic]—dc22 2007028707
The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.
http://us.penguingroup.com
THIS ONE’S FOR ALL MY FRIENDS FROM PHHS, especially those who made my own Grease experience so very memorable that I could actually smell the auditorium while writing this book.
Special thanks to the following geeks, without whom there would be no Geek Magnet:
Jen Bonnell (super-smart editor geek), whose patience and insightful comments keep making me better
Sarah Burnes (enthusiastic agent geek), who believed in me even when this particular labor of love was too heavy for either of our athletic selves to lift
Lee Scott (loving mom geek), who looks at me like I’m an angel fallen to earth no matter how much I think I suck
Erin and Ian Scott (sister and brother geek), who got me through a lot of the familial tribulations which inspired parts of this book
Matthew Viola (adorable, hockey-loving, politico geek), the love of my life, who never stops reminding me that I am also his
GEEK MAGNET
AND
GREASE
(A Washington High School Drama Club Production)
LEAD CAST
ACT ONE, SCENE ONE
In which: WE MEET THE GEEKS
OKAY, SO I WAS DIZZY WITH POWER. CAN YOU BLAME ME? IT WAS the first day of rehearsals for the spring musical, Grease, at Washington High and I, KJ Miller, was the stage manager. The woman in charge. The first junior ever to be granted this most prestigious position. So when I walked into the auditorium after the final bell that afternoon, I’ll admit it: I sort of felt like I was surveying my territory. Those two hyper drama guys up on stage parrying with old, plastic French bread props? I was in charge of them. Tama Gold chatting illegally on her cell in the front row? I was in charge of her, too (though she’d never admit it). Theater diva Ashley Brown and her two sidekicks Cory and Carrie Danes (a.k.a. the Drama Twins), who were singing select songs from Dreamgirls at the piano? You guessed it. I was even in charge of Stephanie Shumer, my best friend in the entire world. But I had to be sensitive to her. She had so wanted the part of Rizzo, but Riz went to the indomitable Ashley, who had actually wanted to play Sandy. Meanwhile, Stephanie was stuck playing the principal, Miss Lynch. Ugh.
Before anyone could spot me, I took a long, deep breath and let that very particular auditorium aroma fill my senses. It was like moldy, old stage curtain, mixed with dust and chased by Sour Apple Blow Pop. I loved that scent. It was the scent of the best part of the year.
Musical season. It was finally here. And it was the only time of year that a girl like me—a short, red-haired, flying-below-the-social-radar girl like me—could suddenly become one big blip on the radar screen. Basically, it was magic.
“All right, people!” I announced, my heart pounding with wild anticipation. “Let’s—”
“KJ!”
So much for my moment. Fred Frontz, my neighbor and eternal stalker, materialized as if by magic. Not that it was that much of a surprise. Fred was everywhere, all the time.
“KJ! KJ! KJ!” Fred hustled over to me, his T-shirt riding up and exposing more and more of his wide, pale stomach with each step. His blond hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, and his face was blotchy and red. Like always. Even on freezing cold mornings when I took pity on him walking to school alone and offered him a ride, he was always blotchy and red. “How cool is this? I still can’t believe I’m gonna have a solo. Can you believe it? Me! With a solo!”
“Um, Fred? Your shirt’s kind of . . .” I pointed at his Buddha belly. Fred yanked the shirt down and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Thanks,” he said. “So listen. I got you something.”
He reached into his overly large burlap backpack and came out with a Hostess cupcake, half mushed on one side. “To celebrate your first day.”
“Thanks, Fred,” I said, touched. Considering Fred’s sugar addiction, I knew that refraining from eating this must have taken gargantuan effort.
“She doesn’t need that right now.”
Andy Terrero, my assistant stage manager, stepped in and snatched away the snack. Andy was a health and science nut, so skinny he must have weighed less than I did. His brown hair stuck straight out from the crown of his head like he had a tiny propeller up there, and his glasses were constantly sliding down his nose. “Refined sugar just gives you a super-high high followed by a major crash. You don’t want to crash on your first day, do you, KJ?”
Andy’s brown eyes were wide with hope. So were Fred’s blue ones. To take the cupcake or not to take the cupcake? That was the question. If I took it, I would crush Andy. If I didn’t take it, I would crush Fred. And although it might seem like a teeny tiny thing to a normal person, it wasn’t to them. They would be crushed. Just like that, I was going to have to let somebody down. My heart squeezed at the thought. Why me?
“You know what? I’m gonna save this for later,” I said. I took the cupcake back from Andy and shoved it inside my messenger bag.
“Okay, but you are gonna eat it,” Fred tried to confirm.
“But after rehearsal,” Andy clarified, glancing at Fred. “Right?”
“You can’t tell her when to eat something, Terrero,” Fred complained.
“Do you realize how many preservatives are in that thing? You’re basically giving her poison.”
Okay. They were starting to make a scene.
“You guys? You know what? I really have to go, uh . . . get everyone out of the dressing rooms before they, you know, stain . . . something!” I improvised, inching away. “I’ll be back in a sec!”
“I can do that for you, KJ!” Andy shouted after me.
“It’s okay! I got it!” I shouted back. I tore up the stairs and into the cool darkness of the wings. Deep breath. Okay. I was safe. Now all I had to do was—
Oh crap.
A sudden chill raced down my spine. I was not alone. I could feel it. And I knew exactly who was watching me. I had to get to safety, like, now. I turned on my heel and walked directly into the concave chest of Glenn Marlowe.
He took a slug of his Yoo-hoo, his Adam’s apple bobbing above a curl of chest fuzz sticking out of the V-neck of his velour pullover. A chocolate moustache clung to his pathetic attempt at an actual moustache. Meet Glenn “All-Hands” Marlowe. The bane of my existence. If Fred and Andy were semi-irritating gnats, Glenn was one big-old, soul-sucking mosquito.
“Hey, KJ.” He licked his teeth. “You’re looking mighty . . . fetching this afternoon.”
His eyes trailed down to my breasts. My stupid, mongo, mega-breasts. This whole thing was their fault, really. Glenn Marlowe had been stalking me for exactly six years—longer than Andy, but not as long as Fred—and I can remember the exact day it started. It was the first warm day of fifth grade—before I was even aware of the effect that boobs had on boys—when I’d worn that stupid white T-shirt that I hadn’t realized I’d grown out of. Glenn had walked into homeroom right when I was stretching my arms over my head and his bug eyes had practically catapulted out of his head. He hadn’t stopped looking at my chest since.
“Congrats on being stage manager,” he told my left boob.
“Thanks, Glenn,” I said. I tried to move past him. Like he had ever let that happen.
“What’s the rush?” he asked, blocking my path. “I mean, look around. You. Me. The dark. What do you think the universe is trying to tell us?” He reached out and squeezed my upper arm. Hard. And suddenly I was not only boiling, but could hardly breathe.
Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? And why couldn’t I bring myself to tell him off ? Tama Gold would have. She would have told him to back the f-word off and probably would have kicked him in the groin fo
r good measure. But me? No. I was a good girl. Ask anyone. I was incapable of making people feel bad. Even if they were in the process of torturing me.
“Glenn? I really have to get the table read started. Why don’t you go check on the sound system? That would be such a big help.”
His lascivious grin widened. “Really know how to crack the whip, don’t you, KJ? Well, don’t worry. I like it.”
Ew.
“I have to go.”
I faked left, then dodged right, and somehow got around him. Maybe somebody on stage would save me. Please let Mr. Katz be here so we can start rehearsal. Or let Steph be here so we can run to the bathroom together. Something. Anything to get me away from—
“So, KJ, when are you gonna quit playing games and go out with me already?” Glenn asked.
The entire cast, whom Andy had gathered on the stage by now, fell silent.
“What?” Andy blurted, his clipboard dropping.
“You’re gonna go out with him?” Fred asked.
A few people laughed. A few people whispered. I looked up at the pink light above us and willed it to fall on my head.
Welcome to my life. The life of a Geek Magnet.
I am the geek pied piper, drum major in the geek parade. Ever since I can remember, a steady stream of unsavory guys has been following me around like I was God’s gift to geekdom and I have no idea why. Stephanie was always telling me that I shouldn’t complain. That at least someone was crushing on me. And she had a point. She did. But at times like these, that logic really did nothing for me. I mean, this was what my days were like. Embarrassing ambushes, awkward conversations, horrible letdowns, me feeling like this evil, superficial person who couldn’t see past face value. But it wasn’t my fault. I would have gladly fallen in love with one of these guys. My life would have been so much easier. But I couldn’t do it. My heart already belonged to another. And besides, these guys really did make it so damn hard. I mean, it wasn’t like they were funny-cute dorks (no Andy Sandbergs here), or even semi-hot dorks (Jimmy Fallons don’t actually exist). Each one of these guys had at least ten strikes. And I’d been through this so many times before that really, all I wanted was for that stupid light to fall and flatten me. I would have gladly taken one on the head if it would have gotten me out of this mortification.