He looked down at her phone.
“You’re seriously on Tinder again? Have you seen the kind of creeps there are?”
Surya laughed “Duh! I’m sitting with one prime example.”
Her messages didn’t go through, network was always unreliable in this corner of the city. The man didn’t follow her out although he had hoped she’d split the bill, but she was also his ride back to the factory. Surya glared at her phone and the dusty street around when a curious voice broke through the din.
“Surya Singh Shroff?”
She looked back, mildly amused at hearing her full name like some royal title.
It was the first time they’d seen each other in the flesh, both of them realizing in that moment that no amount of messaging could’ve prepared them for it. Seeing someone in person activates a different part of the brain altogether. He was dressed in a comfortable suit with a morning paper tucked under one arm, and the brightest smile she’d ever seen. She tried to remember if he’d ever mentioned how tall he was, immediately standing straighter to avoid dwarfing in front of him but could only recall the Uranus joke. With that she remembered the rest of their mostly-sexted conversations.
Surya knew she should’ve been aware of the man sitting on the other side of that dirty glass wall but Dhiraj was too close to look away from.
“Well this is a surprise!”
“Are you seriously here?” she giggled. “It’s so funny to bump into you this way.”
“Yeah, I just finished up a meeting with potential investors.”
“For your s tartup, right?”
His eyebrows shot up, “I’m impressed you remember. I think this means I’ll have to take you out for dinner sometime.”
“Oh I won’t force you.”
“I didn’t mean it that way,” she lost her breath when he touched her arm. “I really want to take you out.”
“I’m yours whenever.”
Now it was his turn to blush. That was impressive enough for Surya, how easily his shy smile let her in. The reality of sharing something real was upon them, nothing like the hazy nude selfies they’d shared previously. There was something familiar about him, the ease at which he put her just by talking about the everyday things. It made her wonder how he’d feel wrapped up in her arms at night.
“Don’t take this the wrong way Surya, I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing, but I seriously wish I could kidnap you right now.” He flashed her a dimpled smile.
“Ugh do it already!” She cringed at the sound of her own giggle.
“Don’t tell anyone I’m a random creep you met online.” He moved in for a quick hug. “And I really do wanna see you again, and soon.”
She threw out the coffee and dialed Sana not because she expected perspective but because talking had a way of settling her nerves. True to form her sister was only half-listening.
“So what, you two are dating now?”
“No don’t be stupid. He lives in Gurgaon it’s practically a different country, plus when you think about it I don’t even know anything about him. He’s just like this convenience you know what I mean? Like yeah I mean if I’m like feeling lonely or down I can text him and he usually replies also so that’s nice. And like he’s actually so good with dirty talk I can’t even tell you …”
“Then don’t. I beg you.”
Surya knew they were honking at her, she was holding up traffic because trying to assemble her thoughts was more important. She pretended to fumble with the ignition whilst berating herself for downplaying her attraction toward Dhiraj. The truth was something she wasn’t ready to accept.
“Oh wait, I was gonna ask about like this whole Daksh thing … what do we think? Is it even a real problem?”
The truth was Surya was fucking smitten.
“What the hell kinda question is that Surya? I don’t know. I wasn’t born from my mother’s vagina with the answers to everything in life! I didn’t even know there was a difference between HIV and AIDS till he told me about it. And then I was up for a whole hour last night researching it and now I’m convinced that he must’ve been fucking a) without a condom and b) probably in some shady corner of Lodhi Garden or something.”
“Why Lodhi Garden of all places …” she pulled out her lipstick even as the honking grew violent. “Wait, that actually makes sense.”
The midday commuters boiled over and flipped her off, snaking past the tiny squeeze of road beside her car. The guard who had until then been clearing way for her stared with murder in his eyes.
“You can get infected from peeing in the open for god’s sake. What is AIDS over a UTI know what I mean?”
Sana’s answer was less than satisfactory so she disconnected the call and returned to her mental soap opera starring Dhiraj, married men, and spiders.
It was around sunset from the way light slanted through the dark room. Chanda spoke into the dim corner of the bed, asking if Sana was sick. It was time for her pilates class but the day wasn’t right.
“I just can’t ya today.”
“You must eat something, didi.” She reached out with a tray of milkshake and little hearts cookies.
“That’s fine, just get me some cold water.” Her mouth was dry and dank from the nap. She saw a text from Tina, some half-made excuse and dinner promises she didn’t intend to keep. Her mother had now been out ‘shopping’ for over eight hours, solidifying her belief that Tina was just a selfish old bitch. Between that and unanswered texts on the group chat, Sana was glad she’d spent the day nesting in bed.
“I’m Here I’m Here I’m Here!”
Her mother wasn’t a bad person, Sana just had little patience for those who couldn’t knock before entering. There were days when she woke up and found Tina sitting on the edge of her bed mid-sentence and hurt that she wasn’t keeping up with the conversation. She’d protest some days by groaning ‘Ma!’ at her, and if life were a movie or a sanitary pad commercial they’d break into giggles and hug it out. But it wasn’t and they’d always only fight.
“Hi hi sorry I’ve been out all day bacche. I just had a sudden load of things to do and then I toh just decided to get all the errands done today only.”
“Oh okay ... That’s cool.” Sana balked at her nakedness under the sheets.
“No ya I’m so upset. You’re going through a break up and I wasn’t here only.”
“Mmmhmm it’s okay.”
“And then Chanda told me you didn’t eat anything today?”
“No ma I’m not hungry.”
“Eh, but you should eat something no?”
“I said I’m not hungry what the fuck is your problem?”
“Don’t shout at me, Sunaina!”
“Don’t call me that!”
“Shut up. That’s your name no matter what you say, you stupid girl.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat you fool, you’ll grow fat this way!”
“You want me to eat when I’m not hungry for what, your peace of mind or to settle your conscience? What if I get sick ya?”
She hoped her mother couldn’t notice her fumbling under the covers to put her robe back on.
“Fine, don’t eat anything. Starve for all I care.” A part of Sana was dying with every second that passed and her mother didn’t offer to make bhel puri. “Oh come come, you wanna see all my shopping?”
“You were gone for hours. What happened …?” Her mother’s chirpy demeanour was foreboding, like she was gearing her up for some terrible news.
“Ohh god long story. Also, what happened to your phone? Are you mad or what, Vikram told me you threw it off the balcony.”
Sana shrugged simply.
“Do you want something to drink? Wait I’ll tell Vikram to make something. He made this mojito for me the other day with some fresh cinnamon it was like the best ya. And it is so hot outside my god. I was worried I’d faint on the walk from the car to the mall and then you know how hot Minal’s house also gets na
sometimes!”
She went off barking orders further fueling Sana’s suspicion that she was hiding something.
Her parent’s bedroom was bigger than the café down the road, largely dominated by a four poster bed that had been lifted in through the balcony because they couldn’t bring it up the stairs. It faced the dark grey wall that housed the enormous TV screen that no one ever used. Dark warm wood ran from one corner to the other, polished to match the mahogany dresser that housed lazer cut crystal bottles of every perfume imaginable – it always reminded her of the illustrated Ali Baba story. This was where once she’d watch her parents play an old Fred Astaire record and sway, where she’d snuggle on Sunday mornings while Hassan read the morning paper and Tina practiced her crossword. She’d watch Cartoon Network as they passed a plate of fresh cut fruits above her. Now it was a room that looked like no one used it, where her mother slept on one side of the too big bed and the other was covered in aesthetically placed monochromatic shopping bags.
Sana paused, staring at them with trepidation. Unless half her wardrobe was going to charity, she couldn’t find a reason why her mother would purchase so many clothes. For a second, she wondered if any of it might be for her – as a consolation for the break up, but Tina had no clue of what had actually transpired.
Her mother was still barking instructions for dinner when she came upstairs. One knock on the door – she could knock on her own bedroom door but not her daughter’s, Sana noted – and Tina found herself with some explaining to do.
“You’ve done a lot of shopping ... Told papa?”
“Beta there is something I didn’t get to tell you last night,” her guarded tone turned Sana’s gut to lead, “because you were so upset and all.”
Sana’s silence made things worse.
“I feel really bad ... And then you and I got into a fight also. But anyway, I know how upset you were … how upset you are. So I just wanted to do something nice for you.”
“By buying out the whole mall?”
“Actually ... Well, not really. I’ll show you everything and you can actually keep whatever you like.” She tittered, waving a heavily ringed hand.
“Mumma just tell me what this is about na? Did something happen?”
“No no no, of course not. Your dad called yesterday. He’s … err … sort of extending his trip because there are things he needs to take care of before the Milan office space can be set up. We … um … we spoke for a very long time you know, because honestly it doesn’t make sense ya he keeps living in a hotel or some random B&B like this.”
“So what are we doing now?”
“Papa’s looking at a studio apartment there.”
“Oh. In Milan?”
“Yeah and actually if you think about it, it’s like kind of amazing. Because you can go and like stay there anytime –”
“But what about the apartment in New York he purchased like literally a month ago?”
“We aren’t sure yet. We’ll probably put it up on rent.”
“On rent?”
“On rent yeah. That makes more sense doesn’t it?”
Sana stared blankly.
“Do you want to go see it?”
“See what?”
“The apartment. I mean I haven’t asked him about it but I’m sure it’ll be cool if you go see it once before we lease it out. Maybe you can even set it up a little so we can actually charge more for a semi furnished –”
“But what about the place in Milan?” Sana wasn’t sure what the actual fuck was going on.
Her mother shrugged.
“Let me get this straight, papa is going to live out of there permanently?”
“Yes my baby,” her gooey voice grated against Sana’s ears. “We think it’s like for the best and all. However that does like bring me back to the shopping spree.” She pointed to the bloated paper bags.
“I met Priya for brunch today and she, you know what she’s like na stupid woman. She’s always coming up with all these crazy ideas. But actually I kind of loved this one. She suggested we go on a little getaway, just us girls! So Parmeet, Minal, Fari, and me we’re doing a super quick trip to Paris. Then I thought if I’m going there might as well go see your papa. You know make sure he’s eating properly and taking care of himself. You know how he gets na!”
“And you’re leaving me here.” Sana laughed once, unsure of what to say.
“I’m sure you want some time to yourself also bubba. You need to be at peace I understand that. Plus this way you’ll like have your friends and all around and you can have them stay over, you know what I mean? Just turn it into a little bachelor pad. The guest rooms are free – in fact I’ll have them cleaned once as well.”
Sana felt her knees give way as she landed on the side of the bed. Tina on the other hand was oblivious and dancing over to her bags.
“Oh oh oh and you’ll never believe what I got for you my baby.”
The box was hard to balance so Sana moved and placed it on the bed in front of her, splaying her fingers on the matte surface.
“I know it’s not going to fix whatever happened beta. But I just wanted to see your face when you opened it.”
It was the dress. The dress she’d been eyeing for her pre-wedding party. Sequinned all over with sheer panels and the faux ruffles. Her heart was still in her mouth but it didn’t taste good.
“I think someone already wore this dress ma.”
She realized the blood throbbing in her ears had nothing to do with the strain of holding the dress up.
“But thanks.”
Tina had caught herself before her daughter saw the eye roll. She gasped at the small paper cut on Sana’s thumb, from where a drop of blood had bubbled up.
“Oh god. How did this happen? My bedside drawer has a bandaid and there’s some dettol in the bathroom. Quickly get it.”
She flung the goddess Gucci dress, still in its box, and stood up.
“Don’t worry I’m not going to stain your stupid bedsheets.”
“Wash it with cold water first!”
“‘Kay!” She washed her thumb and rubbed a cotton ball dyed amber from the sanitizing liquid, sniffing deeply from the bottle. It was one of her favourite smells in the world.
Her hair looked like shit and it broke her heart. She’d been lovingly growing it out because she wanted it long and fresh and perfect for wedding photos. The ombré was still there but the darker roots had grown out; she flipped it over her shoulder and went back out.
“Is it still bleeding?”
“Of course not.”
She packed up the Gucci box and tucked it under her arm. “Thanks for the dress ma.”
“You wanna come down for dinner?”
“No thanks I’ll be in my room.”
“But I’m leaving tomorrow ya, come eat with me? If nothing else just give me company.”
“Tomorrow? What about a visa? Isn’t that supposed to take time.”
“My last one is still valid, obvi.”
“Cool.”
“Wait! Don’t you at least wanna see what all I bought?”
“Have fun on your trip mother.”
“Aye don’t be such a spoilt brat –”
The door slammed shut as if right to her face. Tina stood there hands and jaw clenched tighter than a sphincter forcing herself not to cry. She wouldn’t allow her daughter to ruin the beginning of her vacation. Maybe things were happening for a reason, that’s the kind of stuff they wrote about in inspirational books. The ones she skimmed over standing in the classical fiction section so it could count for something. She had to count for something – no she did, she definitely did. She counted for something. She mattered.
Changing into her own nightgown, she pulled out a bottle of wine and started packing.
“So what’s the deal with Sam,” Gayatri opened a bottle of premixed rum and handed it to Sana.
“What do you mean?” she flipped the parking lights off so they were now in darkness.
“Literally no one wants to see you in your underwear, Gayatri.” Karishma snorted from the back seat.
“And I hate hate hate the way her hands always smell of the henna. It’s sick. It makes me sick.”
“Okay I literally don’t even know what you’re talking about I love the henna smell.”
“Yes, at a wedding maybe. It’s not like we were out for drinks at Tivoli gardens for god’s sake it was fuckin Paparazzi ya!”
“Anyway, we went to Kitty Su afterwards,” Gayatri paused, wide eyed, for effect “and she still had it on.”
“Oh. My. God. I can’t even right now.” Lara lit a cigarette and motioned as if to cleanse herself with the smoke. “Like I’m unable to even, I have lost the ability to even!”
“Yeah, can you literally even imagine how bad it was?”
“If you think that’s bad news I have something worse to tell you.” A sigh.
Sana finished her drink and looked back with narrowed eyes. “Spill.”
“She’s leaving Delhi you guys, Sam is leaving Delhi.” Karishma exhaled loudly. Sana saw her chest heaving under pressure through the rear view mirror.
“Wait, that makes no sense. Where is she going?”
“I thought her visa was rejected?”
“Yeah, she’s moving to Pune instead.”
“Ew,” Sana laughed at the idea of her oldest friend living in a city like Pune, “what the hell is wrong with her?”
“I need a stiffer drink, Sana pass it here.” Gayatri threw her head back with a deep swig. “I swear if she’s actually joined an NGO I will kill myself.”
“No no it’s for Teach for India.”
Gayatri swiveled in her seat as though to punch her. “Okay bitch, that’s like the literal definition of an NGO. You know what this is exactly what starts to happen when fucking rich girls like us with hot bodies and an actual taste in fashion start mingling with that middle class West Delhi type crowd.”