The Project Gutenberg EBook of De Turkey and De Law, by Zora Neale Hurston
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Title: De Turkey and De Law
A Comedy in Three Acts
Author: Zora Neale Hurston
Release Date: July 25, 2007 [EBook #22146]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DE TURKEY AND DE LAW ***
Produced by Charlene Taylor and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
produced from images generously made available by the
Library of Congress)
[Transcriber's Notes: This play transcribed from an original
typewritten manuscript at the Library of Congress in the Zora Neale
Hurston collection. There are pencilled notations probably by Ms.
Hurston herself. These pencilled edits have been transcribed as [Note:
(text)] Any other questionable transcription is similarly noted.
Nothing in the dialect has been changed. Occasional obvious typos in
the stage directions have been corrected. There are inconsistencies in
both bracketing and punctuation, which have been left as in the
original manuscript. There seems to be an irregularity in the spelling
of "Simms"; "Sims" seems randomly substituted.]
DE TURKEY AND DE LAW
A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS
by
ZORA HURSTON
CAST
Jim Weston A young man and the town bully (A Methodist)
Dave Carter The town's best hunter and fisherman (Baptist)
Joe Clarke The Mayor, Postmaster, storekeeper
Daisy Blunt The town vamp
Lum Boger The Marshall
Walter Thomas A villager (Methodist)
Lige Moseley A villager (Methodist)
Joe Lindsay A villager (Baptist)
Della Lewis A villager (Baptist)
Tod Hambo A villager (Baptist)
Lucy Taylor A villager (Methodist)
Rev. Singletary (Baptist)
Rev. Simms (Methodist)
Villagers, children, dogs.
ACT I
SETTING: A Negro village in Florida in our own time. All action from
viewpoint of an actor facing audience.
PLACE: Joe Clarke's store porch in the village. A frame building with
a false front. A low porch with two steps up. Door in center of porch.
A window on each side of the door. A bench on each side of the porch.
Axhandles, hoes and shovels, etc. are displayed leaning against the
wall. Exits right and left. Street is unpaved. Grass and weeds growing
all over.
TIME: It is late afternoon on a Saturday in summer.
Before the curtain rises the voices of children are heard, boisterous
at play. Shouts and laughter.
VOICE OF ONE BOY
Naw, I don't want to play wringing no dish rag! We gointer play chick
mah chick mah craney crow.
GIRL'S VOICE
Yeah, less play dat, and I'm gointer to be de hen.
BOY'S VOICE
And I'm gointer be de hawk. Lemme git myself a stick to mark wid. (The
curtain rises slowly. As it goes up the game is being organized. The
boy who is the hawk is squatting center stage in the street before the
store with a short twig in his hand. The largest girl is lining up the
other children behind her.)
THE MOTHER HEN
(looking back over her flock) Y'all ketch holt of one 'nother's
clothes so de hauk can't git yuh. (They do.) Y'all straight now?
CHORUS
Yeah. (The march around the hawk commences.)
HEN AND CHICKS
Chick mah chick mah craney crow
Went to de well to wash my toe
When I come back my chick was gone.
What time ole witch?
HAWK
(making a tally on the ground) One!
HEN AND CHICKS
Chick mah chick etc.--(While this is going on Walter Thomas from the
store door eating peanuts from a bag appears and seats himself on the
porch beside the steps.)
HAWK
(Scoring again) Two!
(Enter a little girl right. She trots up to
the big girl.)
LITTLE GIRL
(officiously) Titter, mama say if you don't come on wid dat soap she
gointer wear you out.
HEN AND CHICKS
Chick mah chick etc. (While this is being sung, enter Joe Lindsay and
seats himself on right bench. He lights his pipe. The little girl
stands b by the fence rubbing her leg with her foot.
HAWK
(scoring) Three!
LITTLE GIRL
(insistent) Titter, titter! Mama say to tell you to come on home wid
dat soap and rake up dat yard. I bet she gointer beat you good.
BIG GIRL
(angrily) Aw naw, mama ain't sent you after me, nothin' of de kind!
Gwan home and leave me alone.
LITTLE GIRL
You better come on! I'm gointer tell mama how 'omanish you actin
cause you in front of dese boys.
BIG GIRL
(makes a threatenin' gesture) Aw don't be so fast and showin' off in
company. Ack lak you ain't got no sense!
LITTLE GIRL
(starts to cry) Dat's all right. I'm going home and tell mama you down
here playing wid boys and she sho gointer whup you good, too. I'm
gointer tell her you called me a fool too, now. (She walks off, wiping
her eyes and nose with the back of her hand) Yeah, I'm goin' tell her!
Jus' showin' off in front of ole John Wesley Taylor. I'm going to tell
her too, now.
BIG GIRL
(flounces her skirt) Tell her! Tell her! Turn her up and smell her!
(Game resumed) Chick mah chick etc.
HAWK
Four! (He arises and imitates a hawk flying and trying to catch a
chicken. Calling in a high voice.) Chickie!!
HEN
(Flapping her wings to protect her young) My chickens' sleep.
HAWK
Chickie!!
HEN
My chickens' sleep.
HAWK
I shall have a chick.
HEN
You shan't have a chick.
HAWK
I'm going home. (flies off)
HEN
There's de road.
HAWK
I'm comin' back.
(During this dialog the hawk is feinting and darting in his efforts to
catch a chicken and the chickens are dancing defensively.)
HEN
Don't keer if you do.
HAWK
My pot's a boiling.
HEN
Let it boil.
HAWK
My guts a growling
HEN
Let 'em growl.
HAWK
I must have a chick.
HEN
You shan't have nairn.
HAWK
My mama's sick.
HEN
Let her die.
HAWK
Chickie!!
HEN
My chicken's sleep.
(Hawk darts quickly around the hen and grabs a chicken and leads him
off and places the captive on his knees at the store porch. After a
brief bit of dancing he catches another, then a third who is a chubby
little boy. The little boy begins to cry.)
LITTLE BOY
I ain't gointer play cause you hurt me.
HAWK
Aw, naw, I din't hurt you.
LITTLE BOY
Yeah you did too. You pecked me right here. (points to top of his
head)
HAWK
Well if you so touchous you got to cry every time anybody look at you,
you can't play wid us.
LITTLE BOY
(smothering sobs) I ain't cryin'. (He is placed with the other
captives. Hawk returns to game.)
HAWK
Chickie.
HEN
My chickens sleep!
VOICE FROM A DISTANCE
Titter! You Titter!!!
BIG GIRL
Yessum
VOICE
If you don't come here wid dat soap you better!
BIG GIRL
(shakes herself poutingly, half sobs) Soon's I git grown I'm gointer
run away. Everytime a person gits to havin' fun, it's "come here,
Titter and rake de yard." She don't never make Bubber do nothin. (She
exits into the store.)
HAWK
Now we ain't got no hen.
ALL THE GIRLS
(in a clamor) I'll be de mama hen! Lemme be it! (Enter Hambo left and
stands looking at the children.)
HAMBO
Can't dese young uns keep up a powerful racket, Joe?
LINDSAY
They sho kin. They kin git round so vi'grous when they whoopin and
hollerin and rompin and racin, but just put 'em to work now and you
kin count dead lice fallin' off of 'em.
(Enter Tillie from the store with the soap. Hambo pulls out a plug of
tobacco from his hip pocket and bites a chunk from it.)
HAMBO
De way dese chillun is dese days is,--eat? Yes! Squall and holler?
Yes! Kick out shoes? Yes! Work? No!!
LINDSAY
You sho is tellin' de truth. Now look at dese! I'll bet everyone of
'em's mammies sent 'em to de store an' they out here frollickin'. If
one of 'em was mine, I'd whup 'em till they couldn't set down. (to the
children) Shet up dat racket and gwan home! (The children pay no
attention and the game gets hotter.)
DISTANT VOICE
(off stage) You Tit-ter!! You Tit-Ter!!
WALTER
Titter, don't you hear yo' ma callin' you?
ESSIE
Yessuh, I mean naw suh.
LINDSAY
How come you can't answer, then? Lawd knows de folks just ruins
chilluns dese days. Deys skeered tuh whup 'em right. Den before they
gits twenty de gals done come up wid somethin' in dey arms an' de boys
on de chain gang. If you don't whup 'em, they'll whip you.
HAMBO
Dat sho is whut de Lawd loves. When I wuz a boy they _raised_ chillen
then. Now they lets 'em do as they please. There ain't no real
chestizing no more. They takes a lil tee-ninchy switch and tickles em.
No wonder de world is in sich uh mess.
VOICE OFF STAGE
You Tit-ter!! Aw Titter!!
ESSIE
(stops to listen) Yessum!!
VOICE OFF STAGE
If you don't come here, you better!
ESSIE
Yessum! (to her playmates) Aw shucks! I got to go home. (She exits
right, walking sullenly. The game has stopped.)
LINDSAY
(pointing at Essie) You see dat gal shakin' herself at her mammy? De
sassy lil binch needs her guts stomped out. (to Essie) Run! I'm comin'
on down there an' tell yo' ma how 'omanish you is, shakin' yo'self at
grown folks. (Essie walks slower and shakes her skirt contemptously.
Lindsay jumps to his feet as if to pursue her.) You must smell
yo'self! (Essie exits.) Now de rest of you haitians scatter way from
in front dis store. Dis ain't no place for chillen, nohow. (gesture of
shooing) Gwan! Thin out! Every time a grownperson open they mouf y'all
right dere to gaze down they throat. Git! (The children exit sullenly
right. In the silence that follows the cracking of Walter's peanut
shells can be heard very plainly.)
HAMBO
Walter, God a' mighty! You better quit eatin' em ground peas de way
you do. You gointer die wid de colic.
LINDSAY
Aw, taint gointer hurt him. I don't b'lieve uh cord uh wood would lay
heavy on Walter's belly. He kin eat mo' penders than Brazzle's mule.
WALTER
(laughing) Aw naw, don't throw me in wid dat mule. He could eat up
camp-meetin, back off scociation and drink Jurdan dry.
LINDSAY
And still stay so po' till he wuzn't nothin atall but a mule frame.
(Enter Lige Moseley right) Taint never been no mule in de world lak
dat ole yaller mule since Jonah went to joppy.
(Lige seats himself on the floor on the other side of the steps. Pulls
out a bone toothpick and begins to pick his teeth)
LIGE
Y'all still talkin bout Brazzle's ole useter-be mule?
HAMBO
Yeah. Memeber dat time Brazzle hitched him to de plow and took him to
Eshleman's new ground?
LIGE
And he laid down before he'd plow a lick. Sho I do! But who ever seen
him work? All you ever did see was him and Brazzle fightin up and down
de furrows. (all laugh) He was so mean he would even try to kick you
if you went in his stall to carry him some corn.
WALTER
Nothin but pure concentrated meanness stuffed into uh mule hide. Thass
de reason he wouldn't git fat--just too mean.
LIGE
Sho was skinny now. You could use his ribs for a washboard and hang de
clothes up on his hips to dry. (all laugh)
HAMBO
Lige, you kin lie [Note: "like" crossed out] lak cross ties [Note
inserted text: from Jacksonville to Key West.]. But layin all sides to
jokes, when they told me dat mule was dead, uh just took and knocked
off from work to see him drug out lak all de rest of de folks, and
folkses dat mule wuz too contrary to lay down on his side and die. He
laid on his raw-boney back wid his foots stickin straight up in de air
lak he wuz fightin something.
LINDSAY
He wuz--bet he fought ole death lak a natural man. Ah seen his bones
yistiddy, out dere on de edge of de cypress swamp. De buzzards done
picked em clean and de elements done bleached em.
LIGE
Everybody went to dat draggin out. Even Joe Clarke shet up his store
dat mornin and went (turns his head and calls into the store) didn't
you, Mr. Clarke?
CLARKE'S VOICE
Didn't I whut? (enters and stands in door)
LIGE
Shet up yo' store and go to de draggin out of Brazzle's ole mule.
CLARKE
I, God, Yeah. It was worth it. (sees Hambo) I
didn't know you was out
here. Lemme beat you uh game of checkers.
HAMBO
Lissen at de ole tush hawg! Well, go git de board, and lemme beat you
a pair of games befo' de mail gits in.
CLARKE
(to the others) Beat old me! (to Hambo) Come on here, youse my fish.
(calls into store) Mattie bring me dat checker-board and de checkers!
(to men on porch) You got to talk to wimmen-folks lak dat--tell 'em
every lil' thing-do she'd come rackin out here wid de board by itself.
(Enter Mrs. Clarke with homemade checker-board and coffee can
containing the much-used checkers. Clarke sits on a keg and faces
Hambo. They put the board on their knees and pour out the checkers)
HAMBO
You want black or red?
CLARKE
Oh, I don't keer which--I'm gointer beat you anyhow. You take de
black. (they arrange them. The others get near to look on. Hambo sits
looking at the board without moving.)
HAMBO
Who's first move?
CLARKE
Black folks always go to work first. Move! (Hambo moves and the same
proceeds with the spectators very interested. Enter Lum Boger [Note:
Handwritten correction: Bailey] right and joins the spectators. A
woman enters left with a market basket and goes on in the store. The
checkers click on the board. A girl about twelve enters right and goes
into the store and comes out with a stick of peppermint candy.
WALTER
Naw you don't Hambo!--Don't you go in dere! Dats a trap--(pointing)
come right here and you got him.
LIGE
Back dat man up (pointing) Hambo do he'll git et up.
(there is the noise of the checkers for a half minute then a general
shout of triumph)
SPECTATORS
You got him now, Hambo! Clarke, he's sho got you.
CLARKE
(Chagrined) Aw, he aint done nothin! Jes' watch ME.
HAMBO
(Jeering) Yeah, gwan move! Ha! Ha! go head and move.
SPECTATORS
Aw, he got you, Bro. Mayor--might as well give up. He got you in de
Louisville loop.
CLARKE
Give up what? He can't beat me? (peeved) de rest of y'all git from
over me, whoopin and hollerin! I God, a man can't hear his ears.
(The men fall back revealing the players clearly)
HAMBO
Aw, neb mind bout them, Joe, go head and move. You aint got but one
move to make nohow--go head on and take it.
CLARKE
(moving a checker) Aw, here.
HAMBO
(triumphant) Now! watch me boys whut Ahm gonna do to him. Ahm gonna
laff in notes, while Ah work on him. (he lifts a checker high in the
air preparatory to the jump, laughing to the scale and counting each
checker he jumps out loud) Do, sol, fa, me, la! One! (jumps a checker)
la, sol, fa, me, do! Two! (jumps another) Do, re, fa, me, do, Three!
Me, re, la, so, fa! Four! (the crowd is roaring with laughter) Sol,
fa, me, la, sol, do! Five! Ha! Ha! boys I got [Note: "the" x-ed out]
de ole tush hawg! I got him in de go-long. (He slaps his leg and
accidently knocks the board off his knee and spills the checkers.)
CLARKE
Too bad you done dat, Hambo, cause Ah was gointer beat you at dat (he
rises and starts towards the door of the store as the crowd roars in
laughter)
HAMBO
You mean you was gointer beat me to de door, not a game Of checkers.
Ah done run de ole coon in his hole.
LIGE
Well, Hambo, you done got to be so hard at checkers, come on less see
whut you can do wid de cards. (He pulls out a soiled deck from his
coat pocket and moves toward the bench at the left of the porch) You
take Lum and me and Walter will wear you out.
HAMBO
You know I don't play no cards.
LUM
We aint playin for no money, just a lil Florida flip.
HAMBO
Y'all can't play no Florida flip. 'Fore Ah joined de church there
wasn't a man in de state could beat me wid de cards. But Ahm a deacon
now, in Macedonia Baptist--Ah don't bother wid de cards no mo". (He
and Joe Lindsay go inside store)
LIGE
Well, come on Lum. Walter, git yo'self a partner.
WALTER
(Looking about) Taint nobody to git (looks off right) Here come Dave