'Don't be afraid, Angelica! if a dozen bears come, I will kill
them rather than they shall hurt you.' 'Oh, you silly creature!'
says she; 'you are very good, but you are not very wise.' When
they looked at the flowers, Giglio was utterly unacquainted with
botany, and had never heard of Linnaeus. When the butterflies
passed, Giglio knew nothing about them, being as ignorant of
entomology as I am of algebra. So you see, Angelica, though she
liked Giglio pretty well, despised him on account of his
ignorance. I think she probably valued HER OWN LEARNING rather
too much; but to think too well of one's self is the fault of
people of all ages and both sexes. Finally, when nobody else was
there, Angelica liked her cousin well enough.
King Valoroso was very delicate in health, and withal so fond of
good dinners (which were prepared for him by his French cook
Marmitonio), that it was supposed he could not live long. Now
the idea of anything happening to the King struck the artful
Prime Minister and the designing old lady-in-waiting with terror.
For, thought Glumboso and the Countess, 'when Prince Giglio
marries his cousin and comes to the throne, what a pretty
position we shall be in, whom he dislikes, and who have always
been unkind to him. We shall lose our places in a trice; Mrs.
Gruffanuff will have to give up all the jewels, laces,
snuff-boxes, rings, and watches which belonged to the Queen,
Giglio's mother; and Glumboso will be forced to refund two
hundred and seventeen thousand millions nine hundred and
eighty-seven thousand four hundred and thirty-nine pounds,
thirteen shillings, and sixpence halfpenny, money left to Prince
Giglio by his poor dear father.'
So the Lady of Honour and the Prime Minister hated Giglio because
they had done him a wrong; and these unprincipled people invented
a hundred cruel stories about poor Giglio, in order to influence
the King, Queen, and Princess against him; how he was so ignorant
that he could not spell the commonest words, and actually wrote
Valoroso Valloroso, and spelt Angelica with two l's; how he drank
a great deal too much wine at dinner, and was always idling in
the stables with the grooms; how he owed ever so much money at
the pastry-cook's and the haberdasher's; how he used to go to
sleep at church; how he was fond of playing cards with the pages.
So did the Queen like playing cards; so did the King go to sleep
at church, and eat and drink too much; and, if Giglio owed a
trifle for tarts, who owed him two hundred and seventeen thousand
millions nine hundred and eighty-seven thousand four hundred and
thirty-nine pounds, thirteen shillings, and sixpence halfpenny, I
should like to know? Detractors and tale-bearers (in my humble
opinion) had much better look at HOME. All this backbiting and
slandering had effect upon Princess Angelica, who began to look
coldly on her cousin, then to laugh at him and scorn him for
being so stupid, then to sneer at him for having vulgar
associates; and at Court balls, dinners, and so forth, to treat
him so unkindly that poor Giglio became quite ill, took to his
bed, and sent for the doctor.
His Majesty King Valoroso, as we have seen, had his own reasons
for disliking his nephew; and as for those innocent readers who
ask why?--I beg (with the permission of their dear parents) to
refer them to Shakespeare's pages, where they will read why King
John disliked Prince Arthur. With the Queen, his royal but
weak-minded aunt, when Giglio was out of sight he was out of
mind. While she had her whist and her evening parties, she cared
for little else.
I dare say TWO VILLAINS, who shall be nameless, wished Doctor
Pildrafto, the Court Physician, had killed Giglio right out, but
he only bled and physicked him so severely that the Prince was
kept to his room for several months, and grew as thin as a post.
Whilst he was lying sick in this way, there came to the Court of
Paflagonia a famous painter, whose name was Tomaso Lorenzo, and
who was Painter in Ordinary to the King of Crim Tartary,
Paflagonia's neighbour. Tomaso Lorenzo painted all the Court,
who were delighted with his works; for even Countess Gruffanuff
looked young and Glumboso good-humoured in his pictures. 'He
flatters very much,' some people said. 'Nay!' says Princess
Angelica, 'I am above flattery, and I think he did not make my
picture handsome enough. I can't bear to hear a man of genius
unjustly cried down, and I hope my dear papa will make Lorenzo a
knight of his Order of the Cucumber.'
The Princess Angelica, although the courtiers vowed Her Royal
Highness could draw so BEAUTIFULLY that the idea of her taking
lessons was absurd, yet chose to have Lorenzo for a teacher, and
it was wonderful, AS LONG AS SHE PAINTED IN HIS STUDIO, what
beautiful pictures she made! Some of the performances were
engraved for the Book of Beauty: others were sold for enormous
sums at Charity Bazaars. She wrote the SIGNATURES under the
drawings, no doubt, but I think I know who-did the pictures--this
artful painter, who had come with other designs on Angelica than
merely to teach her to draw.
One day, Lorenzo showed the Princess a portrait of a young man in
armour, with fair hair and the loveliest blue eyes, and an
expression at once melancholy and interesting.
'Dear Signor Lorenzo, who is this?' asked the Princess.
"I never saw anyone so handsome,' says Countess Gruffanuff (the
old humbug).
'That,' said the painter, 'that, Madam, is the portrait of my
august young master, his Royal Highness Bulbo, Crown Prince of
Crim Tartary, Duke of Acroceraunia, Marquis of Poluphloisboio,
and Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Pumpkin. That is the
order of the Pumpkin glittering on his manly breast, and received
by His Royal Highness from his august father, His Majesty King
PADELLA I., for his gallantry at the battle of Rimbombamento,
when he slew with his own princely hand the King of Ograria and
two hundred and eleven giants of the two hundred and eighteen who
formed the King's bodyguard. The remainder were destroyed by the
brave Crim Tartar army after an obstinate combat, in which the
Crim Tartars suffered severely.'
What a Prince! thought Angelica: so brave--so calm-looking--so
young--what a hero!
'He is as accomplished as he is brave,' continued the Court
Painter. 'He knows all languages perfectly: sings deliciously:
plays every instrument: composes operas which have been acted a
thousand nights running at the Imperial Theatre of Crim Tartary,
and danced in a ballet there before the King and Queen; in which
he looked so beautiful, that his cousin, the lovely daughter of
the King of Circassia, died for love of him.'
'Why did he not marry the poor Princess?' asked Angelica, with a
sigh.
'Because they were FIRST COUSINS, Madam, and the clergy forbid
these unions,' said the
Painter. 'And, besides, the young Prince
had given his royal heart ELSEWHERE.'
'And to whom?' asked Her Royal Highness.
'I am not at liberty to mention the Princess's name,' answered
the Painter.
'But you may tell me the first letter of it,' gasped out the
Princess.
'That Your Royal Highness is at liberty to guess,' said Lorenzo.
'Does it begin with a Z?' asked Angelica.
The Painter said it wasn't a Z; then she tried a Y; then an X;
then a W, and went so backwards through almost the whole
alphabet.
When she came to D, and it wasn't D, she grew very excited; when
she came to C, and it wasn't C, she was still more nervous; when
she came to B, AND IT WASN'T B, 'O dearest Gruffanuff,' she said,
'lend me your smelling-bottle!' and, hiding her head in the
Countess's shoulder, she faintly whispered, 'Ah, Signor, can it
be A?'
'It was A; and though I may not, by my Royal Master's orders,
tell Your Royal Highness the Princess's name, whom he fondly,
madly, devotedly, rapturously loves, I may show you her
portrait,' says this slyboots: and leading the Princess up to a
gilt frame, he drew a curtain which was before it.
O goodness! the frame contained A LOOKING-GLASS! and Angelica saw
her own face!
VII. HOW GIGLIO AND ANGELICA HAD A QUARREL
The Court Painter of His Majesty the King of Crim Tartary
returned to that monarch's dominions, carrying away a number of
sketches which he had made in the Paflagonian capital (you know,
of course, my dears, that the name of that capital is
Blombodinga); but the most charming of all his pieces was a
portrait of the Princess Angelica, which all the Crim Tartar
nobles came to see. With this work the King was so delighted,
that he decorated the Painter with his Order of the Pumpkin
(sixth class) and the artist became Sir Tomaso Lorenzo, K.P.,
thenceforth.
King Valoroso also sent Sir Tomaso his Order of the Cucumber,
besides a handsome order for money, for he painted the King,
Queen, and principal nobility while at Blombodinga, and became
all the fashion, to the perfect rage of all the artists in
Paflagonia, where the King used to point to the portrait of
Prince Bulbo, which Sir Tomaso had left behind him, and say
'Which among you can paint a picture like that?'
It hung in the royal parlour over the royal sideboard, and
Princess Angelica could always look at it as she sat making the
tea. Each day it seemed to grow handsomer and handsomer, and the
Princess grew so fond of looking at it, that she would often
spill the tea over the cloth, at which her father and mother
would wink and wag their heads, and say to each other, 'Aha! we
see how things are going.'
In the meantime poor Giglio lay upstairs very sick in his
chamber, though he took all the doctor's horrible medicines like
a good young lad; as I hope YOU do, my dears, when you are ill
and mamma sends for the medical man. And the only person who
visited Giglio (besides his friend the captain of the guard, who
was almost always busy or on parade), was little Betsinda the
housemaid, who used to do his bedroom and sitting-room out, bring
him his gruel, and warm his bed.
When the little housemaid came to him in the morning and evening,
Prince Giglio used to say, 'Betsinda, Betsinda, how is the
Princess Angelica?'
And Betsinda used to answer, 'The Princess is very well, thank
you, my Lord.' And Giglio would heave a sigh, and think, if
Angelica were sick, I am sure _I_ should not be very well.
Then Giglio would say, 'Betsinda, has the Princess Angelica asked
for me today?' And Betsinda would answer, 'No, my Lord, not
today'; or, 'she was very busy practicing the piano when I saw
her'; or, 'she was writing invitations for an evening party, and
did not speak to me'; or make some excuse or other, not strictly
consonant with truth: for Betsinda was such a good-natured
creature that she strove to do everything to prevent annoyance to
Prince Giglio, and even brought him up roast chicken and jellies
from the kitchen (when the Doctor allowed them, and Giglio was
getting better), saying, 'that the Princess had made the jelly,
or the bread-sauce, with her own hands, on purpose for Giglio.'
When Giglio heard this he took heart and began to mend
immediately; and gobbled up all the jelly, and picked the last
bone of the chicken--drumsticks, merry-thought, sides'-bones,
back, pope's nose, and all--thanking his dear Angelica; and he
felt so much better the next day, that he dressed and went
downstairs, where, whom should he meet but Angelica going into
the drawing-room? All the covers were off the chairs, the
chandeliers taken out of the bags, the damask curtains uncovered,
the work and things carried away, and the handsomest albums on
the tables. Angelica had her hair in papers: in a word, it was
evident there was going to be a party.
'Heavens, Giglio!' cries Angelica: 'YOU here in such a dress!
What a figure you are!'
'Yes, dear Angelica, I am come downstairs, and feel so well
today, thanks to the FOWL and the JELLY.'
'What do I know about fowls and jellies, that you allude to them
in that rude way?' says Angelica.
'Why, didn't--didn't you send them, Angelica dear?' says Giglio.
'I send them indeed! Angelica dear! No, Giglio dear,' says she,
mocking him, '_I_ was engaged in getting the rooms ready for His
Royal Highness the Prince of Crim Tartary, who is coming to pay
my papa's Court a visit.'
'The--Prince--of--Crim--Tartary! ' Giglio said, aghast.
'Yes, the Prince of Crim Tartary,' says Angelica, mocking him.
'I dare say you never heard of such a country. What DID you ever
hear of? You don't know whether Crim Tartary is on the Red Sea
or on the Black Sea, I dare say.'
'Yes, I do, it's on the Red Sea,' says Giglio, at which the
Princess burst out laughing at him, and said, 'Oh, you ninny! You
are so ignorant, you are really not fit for society! You know
nothing but about horses and dogs, and are only fit to dine in a
mess-room with my Royal father's heaviest dragoons. Don't look
so surprised at me, sir: go and put your best clothes on to
receive the Prince, and let me get the drawing-room ready.'
Giglio said, 'Oh, Angelica, Angelica, I didn't think this of you.
THIS wasn't your language to me when you gave me this ring, and I
gave you mine in the garden, and you gave me that k--'
But what k was we never shall know, for Angelica, in a rage,
cried, 'Get out, you saucy, rude creature! How dare you to
remind me of your rudeness? As for your little trumpery twopenny
ring, there, sir, there!' And she flung it out of the window.
'It was my mother's marriage-ring,' cried Giglio.
'_I_ don't care whose marriage-ring it was,' cries Angelica.
'Marry the person who picks it up if she's a woman; you shan't
marry ME. And g
ive me back MY ring. I've no patience with
people who boast about the things they give away! _I_ know who'll
give me much finer things than you ever gave me. A beggarly ring
indeed, not worth five shillings!'
Now Angelica little knew that the ring which Giglio had given her
was a fairy ring: if a man wore it, it made all the women in
love with him; if a woman, all the gentlemen. The Queen,
Giglio's mother, quite an ordinary-looking person, was admired
immensely whilst she wore this ring, and her husband was frantic
when she was ill. But when she called her little Giglio to her,
and put the ring on his finger, King Savio did not seem to care
for his wife so much any more, but transferred all his love to
little Giglio. So did everybody love him as long as he had the
ring; but when, as quite a child, he gave it to Angelica, people
began to love and admire HER; and Giglio, as the saying is,
played only second fiddle.
'Yes,' says Angelica, going on in her foolish ungrateful way.
'_I_ know who'll give me much finer things than your beggarly
little pearl nonsense.'
'Very good, miss! You may take back your ring too!' says Giglio,
his eyes flashing fire at her, and then, as his eyes had been
suddenly opened, he cried out, 'Ha! what does this mean? Is THIS
the woman I have been in love with all my life? Have I been such
a ninny as to throw away my regard upon you? Why-- actually--
yes--you are a little crooked!'
'Oh, you wretch!' cries Angelica.
'And, upon my conscience, you--you squint a little.'
'Eh!' cries Angelica.
'And your hair is red--and you are marked with the smallpox--and
what? you have three false teeth--and one leg shorter than the
other!'
'You brute, you brute, you!' Angelica screamed out: and as she
seized the ring with one hand, she dealt Giglio one, two, three
smacks on the face, and would have pulled the hair off his head
had he not started laughing, and crying--
'Oh dear me, Angelica, don't pull out MY hair, it hurts! You
might remove a great deal of YOUR OWN, as I perceive, without
scissors or pulling at all. Oh, ho, ho! ha, ha, ha! ho he he!'
And he nearly choked himself with laughing, and she with rage;
when, with a low bow, and dressed in his Court habit, Count
Gambabella, the first lord-in-waiting, entered and said, 'Royal
Highnesses! Their Majesties expect you in the Pink Throne-room,
where they await the arrival of the Prince of CRIM TARTARY.'
VIII. HOW GRUFFANUFF PICKED THE FAIRY RING UP, AND PRINCE BULBO
CAME TO COURT
Prince Bulbo's arrival had set all the court in a flutter:
everybody was ordered to put his or her best clothes on: the
footmen had their gala liveries; the Lord Chancellor his new wig;
the Guards their last new tunics; and Countess Gruffanuff, you
may be sure, was glad of an opportunity of decorating HER old
person with her finest things. She was walking through the court
of the Palace on her way to wait upon Their Majesties, when she
espied something glittering on the pavement, and bade the boy in
buttons who was holding up her train, to go and pick up the
article shining yonder. He was an ugly little wretch, in some of
the late groom-porter's old clothes cut down, and much too tight
for him; and yet, when he had taken up the ring (as it turned out
to be), and was carrying it to his mistress, she thought he
looked like a little cupid. He gave the ring to her; it was a
trumpery little thing enough, but too small for any of her old
knuckles, so she put it into her pocket.
'Oh, mum!' says the boy, looking at her 'how--how beyoutiful you
do look, mum, today, mum!'
'And you, too, Jacky,' she was going to say; but, looking down at
him--no, he was no longer good-looking at all--but only the
carroty-haired little Jacky of the morning. However, praise is
welcome from the ugliest of men or boys, and Gruffanuff, bidding
the boy hold up her train, walked on in high good-humour. The
guards saluted her with peculiar respect. Captain Hedzoff, in
the anteroom, said, 'My dear madam, you look like an angel
today.' And so, bowing and smirking, Gruffanuff went in and took
her place behind her Royal Master and Mistress, who were in the