A Girl Named Mister
Nikki Grimes
Bestselling author Nikki Grimes, author of Dark Sons, Barak Obama: Son of Promise, Child of Hope, and Voices of Christmas, presents the story of Mister, a teenage girl who honestly and poignantly tells her story of temptation and teenage pregnancy through free verse, and who finds support and forgiveness from God through a book of poetry presented from the virgin Mary's perspective.
Nikki Grimes
A Girl Named Mister
Copyright © 2010 by Nikki Grimes
Prologue
Mary: When Gabriel Comes
I.
A bright light turns the night
of my chamber into day
and pries my eyes open.
What do I see?
A being lit from within,
a giant whose voice
is quiet thunder.
“Fear not,” he says, too late.
I quake, rubbing my eyes
anxious to wake
from this dream.
“I am Gabriel,”
says the voice, more soothing now.
“I bring a message from God.”
Trembling, I rise
ready to listen.
Still, what am I to make
of his amazing words?
That I, a virgin,
am to be mother of Messiah?
II.
All things are possible
with God.
The truth of it
falls on me like rain.
I slowly drink it in,
then lift my arms,
surrendered.
“I am yours, Lord.
Do with me as you will.”
He wraps his light around me.
I am never the same again.
Mister: First Touch
How did it happen?
I told myself
it’s only touching.
I told myself
my clothes are still on.
But who was I kidding?
Even through
my rayon-cotton blend
his touch
burned the world away.
Cave quicquam incipias quod paeniteat postea.
“Be careful about starting something you may regret.”
– Syrus, Maxims
A Girl Named Mister
Blame it on my mother.
She’s the one who named me
Mary Rudine.
The name is some throwback
her old-fashioned thinking
came up with.
Nobody but Mom
has called me Mary Rudine
since forever.
First it was Mary,
then it was M.R.
Mister is all anybody
calls me now.
My boyfriend used to think
it was cute,
a girl named Mister.
Used to think I was cute.
Used to be my boyfriend
what feels like
a million years ago.
Then again, I used to be
a good Christian girl,
the kind who would never, well…
Just goes to show
how little people know.
Even I was surprised by me.
Now, I close my eyes
hoping to see
exactly where I went wrong.
When It Was Good
Was it that long ago?
I remember one morning
sitting in church,
keeping my eyes on Dante,
the cutest boy in the band.
Mom caught me.
“Quit eyeing that guitarist
like candy,” she whispered.
I laughed easy.
In those days,
Mom and me,
we could talk
about anything.
Temple of My Redeemer
A second home,
as familiar as skin.
Crammed inside its walls
memories of
Sunday school,
all-church picnics,
and vacation Bible school
Sword drills.
My youth group meets there,
and choir, of course.
Even my old Girl Scout troop
once hung out
on holy ground,
meeting in
the church basement.
I could always
count on the deacons
to take dozens of cookies
off my hands.
I’m just saying,
God’s house
was cozy territory,
no question.
Until this last year.
Don’t ask me why,
but something in me
started pulling away.
Choir
For as long as I can remember,
I have loved to sing in the choir.
“Sing, Mister” folks call out
as my voice does a high-wire
reaching for heaven’s hem.
I don’t know what my friend Sethany
concentrates on,
but whenever she sings
about the Lord
her face gets this inside-out glow.
That’s all I know.
Something’s Missing
Ankle deep,
my faith a thing
I wade into now and then.
Not like Sethany.
She’s mid-sea
and thinks I’m
right behind her.
For Me
I’m not sure when it happened,
but one Sunday I woke up
and for me,
church was mostly about
hanging out with friends
at God’s house.
And for the longest time,
that seemed to be enough.
After worship,
Mom would flash me a smile
that said “Good girl!”
as Seth and I
trotted off
to youth group.
Restless
I turned the music
of the world
way up,
my feet itching to dance
to a new rhythm,
something other than
gospel.
Sophomore Shuffle
Mom calls volleyball
my new religion
just ‘cause
I practice every day.
How else will I get better?
Let her razz me
all she wants.
I figure
since I was good enough
to make the team,
maybe volleyball
can help pay my way
to college.
It could happen.
you know what they say
about miracles.
Then Came Trey
It was a Tuesday.
It was almost cliché.
He raced round a corner,
rushing to class,
and smashed into me.
My books went flying
and so did my temper.
Thanks to this bonehead
I was going to be late,
which put me in no mood
for his apology,
and I was all ready
to cut him down to size
with my eyes,
until I caught his.
Those long lashes got me,
the way they softened
the hardscape of his face.
One look,
and they softened me too.
“Are you okay?” asked Trey.
I said something, I think,
or
maybe I just nodded,
or smiled.
It’s not my fault
I can’t remember.
Blame it on
those stupid lashes.
Outsider
I asked around,
found out Trey
is one of those guys
who hangs out on the fringes
of our group.
He doesn’t go to church
but seems to like
Christian kids,
so I figure
he probably believes in God.
That’s one point
in his favor.
Just Friends
I never thought
he was perfect.
I won’t tell myself
that lie.
But he was fine,
had a twinkle in his eye
with my name on it.
And when he smiled
I fell into him
headfirst,
got lost in his laughter.
I saw no danger.
After all,
we were just friends.
Trey’s Girl
I remember the first time
he claimed me.
We were at a party
with a bunch of kids from school
just after Thanksgiving.
I’d gone with Sethany.
Trey had shown up on his own,
like always.
Seth and I were chatting away
when some guy
from a school ‘cross town
came up to me for a dance.
Before I had a chance to speak,
Trey threw me a look,
then got all in this guy’s face,
smiling though
and saying nice as anything,
“Excuse me, but
this is my girl.”
Dylan Thomas
Trey found me in the library,
surprised me with a kiss
on the back of my neck.
The heat of it
ran up and down my spine
and I’m thinking,
Dylan who?
“See you later,” Trey whispers.
distracting me a little more
for good measure.
So, of course,
I had to go back
to the top of the page
and start reading
“Do Not Go Gentle
Into that Good Night”
all over again.
Into Him
I can’t usually stand know-it-all
b-ball players,
but I liked the way
Trey committed to
steering clear of drugs,
and how he talked about
keeping his body pure-
something we had in common,
even though I know
it doesn’t mean the same
for him and me.
Maybe, one day
it will.
Date
Trey said he’d be happy
to hang out with me wherever,
so I invite him to video night
at church.
Soon as the lights wink out
in the rec room
and Princess Bride
blinks onto the screen
(never mind that we’ve all seen
it a gazillion times!),
Trey whispers in my ear
that he wants me all to himself.
No more of these group dates
on video night,
or lame trips (his words)
to the local skating rink
for spins around the ice
and cups of hot chocolate.
“Why can’t we,
you know,
go on a real date,
just you and me?”
yeah, why not?
I start thinking.
Why not?
Don’t Remind Me
“Careful,” Seth warned me.
“I see the way you look at Trey,
the way he looks at you.
Remember, we both promised God
we’d wait.”
“We’re not doing anything,” I told her.
We’re not doing anything,
I told myself.
Still, I couldn’t help but notice
how the purity band
on my ring finger
seemed loose lately.
Like any day now,
it might
just
slip
off.
Just Us
Alone at his house,
his parents I don’t know where,
we sit on the sofa,
the TV watching the heat
rising between us.
I tingle all over
as Trey closes the distance.
It’s okay,
I tell myself.
I won’t let it go
too far.
But before I know it,
his hand is rubbing my inner thigh,
racing toward my waist,
reaching underneath my-
What am I doing?
“Stop!” I tell him
using what little breath
I have left,
too trapped
in my own frustration
to worry
about his.
Exposure
I switch on the TV,
see this boy and girl
plastered against the wall
of some fictional school,
kissing their brains out,
then sneaking inside the boys’ room.
Together.
I shudder, slightly disgusted,
and turn away.
Still, I start to wonder
if all the other
kids are right.
Am I Miss Priss?
Am I making too big a deal
about waiting?
The “L” Word
“You’re so beautiful,” says Trey,
his hands busy
with my buttons.
I finger the cross
round my neck.
A voice inside me chides
Remember:
you’re saving yourself for true love.
Trey must’ve heard.
How else to explain
him suddenly
cupping my face in his hands
and whispering,
“you’re killing me, girl.
you know I’m falling
in love with you.”
MTV
Nelly’s “Body on Me”
filters through the window.
I close my eyes,
wait for the music to end,
but I still can’t sleep.
The beat of my thoughts
a rhythm I can’t get
out of my head.
I just want you.
I just want to be
your addiction-
lines from a song
stirring in me
and the CD
isn’t even on.
Losing Ground
Like a summer shower
falling in silver sheets
thick as curtains,
love rains down on me.
Love
and love
and love
and Trey
are all I see.
In the Name of Love
I can’t explain it.
I think Trey
and feel as if
I’ve swallowed warm honey
and a spoonful of sun.
I’m not that pretty,
still I’m the one
he wants.
Don’t ask me why.
I only know
it makes me happy.
And isn’t that what love is?
And isn’t love what God is?
So how can wanting more of this
be wrong?
Am
nesia
Trey strokes my bare shoulder
and I shudder as
once-familiar words burst
like fireworks in my brain.
Something Pastor said about
temptation, and God’s help.
What was it?
I start to push away,
to study the words before
they fade.
“you’re sweet as
a chocolate Sunday,”
whispers Trey.
I smile, close my eyes,
and wait for more.
Before I know it,
my eyelids are screens
flashing the words
your body is a temple
of the-
“Silk wishes it were
as soft as you,”
Trey interrupts,
blowing hotly in my ear.
And after that, I swear
I don’t remember
much of anything.
Trey’s Place
Oh, God, oh, God! His hands
mapping every inch of me,
journeying where they shouldn’t be
but, ooooh!
Lord, I know you’ll understand.
you made my skin, Trey’s hand.
I never knew it could feel so-
What’s he doing?
Mmmm . He’s tracing my name
across my belly,
Mister, each letter
wet from his tongue.
God, I’m sorry but
I can’t stop,
don’t want to-
Oh God, oh God, Oh
God will forgive me,
right?
Right?
Later
He sleeps, guiltless.
I slink out of bed,
slither into wrinkled shirt and jeans,
pretend I’m a shadow
creeping across the floor,