I am empty of the day and night; a seashell marooned on a beach lying indistinct from the hard pebbles that batter my fragile surface. If only I could see farther than my own window.
Flocks of birds float by in a swirling pocket of air, their wings motionless, they soar high above the rooftops and glide with apparent ease. How I wish that could be me. Yet I sit and stare at their beauty, knowing that I have nothing to compare, with beauty, with freedom.
Shackled to the chains that I again have created for myself and I struggle to remove them. Why do I not learn?
From one runaway train that I make a giant leap from, landing bruised and forlorn, I jump onto another. Another carriage that offers hope for the future but becomes the same as before only with different interiors.
Love, it seems, has a way of looking different on the surface yet carries the same internal organs; it seeps into your pores and takes control so that when you see it for what it is you are too entwined to quickly let go. It takes another deep look inside yourself, another stare into the eyes of those demons, before you attempt your next leap and try to remain on the platform to the station. But is that what must be done? Standing alone at a station waiting for the next adventure train to pull in is what those inner devils want isn’t it? Is that what destroys you in the end?
Time ticks on, never ceasing, I sit and watch those birds enjoy their perfect flight. Sickened to the stomach I stand in awe, with jealousy filling my eyes. Imprisoned by my heart that aches for her touch as much as wanting to fly away itself; pulling one way, then another and wishing for happiness, fullness and some attention.
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Verse 1
You left me waiting on our clearest night
The clouds had lifted and the world had seemed alright
The promise made was one from in the heart
This was meant to be our time and a new start
Verse 2
I want to grab you for the answers that I fear
I want to keep my distance but to have you near
When I close my eyes I see your welcome stare
I let you in my heart all you did was strip me bare
I want to hurt you
Hold you
Let you know the pain I’m in
It’s been so long
Since you left me
Sipping at my lonely gin
But nothing can replace the noise I hear…
chorus
It’s the darkest angels who sing the sweetest tune
They whisper gently what will become soon
Their wings beat rhythm to the fading moon
Black angels who do sing the sweetest tune
Verse 3
The cold ice wind that courses through my veins
Is yours to warm though all I see is rain
I long to see you, hold your arms again
I want to hurt you better and end this seasoned pain
It’s the darkest angels who sing the sweetest tune
They whisper gently what will become soon
Their wings beat rhythm to the stars and fading moon
Coal-black angels sing the sweetest tune
Maudlin Floor
You walk over me, I’m your maudlin floor;
with your high-tempered stamping heels
that cut into my boneless spine
and splinter faint praise into sighing soul.
Those promises we made have fast become
your river-twisted burnt-out dreams,
that wind around my beaten heart,
like twines of reeds suffocating my sight.
Those slick high-heels that leave a lined trail
of liquorice black in your wake;
each treacle step sticky and cold;
every drop from your mouth a burning fog.
Like a hyena high on putrid gas
I see you giggle as you walk;
I could speak but for wailing tears;
bitterness falls like acidic raindrops.
Pass and go, collect no rewards;
leave clicking echoes of your endless pain.
WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is the hanging lantern of the moon with all its glowing radiance yet surrounded by dark eternal night As you step towards your moon you drift further towards the dark until it surrounds you and all you have left are the stars to light your way as you climb towards the stars the dark envelops you until you stand on the lip of an enormous black hole Love is a black hole which you carefully orbit One move away from the planned trajectory sends you tumbling and spiralling uncontrollably into its dark mouth and you become consumed by jealousy and rage and fear and hatred and it is there you stay while the black oil of anger fuels your love and seeps into your skin and your eyes and mouth until you cannot speak or hear or breathe Love is your oil of blackness that spills from your eyes and powers your heart It is the most fearful thing Love should be avoided but for that lasting promise of the moon
Imprisoned; like a battered cod.
Bars on windows, frozen time.
The kettle boils, I hear it click
And yet my gaze is stuck on the grass or
The keys in locks that no longer turn.
The tea-bag flops into the cup
Deathly silence welcomes ears until
Stir the cup and rinse the bag
Then imagine walking through the wall
While sipping bitter, over-brewed fluid.
Black is black
And weakened knees
Refuse to believe
Any other colour of the sea
Re-light the fuels
And prepare to lose
As you unwillingly choose
Black upon black
Black is black
And red is flowing
Freely and growing
Shamefully showing
Black within black
And decay in your head
As fearful steps tread
Towards your own death
As black is worn black
Black is black
From within your star
Viewed by us from afar
You’re a memory, a passing bar
Of music.
Black is black
Again.
Lonely boy
Who cannot understand
The loss of companionship
From his own hand.
Feared and unwanted
Scared and haunted
Everyone has left him
He’s lonely, sauntered
And in his eyes he sees
just shadow of his knees
while the world around
buzzes like bees.
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The End
And in the end
She rests her head on canvassed floor
Her mind a swirl of funfair lights
Sending her falling down her helter-skelter skirt
Destroying and disbelieving
Never agreeing or knowing
Always telling instead of listening
Only sleeping can I wake
At the end of the day
When all the force has been spent
I watch her breathing
And hope
Sometimes it would be her last.
©Zac Thraves
All content in this book is under sole ownership of the copyright holder and must not be reproduced in any form.
I hope you enjoy a brief glimpse into my thoughts. The number 28 has great meaning to me, hence the title. Thank you for downloading and reading.
zacthraves@emailcom
Zac Thraves is spending 2013 entirely paper free, chart his progress and news of forthcoming novels/events at zacthraves.wordpress.com
Other titles by Zac Thraves.
Pirates Vs Fairies
The Sublime Maisie Canon