Being here in your dream.
What is this? Some kind of science project?
No. Of course not.
Declan, you sound angry.
No. Sorry. It’s just that you’re freaking me out.
How’d you get here?
In my dream.
It’s hard to explain.
I started to feel a little calmer
but then it occurred to me:
When I dream, I wake up and find out
the dream is just an illusion.
This is not illusion.
Then let me see you again.
And there she was.
Smiling.
I blurted out
You have really nice eyes
(I’d never seen anything quite like them
large beautiful dark liquid eyes
eyes that could make you forget your own name.)
Thank you
she said. She was smiling.
Can you see me?
I said.
Of course.
And?
Well, I chose you, didn’t I?
What do you mean?
I built the bridge so I could be with you.
Ah, the bridge. Ready to explain?
Not yet.
That’s when I woke up.
It was six a.m. according to my clock
and there was sunlight
and the dream was fresh in my head.
I was alone in my roomof course
but now convinced she was not real.
Rude Awakening
Nutjob after all. Not lucky
I concluded.
Time to see a shrink.
Get medicated maybe.
Return to reality.
And then, her voice:
You don’t really want to do that
do you?
You really can read my thoughts?
Yes.
I don’t know if I like that.
Sorry.
Why were you in my dream?
I thought I might be able
to get closer
to you.
I thought
your barriers might be down.
Right.
But
dreams are kind of messy and confusing.
And private.
But it wasn’t just that.
I’d felt invaded
or, what’s the word?
Violated.
Maybe you should stay out of my dreams.
Really?
Really.
Okay. Sorry.
Now I could see her again in my head.
Rebecca
I said out loud.
Do you want me to leave you alone?
No.
The no surprised me.
I want to get to know you
but
I’m gonna need some privacy.
I don’t understand.
Well, I
we
um, we all
have a lot of weird thoughts
kicking around in our heads.
I’ve noticed.
It doesn’t all make sense.
Can we establish some rules?
You mean barriers?
I mean boundaries.
She looked hurt.
How can I explain?
I don’t want anyone, even you
reading my every thought
knowing my feelings
being part of my every opinion
listening in on my inner conversations
everything that rattles around in my chaotic
jumble of thoughts.
Watching everything I do.
Thank you for explaining
she said.
So how can we make this work?
Maybe you can come up with a mechanism
a word.
You say the word and I leave.
You say another word and I come back.
What can I say when I want some, um, privacy?
I asked.
Vega. Say Vega.
Why that?
I don’t know. It’s the name of a star.
Okay. When I say Vega, you give me some space?
Space. Sure.
I laughed and said
What happens after Vega, stays in Vega.
What?
Sorry. Stupid joke.
I think she might have laughed
or pretended to laugh.
Okay then. What if I say
or think your name
and you come back?
Okay
She said.
Try it. Try the word.
Vega.
And she was gone without a trace.
Rebecca?
I said it out loud
feeling some powerful tug inside my chest
just by saying her name.
But she didn’t return.
Vega
After she went away
I decided not
to say that word
again
ever.
And Now You Get to Meet My Mom
This required a walk downtown
to her store:
Spiritual Solutions.
The little bell rang when I arrived.
Fiona, my mom, was showing a tray of amethyst crystals
to a customer.
Her face lit up like the sun when she saw me.
Declan
she said
it’s so nice to see you
here in the store.
It’s been a while.
The customer chose a piece of amethyst
handed my mother some money,
smiled, and turned away.
The little bell rang as she left.
My mom and I always had one thing in common:
people considered us a bit strange.
Maybe she’s the reason
I am the way I am.
I could tell her things
I’d never tell my father.
But she always looked worried
when I spoke to her
about
the voices.
But I had to tell someone
other than just Jonesy.
So I told my mom about Rebecca.
Her eyes widened.
Do you like her?
she asked.
I do.
Do you know why she is visiting you?
I don’t.
Are you keeping an open mind about her?
I’m trying to.
Many great people have heard voices
and had visions.
Many crazy people too.
Do you think you are crazy?
I didn’t think so until she appeared.
I don’t think you are crazy. I think
something unique has come your way.
Well. What should I do?
Despite her words, my mom
suddenly looked terribly anxious.
Is she here now?
I closed my eyes and said her name silently.
Nothing.
No. I may have lost her.
I told her I needed privacy.
I’m not sure she understood.
Be patient.
What if she doesn’t return?
Then, that is as it was meant to be.
And what if she does come back?
Get to know her.
But Declan
ha
ve you said anything about this
to your father?
No.
He’s not going to like it.
Maybe you shouldn’t mention it.
Maybe.
It’s just
well, you know your father.
I nodded, but I’d have to
try to explain it to him
because he’d get furious if he found out
I told my mom and not him.
That had happened before.
Many times.
With bad results.
And Declan
about this girl.
Is she cute?
I nodded.
Do you really
like her?
I blushed.
Do you trust her?
I think so.
Yeah.
I do.
Then ask her
the most important question of all.
Which is?
Ask her what she carries in her heart.
And that was just like my mom
to say that.
She trusted emotion
and back then I didn’t.
But she is
at least partly the reason
I am the way I am.
She had said the right thing
but still
I was a little scared
and confused.
At that moment
I wished I was a little more
like my father
who saw the world
in black and white
and trusted only facts
not belief.
Introducing My Dad
Sometimes you just have to ask
your parents for help.
Even your brainiac father.
My dad, Brendan, was home in his study
reading
a book.
He teaches
physics at the university.
I used to pronounce it “pissicks” when I was little
and it made him laugh.
I wished I could make him laugh
that easily now.
What are you reading?
I asked.
Oh, just a little treatise on a new twist on
light quantum theory.
The thing looked to be nine hundred pages long.
Is it good?
It makes one think.
Anything that gets the brain going is good.
Do you mind if I interrupt?
Not at all. This chapter on monochromatic
radiation can wait.
What if I told you there was this voice
inside my head?
I’d say it’s nonsense.
It’s your imagination.
Imagination is good
only if it is put to good purpose.
But her voice seems very real.
Her voice?
That’s just it. It’s a girl’s voice.
Hmm. Do you know this girl?
I’m getting to know her.
Is she a girl from school?
No. It’s not like that.
Then who is this girl?
She calls herself Rebecca.
Brendan frowned.
Is this
this voice
interfering with your schoolwork?
I lied and said no.
Who is she?
That I don’t know. I only know she is in my head.
Can you see her?
Sometimes.
Do you think she is a real person?
I do.
Aside from her voice
and what you see in your head
is there anything, um
tangible about her?
I can’t reach out and touch her
if that’s what you mean.
Has she told you to do anything crazy?
Like what?
Like jump off a bridge.
It seemed odd that he used that word:
bridge.
I stared at him for a second.
And then he gave me his classic Brendan-the-father frown.
Declan
he said through clenched teeth
you need to grow up
and stop letting your imagination
trick you like this.
You need to discipline your thoughts.
It was a familiar phrase that often ended
many of our conversations.
And it wasn’t the words
as much as the look.
That look always said he was right
and I was being childish.
It was a look that always
always
really pissed me off.
So I refused to say another word
and did what I always did
after a talk like this.
I stomped off to my room
like a little kid.
On the Bus
That’s where she returnedon the bus.
I closed my eyes for a brief second
and then I heard her.
Declan.
You’re back.
Miss me?
Sort of.
And then I could see her
inside my head.
I looked around at the other people on the bus.
Some of them were looking at me.
Reading the look on my face.
Probably thought I was on drugs.
So I got off at the next corner.
Walk with me
I said.
Can we go someplace private?
Sure.
And we walked in silence for several blocks
until we came to a path leading into a park
with tall trees and grey squirrels.
Now what?
We get to know each other better.
Ask me anything.
My mom said I should ask you
what is in your heart?
Wow, you told her about me?
Yes.
And she didn’t freak out?
She’s not the freak-out type.
But my dad
he did.
You told him too?
Yes.
Her image began to fade.
Wait
I said.
Don’t go.
I wasn’t going
I just felt …
You felt my worries
my doubts.
I felt
something.
So, what about my question?
I was taking a chance but
I really needed to know
who she was.
Okay
she said.
Here goes.
I came here from a great distance
to find you because
I was very lonely
and I needed to connect to someone.
To you.
That is what is in
my heart.
It took a very long time
to find you.
Why me?
I don’t know.
I just knew that if I didn’t find you
I would be lost.
Are you supposed to help me in some way?
No.
You
are supposed
to help me.
Upside-Down Universe
That’s what it felt like.
Completely wrong.
How could I help an
yone
especially her?
I was the one lost
in my own world
a world where I did not belong.
I was looking for a guide
a person with imagination
to help me find a way
to fit in
to survive.
I had convinced myself
Rebecca had come into my head
into my life somehow
to show me the way
to blend
imagination and reality to give me
meaning
and hope.
Please
she repeated.
Help me.
Help
That’s what she said. I was supposed to help her.
She faded after that
and in her place was an image of
a pile of rocks
on top of a mountain.
I could see the ocean in the distance
and directly below the mountain
green valleys
and other mountains
far away
and I felt wind in my hair.
There was a distinct smell
a distinct smell of
what?
I couldn’t nail it down at first
but then I figured it out:
cow shit.
Rebecca
I silently asked.
Why am I smelling cow poop?
Clues
Then I suddenly lost that image and she was back.
Did you like it?
What?
Where I took you.
Did you like it?
Yes, it was interesting
and very beautiful
but a bit smelly.
That’s all you have to say
about where I come from?
So that was your home?
It’s near where I live.
I go up there to reconnect.
What do you reconnect to?
You’ll need to know me better first
before I can answer.
But where was that?
Guess.
It suddenly occurred to my rattled brain
that Rebecca was an alien.
Was that the world you came from?
Yes and no.
I’m still there
but here.
At the same time?
Yes.
But before you ask
no, I am not an alien.
Can I take you to another place?
Will it smell like cows?
No. Shut up and close your eyes.
I closed my eyes
I smelled the sea
I smelled the pungent scent of seaweed
and I felt the sea breeze and sun on my face.
I let my mind bring it into focus.
A beach.
A long sand-and-rock
empty beach.
The sea was blue.
There were islands.
Oh my God