CHAPTER 2 – ON THE ROAD
ROAD RAGER
There is no time to stop and chat
I have to get to work
I’m in a flaming hurry
And I’m about to go berserk.
The traffic’s banked up on the bridge
There is no room to move
So come on you in the beat up van
Get ya bum in gear, now man!
Oh for heaven’s sake
What’s wrong with you?
Catch up to the other cars!
You had a thousand chances,
I’ll make you see some stars!
BARP! BARP! BARP!
AH HA! A chance to pass!
Take that you bloomin’ idiot!
Put that up your (bleep)
Now, what’s that I see coming up ahead
She didn’t use her blinker!
SCREECH! SCREECH!
Friggle! Frazzle! Growl! Gruzzle!
You stupid little stinker!
I’ve had enough of idiots
And time is running out
I’ll ignore this light that’s just turning red
And drive on through, no doubt
BEEBLE! BEEBLE!
Oh, what damn rotten luck!
Hello officer – I’m sorry sir
It’s just that I was stuck
I’m in a kinda hurry
…well yes, the fine’s two hundred bucks?
SUNDAY DRIVER
Hello, fellow motorists
I’m pleased to meet you all
I’m your friendly Sunday driver
Who’ll drive you up the wall.
Why to me motoring’s a pleasure
When I embark upon the road
I savour every moment
With my precious people load.
There are many views and scenes
As we tour along our way
Let us take it at our leisure
We have all this fine long day.
The road is such a friendly place
Every motorist gives a toot
Then they show me one long finger
And scream: “Why don’t you walk, you silly coot!”
I’m the man who wears the hat
With a queue behind, a mile long
As I cruise along at 40 kay
Whistling a happy song.
In my six cylinder Mercedes
My motor just on cool
I turn my indicator on
As I veer towards the school.
Oops, I forgot to look to my right
But that nice lady saves the day
Her car has such good brakes
So I continue on my way.
Now we end our journey
Turn left into my drive
Everyone is safe and sound
And I am still alive.