The Doctor and his Bow Tie
Mr O’Connor went to visit Dr Sharma, his family doctor.
Dr Sharma always wore a bow tie.
During a little small talk,
Mr O’Connor complimented Dr Sharma’s bow tie.
Dr Sharma then got down to business.
“So where does it hurt, Mr O’Connor?”
“Bow ties. I know they look all right, but they feel uncomfortable.”
Mr O’Connor had apparently not moved on from the bow tie conversation.
Dr Sharma concluded he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Mr O’Connor, and advised Mr O’Connor to return if the discomfort persisted.
Mr O’Connor concluded he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Dr Sharma, and decided to go straight to the eye hospital.
Eight of the Clock
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Writer’s Block
On the train back home, looking for inspiration
Thinking, thinking, what shall I write about today?
I decide to fall into a deep contemplation
As today I feel I have nothing to say
A Tale of a Couple of Couples
They’ve had twenty years of married life,
And believe it or not, they’re still smitten, like in their youthful days.
“Petal, I wish to take you out tonight,” he proposes.
“Why that’s lovely my darling, you’re so romantic,” she says.
“I thought it would be nice, just the two of us,” he continues.
She is delighted, “It’s lovely how you still surprise me after so many years.”
She looks ravishing.
He glances at her lustfully,
Delivers a passionate kiss,
And a gentle whisper,
“Petal, I think you’re forgetting your purse.”
They’ve had twenty years of married life,
And believe it or not, they too are still smitten, like in their youthful days.
“Darling, I wish to take you out tonight,” she proposes.
“Why that’s lovely my petal, you’re such an angel,” he says.
“I thought it would be nice, just the two of us,” she continues.
He is pleased, “It would be, and I’m looking forward to it.”
He looks handsome.
She glances at him lustfully,
Delivers a passionate kiss,
And a gentle whisper,
“Darling, I think you’re forgetting your wallet.”
And both the couples enjoy their romantic candle-lit dinners.
And much pleasure thereafter.
An Unpredictable Stag Weekend
Eddy and his friends flew over to London
They spent a lot of time organising a stag weekend for Joe
It was meticulously planned and all very exciting
Except, rather bizarrely, the stag didn’t show
No More Bitches(3)
All them tears I cry, leanin’ on my bedroom wall
All them sleepless nights, waitin’ for her phone call
All the pain an’ the heartache, just to keep her smilin’
I stare at my phone, an’ I keep on diallin’
All them apologies, for shit I didn’t even do
All them lies, when she made me say, “I love you, too”
All the time I spent with her when I’d rather have been with my mates
She keeps me away from ’em, ’coz most of ’em she hates
All the time an’ money that I wasted on her
Shoppin’ for handbags an’ shoes, an’ jackets with fur
Who needs a girlfriend if she turns out to be a whore?
Forget all that shit, jus’ show her the door
Can’t take this shit no more, she’s makin’ me go crazy
I’m doin’ everythin’ for her, an’ she’s jus’ gettin’ lazy
Runnin’ through my mind all day, she makes me feel like crap
I guess it is my own fault, an’ for that I deserve a slap
When a girl enters ya life, ya priorities change
Pretty hard to imagine, it is kinda strange
Spend less time with ya friends, an’ more with ya girl
Less time enjoyin’ yaself, an’ more completin’ her world
But I’m gonna stand up strong, gonna rectify my mistake
She says I’m everythin’ to her but I know she’s a fake
All this emotion, I don’t need it right now
I’m gonna tell her straight, in a bloody big row
I’ve made a pact with myself; no more bitches
All they ever do is get you deep in ditches
Give you problems, get you stuck in a hole
Don’t listen to ya, never once do as they’re told
Life becomes shit, an’ then you die
Don’t even get time to regret an’ cry
But why go down that road when it’s never too late
“Fuck you, you bitch!” Just tell her straight
Then it’s all well an’ good, no more shit to take
No more questions to answer, nothin’ now at stake
Forget the sleepless nights, an’ all them tears that were shed
Start livin’ ya life ’coz all the past is dead
No more bitches gonna enter my days
Suddenly everything’s clear, life’s no longer a maze
All that it takes is an acknowledgement on my part
That life can still be beautiful without a girl in my heart
People-watching
Backpacks and briefcases, handbags and holdalls
People in suits to people in overalls
Some on business, others there for pleasure
Some on a schedule, others there at leisure
People speeding, in every direction
The array of travellers creates a fascination
Different backgrounds from across the world
Exchanging through Grand Central Terminal
Two Apples Hanging from a Tree
Green one: So what’s life like being red?
Red one: Oh, nothing extraordinary.
Red one (continues): What about being green?
Green one: Ah, nothing exciting really.
Red one: I guess it makes no odds whether we’re red or green.
Green one: Whether we’re munched, squashed, cooked or chopped.
Green one (continues): We still end up gobbled up.
Red one: I just hope we’re not left to rot.
Then, there was silence.
Letter from the Immigrant
Dear Mother
They look at my appearance, hear my accent
And give me a label.
They judge me, and I pity them
For being so judgemental.
They assume that we are all the same
Without thinking it through.
I make a vow; I promise myself
I will never do what they do.
Love,
Your Son
Seven of the Clock
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Lover or Stalker?
He looks out of his window
Looking through the rain
Looking across the hills
Wondering what she’s doing
She looks towards his window
Looking across the hills
Looking through the rain
Wondering what he’s doing
Police Interview 2
Why have I been arrested this time?
What on earth is my crime?
“Take a seat”
The receptionist would repeat
So I took one, and sold it for a dime
Sports News
Forty-year-old Sanjay announced his retirement from football
When he was younger, he showed all the right signs
But Sanjay didn’t actually make it as a professional
So, to his disappointment, the news didn’t really make any headlines
Dead-end Job
Why do a dead-end job?
Because you earn your salary,
And through that job, you might also find a friend, a fling, a flat mate, or something called ambition.
That’s what happened to someone I know.
Now, he’s doing all right.
Man in the Street
Vladimir, just your regular guy, was going down the street in his wheelchair.
A shady-looking character in a cap stopped him.
“Excuse me,” the man said, “I would like to buy some weed.”
Vladimir didn’t quite know how to respond.
He looked around to see if anyone was in sight. After a little thought, he asked,
“Sir, have you tried Waitrose?”
Six of the Clock
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A broken down car
Ruins rainy evening plans –
There’s no warmth like home
Perched pigeons watching
Tsunami waters retreat –
The flattened city
Brave ladies shopping
In the stormy gusty winds –
Marilyn Monroes
Sun shines through clear skies –
The barbeque aroma
Brings the biggest smile
Jumping past puddles
In work clothes through ice cold rain –
Breathless and happy
Falling golden leaves –
Husband and wife hand in hand
The autumn wedding
Chaos and panic
The lava flow devastates –
Graceful destruction
Glove-wrapped ice-cold hands
Frozen like the falling snow –
Soothing hot cuppa
Dark clouds overhead –
Black coats at the muddy grave
Death of an angel
Basking in the sun
What more could anyone want?
The content tortoise
Five of the Clock
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My Shoes
I wonder if you know
How it feels to be in my shoes
Get yourself a pair of men’s Paul Smith(4) size 7s
And that’s how it feels to be in my shoes
I suppose that’s not fully accurate
Of how it really feels to be in my shoes
For a true reflection, an authentic experience
You would have to steal a pair of my shoes
Thank you
Even though now she’s gone, she still seems to live on.
Physically she has left us, but I can still feel her presence.
She is no longer here when I wake up, and I don’t say goodnight to her every night, but she still holds an influence.
She doesn’t sit with us for breakfast, and she is not here for supper.
She is not here to tell us what to do, and what not to do, but even then, somehow she still manages to do so.
She cannot talk to us anymore, but she still influences our decisions.
She cannot hear us anymore, but we’re still careful about what we say.
She has not been seen for many years now (except only in dreams), but she’s still remembered everyday.
She made things look so easy when times were too hard, out of love for her children.
She pretended the pain didn’t hurt so it wouldn’t hurt her family, out of love for her children.
She made it out as though things would get better when she knew they were only going to get worse, out of love for her children.
She got me ready and prepared for a future without her, without me even realising at the time.
I guess I think life would be easier if she was here right now, but the Lord decided to take back what is His.
I would just like to thank my mother for being my mother.
Thank you.
Reservoir Rules
He doesn’t believe in tipping,
So waitresses are not fond of Mr Pink.
He pays close to the dollar,
And he doesn’t care what society thinks.
Engagement Wishes
Obstacles and barriers, a part of life
Some you avoid, some you overcome
Patience has brought us this happy occasion
An occasion to be shared and not to be forgotten
This is the day for which many have been praying
And at least one soul’s prayer has certainly been accepted
Thus we are here today, celebrating such good news
The engagement of our two friends, soon to be husband and wife
May this day be the start of a blissful union
And may your happiness know no bounds
May each of you bring a smile to the other’s face
No matter which obstacles and barriers lie ahead in wait
The Prince and his White Horse
Beautiful but suppressed, she is a damsel in distress
Locked up in her castle, on the verge of being depressed
So sweet is her smile, but it has been subdued for a while
The love she has to offer stretches longer than the Nile
“O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?”
But the sound of a gloomy silence, she quickly got to know
Standing by her window each night, room lit by paraffin lanterns
Overlooking the unseen world, the stomach turns, the heart yearns
But then one clear Wednesday morning, on the break of dawn
A figure seen in the distance must surely be the one
As she stared at the silhouette between the land and the orange sky
The thought of Prince Charming’s arrival brought a tear to her eye
The Prince arrived with a thousand roses; it was clear he was no failure
And the damsel cries, “You have arrived, you have arrived, my sweet saviour!”
Her face lit up like the full moon, her beauty covered in tears of joy
The dimple on her right cheek became visible, oh so sweet and so coy
Her hero had finally arrived, her Prince in shining armour
He would show her a world of happiness, a life full of splendour
So intelligent and handsome, but nothing less than what she deserved
And for him was a wonderful lady, with beauty well preserved
“My darling Princess!” shouted the Prince, “Please let down your hair!”
“But my hair is too short! Oh, what will we do? This is so unfair!”
The hairdresser had been, and her hair was not the length it used to be
But the Prince was a genius, and her lengthy hair would not be necessary
The Prince jumped back onto his horse and parked his perky bum
“Oh my saviour, where are you going? I wish to come!”
“And you shall, my dear Princess! But I have to get into the castle first!”
As he faced the fiery dragon, he began to fear the worst
But this Prince was so strong and so powerful; he was invincible
And he cleverly evaded the dragon; his qualities were undeniable
And his white horse and he went up the spinning spiral staircase
To hold his loving Princess for the first time, and meet her face to face
It took the Prince a year and a day to make his way to the top
But not once did he think, ‘Shall I just give up and stop?’
He couldn’t bear the thought of leaving without her
His angel, the light of his life, leaving the Princess to suffer
And so they came face to face, the great Prince and the beautiful Princess
And from that moment onwards, the two have never been in d
istress
She went to the fruit bowl and they shared a tangerine together
And the taste of the tangerine told them they would be together forever
They hopped onto the horse, and came home to the great city of London
And now they live a dream, a life of joy and happiness and blissful fun
Their love is great today, and will be even greater tomorrow
It increases each and every moment, and continues to grow
Forevermore, forevermore
Equality
I can demand equality,
And I can demand respect.
But do the two conflict?
Maybe both I cannot expect.
Four of the Clock
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Strange Serenity
Lightning. Thunder. It was a treacherous stormy night. The relentless rain lashed in all directions. Downwards. Upwards. Sideways.
Leaves, litter, dust swept with the wind. Bellowing gusts thrashed through the farms, the streets, the alleyways.
Little Molly was powerless, pressed against her lawn. Mr Hockle had a lethal grip on her nine-year-old throat, fuelled by fury, raging with anger.
Enough was enough. He became a wild, fuming madman. His eyes sunk deep into their dark sockets, becoming pits of fire.
Molly’s gaze fixed at Mr Hockle’s ferocious eyes, his sweaty, ridged forehead, his dangling black hair, dripping with sweat and rain.
Her scream was choked by the smothering strangle of Mr Hockle’s coarse hands. He had become crazy, uncontrollable, insane.
Molly could feel his quick, huffing breath in her face. He was muttering things, rumbling, growling, like a menacing Rottweiler.
Every few seconds, a raindrop would build up on the tip of his nose, and drop, dead. Absorbed, flat into her sweater.
Molly started drifting, fainting. Powerless. Her eyes rolled upwards, at the dark clouds in the night sky. The odd star would sparkle, and then disappear.
The panic of being strangled was numbing away. ‘The moon is nowhere to be seen,’ Molly thought to herself, as a wave of silence and serenity came over her.
The rain seeped through to her back, off the wet, soggy lawn. There she lay, limp, at the mercy of Mr Hockle. Strangely, Molly was at peace. Calm.
‘I will see heaven now,’ she continued to think. ‘I will see some angels, and Nanny Pam, and all the animals from the farm.’