The Girl
&
Her Ren
by
New York Times Bestseller
Pepper Winters
The Girl & Her Ren
Copyright © 2018 Pepper Winters
Published by Pepper Winters
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Libraries are exempt and permitted to share their in-house copies with their members and have full thanks for stocking this book. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.
Published: Pepper Winters 2018 pepperwinters@gmail.com
Cover Design: Ari @ Cover it! Designs
Editing by: Editing-4-Indies (Jenny Sims)
Proofreading by: Landers Editorial Services (Tiffany Landers)
Visit my Website at:
www.pepperwinters.com
Contents
BLURB
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CHAPTER THIRTY
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
CHAPTER FORTY
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
CHAPTER FIFTY
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
CHAPTER SIXTY
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
EPILOGUE
EPILOGUE CONT
NOTE TO THE READER:
UPCOMING BOOKS 2018
OTHER BOOKS AVAILABLE FROM PEPPER WINTERS
PLAYLIST
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
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UPCOMING BOOKS 2018
The Body Painter
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OTHER BOOKS AVAILABLE FROM PEPPER WINTERS
Ribbon Duet
The Boy & His Ribbon
The Girl & Her Ren
Dollar Series
Pennies
Dollars
Hundreds
Thousands
Millions
Truth & Lies Duet
Crown of Lies
Throne of Truth
Pure Corruption Duet
Ruin & Rule
Sin & Suffer
Indebted Series
Debt Inheritance
First Debt
Second Debt
Third Debt
Fourth Debt
Final Debt
Indebted Epilogue
Monsters in the Dark Trilogy
Tears of Tess
Quintessentially Q
Twisted Together
Je Suis a Toi
Standalones
Destroyed
Unseen Messages
Can’t Touch This
BLURB
“What do you do when you write down all your secrets? No…that’s not enough. What do you do when you write down all your secrets and the one person who should never read them does?
I’ll tell you what you do.
You hope.”
REN
Ren didn’t know the meaning of love until he took Della for his own.
To begin with, he hated her, but as the months bled into years, he learned the opposite of hate, dedicating his life to giving her everything.
Every sacrifice, every gift, he gave wholeheartedly.
But then love turned to lust and ruined everything.
DELLA
I was stupid to write down my secrets, but I’d been stupid before, so it was nothing new.
I couldn’t blame him, hate him, fix him.
I tried to move on without him.
But no matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to delete the secrets I’d written.
Until something happened.
Until he came back and read my stupid secrets.
And nothing was the same after that.
PROLOGUE
DELLA
* * * * * *
2032
FIRST, I WANT to say thank you.
Thank you for falling in love with Ren just as much as me. Thank you for allowing me to share our journey. Thank you for forgiving my youth, my jealousy, my possessiveness; but most of all, thank you for understanding what our story has always been about.
It wasn’t about two children falling for each other.
It wasn’t about sex or hunger or selfishness or want.
It was about love.
True love.
Love that spans decades, infects souls, and turns you immortal because, when you love that deeply, nothing can ever die.
It transcends time, space, distance, universes.
A love like this isn’t confined to pages or photos or memories—it’s fore
ver alive and wild and free.
Love.
That is what our story is about.
Romance comes and goes, lust flickers and smoulders, trials appear and test, life gets in the way and educates, pain can derail happiness, joy can delete sadness, togetherness is more than just a fairy-tale…it’s a choice.
A choice to love, cherish, honour, trust, and adore.
A choice to be there when arguments occur, and agony arrives, and fate seems determined to rip you apart.
A choice to choose love, all the while knowing it has the power to break you.
A choice, dear friend, to give someone your entire heart.
It’s not easy.
No one ever said it was.
Some days, you want it back, and others, you wish you had more than just one heart to give.
Love is the hardest thing we’ll ever have to do because love, as miraculous and wonderful as it is, is also cursed and soul-breaking.
Because of love, life is a war of moments and time and bargaining for more of everything.
But in the end, love is what life is about.
And love is the purpose of everything.
So, thank you.
Thank you for sharing our love.
Thank you for living, for choosing, for being brave enough to fall.
CHAPTER ONE
REN
* * * * * *
2018
WHEN I RAN from the Mclary’s, took a baby that wasn’t mine, and chose to keep her against all odds, I never stopped to wonder…how.
How did we survive all those years?
How did I keep myself alive, let alone baby Della?
How did one choice change my entire world—not only giving me a family of my own, but teaching me, before it was too late, that not everyone was evil.
Della Mclary successfully stopped me from going down a very dark and lonely path by forcing me to know the opposite of hate. I supposed, if someone were to judge the kid I was against the man I became, they’d say she saved me.
They’d say, without her, I would be a very different person.
Probably one a lot less forgiving, understanding, and most likely violent, angry, and dangerous.
They’d be right.
Those tendencies were still there, born from being abused and unwanted, forever a part of me whether I wanted to admit it or not. But I was also so much more, and those parts, the better parts, were stronger.
I chose kindness over cruelty, honour over disgrace, and propriety over indecency.
And it was the last one that made me leave.
The last one causing my current state of unhappiness.
It also made all those previous wonderings of how, completely irrelevant. Because who cared how it happened? Only that it did, and it was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me.
But now I had nothing, and I couldn’t stop scratching at the scars, wondering what caused me to deserve seventeen years of heaven with a girl I’d give everything for, only to endure the worst thing I’d ever imagined by giving the greatest sacrifice I could.
Her.
She was my greatest sacrifice.
And I did it to protect her from so many, many things.
But the question was back. Taunting me. Tormenting me.
How.
How did she get into that backpack in the first place?
It was night. She was a baby. I didn’t know where she slept, but surely, she had a crib with bars or a room with a door. The backpack was discarded where it always was by the door. It wasn’t a plaything for a child and it wasn’t sanitary for a baby.
But somehow, she’d ended up in it.
How had Della been in that bag at the exact same time I decided to run?
Was it purely coincidence? Did fate know far more than we did, understanding that Della wasn’t born for the Mclary’s but for me? For me to learn how to love. For me to have someone to hold. For me to protect and treasure and focus on rather than spiral into a place I shouldn’t go?
Or…had Mrs Mclary put her there?
Had she seen my test run the night before, watched me steal the meagre rations I’d managed, and somehow put her darling daughter in the stuffy, weathered ex-army bag?
And if she did, that changed my question from how to why.
Why did she give up her only blood?
Why did she tell her husband to shoot me and specifically mention what I could have in my stolen bag as I ducked and bolted through their cornfields?
The only two answers I could come up with were:
One, she wanted me and Della dead and figured she could kill two birds with one stone, blaming me when they walked to my gunshot body and noticed the bullet that killed me also killed their daughter.
Or two, Mrs Mclary wasn’t as evil or as complacent as I thought. Maybe she knew I was about to run and figured I was a better chance for Della than her husband ever was. The same husband who raped young girls when he believed his wife was upstairs asleep. The same husband who went to church and sang before God and donated at least an acre of produce every season. The same husband who was pure filth decorated in small town trust and lies.
Regardless of my questions, it didn’t change the fact Della ceased being theirs that night and became mine instead.
Every year from the first to the last, I loved that girl as if she were my very own blood, sweat, and tears. Girl made from my bones. Child made from my heart. Woman made from my soul.
The perfect mirroring piece that reflected everything I’d never had, loving me as unconditionally as I’d loved her, making me believe that questions didn’t matter when it came to us.
We were too important. Too perfect for one another. Too connected.
There was no argument. No denying. No elaborating the absolute truth. It didn’t matter if she was six or sixteen; our bond was unshakeable.
Which was why leaving her was worse than the worst thing I could do. Why walking away wasn’t just painful, it was suicidal.
I’d come alive the day Della became my family, and I died the day she ceased to be.
And it was my fault.
For so many years, I’d told myself my love was innocent.
I’d clutched onto my lies.
I’d hoped I could keep her, regardless of how my heart silently changed from protector to traitor.
But then, I woke up.
I saw the truth.
I understood the facts.
I tore out my godforsaken heart.
And my questions didn’t matter anymore.
Because all I knew, all I wanted, all I could bear was redemption from everything I’d done wrong.
And for the first time in my life, I wished she’d never been in my backpack, after all.
CHAPTER TWO
DELLA
* * * * * *
2018
LET ME ASK you a question.
Why exactly are you still here?
Didn’t I vow never to write in you again? Didn’t I close your document, bury the file, and shove aside all memory of Ren Wild and the secrets I was stupidly sharing with you?
Yet…here you are, still lurking on my desktop, a judging little icon begging me for an ending.
But I manage to ignore your taunting. I keep my mouse pointer well away from your pain and open a new file labelled Assignment Version 2.0.
Or that’s what I did for the past little while, at least.
I earned an extension when I had nothing to hand in to Professor Baxter. I blamed the flu—which normally wouldn’t be a homework-delayable excuse—but I have a bit of a reputation at college, you see.
The reputation of being a quiet, diligent student who enrolled the very afternoon she finished her high school exams. The moment I was free, I walked out of those halls and marched to the university a few blocks away. They weren’t open for new admissions yet, and I didn’t have my results from English, math, and science—not to mention any legal identification.
But
that didn’t stop me.
I practically got on my hands and knees for a chance to attend. To know I had a place to go, an institution to hide in because I no longer had anyone to call my own.
They were strict on no special treatment, but something in my desperation must’ve swayed them because my pleas were answered nine days later, and I was accepted into the creative writing course that I’d coveted for a while.
And, thanks to skills used to fibbing about our truth, I was able to extend the deadline for providing personal documentation, enrolling without proving who I was.
All I cared about was a new adventure that would keep my thoughts far from Ren—for however long it lasted.
Not that anything had that power…but I had to try.
The second I entered campus, I gathered a reputation that stuck.
I was known as the earliest arrival and last to depart. I studied with sheer-minded focus. I never answered back. I was hardworking and didn’t make trouble.
Along with an academic reputation, people made assumptions about me as a person. They knew me as slow to smile and last to laugh. A reputation for being a loner who would rather celebrate her upcoming eighteenth birthday on her own, rather than risk her heart by asking friends to fill up the hole inside her.
They say I’m lonely. They call me sad. They murmur sympathies when they find out I’m almost eighteen, live alone, and have no family—
Anyway…why did I even open your file?
I have no ending to give you.
He hasn’t come back.
It’s been two whole months since he left.
One graduation in the past.
One birthday in the future.
And no one to love or kiss or—
You know what? That’s not important.
What is important is I didn’t die when he walked out the door.
Bet you thought I slept through him leaving. Did you picture me waking up after a good night’s rest thinking everything would go back to normal after I’d stripped naked and kissed him?