Butterfly Kisses
By Marissa Steidl
Copyright 2015 by Marissa Steidl
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Chapter One
Dear Ava
I'm sorry.
You might not
Receive this
Letter until after
I am found.
I loved you
Little sister.
Which is why
Making this choice
Was hard.
I tried, I truly did.
You knew, but
You didn't quite
Know, did
You?
-Michael
Chapter Two
He can't swim
He can't swim
He can't swim.
So why did
He decide
To go for
A swim at
Four in
The morning?
My world spins
When I get
The phone call.
“Are you Ava Green?”
They ask.
“Yes.”
“I'm calling about your brother, Michael Green.”
“What about him?”
My heart starts
Beating faster.
“There's been an accident.”
“Is he alright?”
My heart is
Pounding now.
“I'm afraid, he's passed away.”
They keep talking,
But I don't hear
What they say.
The phone hits
The floor, bouncing
Up.
I can hear
Someone screaming.
And then I
Realize it's
Me.
My friends stare
At me, concerned
Asking me what's
Wrong.
I try to
Tell them but
The words won't
Form.
Someone picks up
The phone and
Listens, nodding
Along.
Finally they hang
Up, and murmur
To everyone
Else.
“It's her brother.”
They back up
Giving me space.
I run outside
Moving away from
Them, as fast
As I can.
I stop running.
A friend, Kelly,
Followed me.
“He drowned, Ava.”
Tears fill my
Eyes, and I
Begin sobbing.
“I'm sorry.”
She says, giving
Me a hug.
“He can't swim.”
I whisper.
Chapter Three
You must hate
Me Ava.
Are you cursing
My name to
God?
I know that
Most people
Would have left
A letter or
A note.
Not a series
Of letters.
You must have
Questions, a
Lot of them.
So this is
My way of
Answering them
And saying
Goodbye.
They should
Have called you
Not mom and
Dad.
Start with my
Apartment in
Seattle.
-Michael
Chapter Four
I stare at the
Door.
It leads to the
Lions den, the
Place I vowed
Never to
Return to.
A promise
I kept well
Until today.
With a shaky hand
I ring the
Doorbell and
Wait for them.
The door swings
Open, and my
Mother stands
Before me.
“Who is it?”
My father ask.
“Our daughter.”
She responds.
To me she says
“Has hell frozen over yet?”
I want to respond
With something
Equally rude, but
That's not why
I'm here.
“Can I come in?”
“Yes.”
My father stands
Behind my mother.
I step inside,
Follow them
To the living room.
“I'm only here, because he wanted me to tell you.”
“Tell us what?”
“Michael, he...he's passed away.”
Tears roll down
My cheeks.
They stare at me
In horror.
“How?”
“He drowned.”
The tears come
Faster now.
“But he didn't know how to swim.”
My mother says.
“I know.”
“Did he-”
She begins to sob.
“Yeah.”
I move towards the
Hallway, stopping
In front of the
Door.
“I'll call you about the memorial.”
I walk out the
Door and don't
Look back.
Chapter Five
Michael made it
Clear years ago
He wanted to be
Cremated.
I never thought
I would see
The day I had
To plan my
Brother's memorial.
I watch as people
File in to the
Room, sitting
Down.
My parents stand
Next to me
Dabbing their eyes
With tissues.
I don't cry
Or feel sad.
I can't really feel
Anything, almost
Like my body's numb.
Michael's friends
Pile in to the
Room, a mess
Of tears.
The room is full,
And I begin babbling
On about my brother.
Chapter Six
Did you stick
With the memorial?
I hope so.
I'm sure mom and
Dad pushed for a
Funeral, you know how
Stubborn they are.
I know returning home
Must have been difficult,
But even if I hadn't
Spoke to them in
Years, they
Still deserved
To know.
This must seem
Pretty screwed up
To you, but it's
The easiest way
For me to explain.
And I'm sorry but
The answers you
Get might shock you,
Maybe even hurt.
God, how many times
Have I apologized now?
Maybe you should do shots
Each time I
Say sorry.
-Michael
Chapter Seven
The thing is
Little sister I
Can't just send
You
all the
Letters at once,
Or else you
Would skip right
To the end.
And I can't
Have that.
You need to read
All the letters,
Starting from
The first, so
You truly understand.
Now since I'm
Dead, I've left
Instructions for
A friend, to make
You promise to
Read them in
Order.
In fact I
Asked him
To make sure
He helps you
Out for some
Of this.
I hope he
Does, but I
Guess you'll
See.
You might meet
Him at my memorial.
His name is
Finn.
Until the next
Letter Ava.
-Michael
Chapter Eight
It's been two
Day's since
His memorial.
I've gotten
A few letters
Since then.
Four to be
Exact.
I just started
Reading them.
It takes a lot
For me to
Not cry.
Michael always
Did love being
Cryptic.
He expects me
To travel all
The way to
Seattle.
For a bunch
Of letters?
I wish he would
Have just explained
Everything in one
Letter.
But then again,
I have nothing
To lose by
Doing this.
I have to pack
Up his stuff
Anyways.
Maybe I'll see
If I can find
Finn later
Before he
Leaves.
Chapter Nine
I'm meeting
With Finn
For coffee.
I'm hoping
He will
Know where
My brother
Lived.
You would think
I would know
This, seeing
How we were
Close.
In the past couple
Years though,
My brother slowly
Pushed me away.
“Hello. I'm Finn.”
He sits down
Across from
Me.
“Hi, I'm Ava.”
I offer him
A sad smile.
“I know.”
He smiles back.
“Michael told me
A lot about you.”
This surprises me,
I didn't even know
Who Finn was
Until today.
“You were close?”
“Yeah.”
Deep breathe.
“Did he by any chance leave you a letter?”
“Yeah, he did. I'll help in any way I can.”
“Can you show me where he lived?”
“You're coming to Seattle?”
“He wanted me to.”
I clear my throat.
“Okay. We were roommates.”
I nod, looking
Away.
Nobody says
Anything for
A few minutes.
“Do you want to go back with me?”
Finn asks.
“Um...sure.”
“Or we can go separately.”
“No its just, I don't like heights.”
I explain.
“I could drive us back though.”
“All right. See you tomorrow, then?”
I nod again, and he leaves.
Chapter Ten
I pull up
Outside of
Finn's hotel,
Waiting for him.
He walks out
And looks around
For me.
I stick my
Arm out the
Window and wave
To him.
Finn ambles
Over, setting his
bags in the backseat.
“Excited to get back home?”
I ask.
“Kind of. Not really used to the heat.”
He is wearing a t-shirt
With jeans.
“Yeah, Georgia's not for everyone.”
He smiles.
“I guess not.”
I pull away
From the curb
And head for
The highway.
Silence settles
In to the car
With us.
I play with
The radio
Until I settle
On a station.
A catchy pop
Song drifts
Through the speakers.
We end up
Spending the
Drive out of
Georgia like this.
When we stop
At a gas station
He offers to
Drive.
Chapter Eleven
He wakes me up
Somewhere around
Missouri.
We stop at
A gas station
And switch.
He settles in
For a nap
While I turn
The radio on.
I keep it
At a low
Volume so
Not to wake
Him.
It reminds me
Of all the
Road trips
Michael and I
Used to take,
Before he moved
Away.
Tears prick the
Corners of
My eyes, but
I ignore them
And keep driving.
Chapter Twelve
Ava I hid
Another letter in
Finn's bag.
By now you
Should be close
To Seattle.
Knowing you,
The two of
You are driving
All the way
To Seattle.
Kind of like
The road trips
We used to go
On all those
Years ago.
It's too bad we
Never kept up
With them.
How many states
Did we have left
To go?
I think 27,
Maybe?
You probably
Remember better
Than me.
I never did
Understand why
You chose to
Stay in Georgia,
Instead of going
Elsewhere.
You used to talk
About traveling
The world.
What changed in
You, that made
You decide against
That?
I bet you
Would say it
Was me.
Not that you're
Blaming me,
Just that you
Were worried about
Me.
You never did
Know just how
Bad things were.
Guess that's my
Fault for pushing
You away so
Much.
-Michael
Chapter Thirteen
It happens at the
Next gas station.
I had been driving
For hours, and decided
To
stretch my legs.
I left Finn in
The car while
I got gas and
Went inside.
When I got
Back out, he
Was leaning
Against the car,
Holding something
In his hand.
The closer I
Got, I saw that
It was a letter.
I started crying,
Gaining the
Attention of the
People around us.
Finn looks alarmed,
Unsure of what
To do.
He ushers me
Into the car
And gets in
The drivers side.
“Just having a bed week.”
He says to everyone.
They look away,
Uncomfortable with
The sobbing woman.
Finn starts driving,
While I try to
Calm myself down.
The letter sits
In my lap.
Gingerly I
Open it, hands
Shaking.
I read the
Letter and lean
My head against
The window.
“He couldn't swim.”
I whisper.
“I know.”
Chapter Fourteen
We're finally in
Seattle.
It's raining.
Turns out
Finn and Michael
Were roommates.
He told me
On the drive over.
I'm staying in
Michael's room
While I pack
His things.
I thought it
Would hurt more
To be in the
Same room he
Lived in, but
I guess it's hard
To be hurt
When you hardly
Knew him.
I used to
Know him, but
Somewhere along
The way, we got
Separated and
Couldn't find
Each other.
It's been more
Like two strangers
Who have just met.
And that hurts
More.
I lost my
Brother long before
He died.
Chapter Fifteen
If your reading
This letter, then
It means your
In Seattle, in my
Room.
Or Finn
Found the letters
And mailed them
To you.
I hope its
The former.
Ava we both
Know I had
A tendency to
Be cryptic,
But I promise