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    Poetry Collection Three: Interpersonal Transgressions

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    I thought I could seduce you in my bed

      I thought we would be creating a life together

      I thought I’d be with you until my death

      I had plans to marry him

      I had plans to make love to him

      I had everything I am in him

      One Night

      June.07.2002

      you were my one night stand

      making love hand in hand

      just that one night of passion

      you were my dream come true

      talking with me until day break

      and just listening to me speak

      you were my lover by night

      with no fights in the day light

      and no lives of children to hurt

      you were my temptation

      in everything I needed to do

      and I think I might love you

      you were my true friend

      my only and very first man

      just my lover in everything

      you were my one night stand

      making love hand in hand

      just that one night of passion

      you were my temptation

      in everything I need to do

      and I know that I love you

      Not Yet

      June.10.2002

      I haven’t seen, this guy that I need to see

      I haven’t heard, this man’s voice inside of me

      I haven’t felt, this man’s touch on my skin

      I haven’t been able, to let myself be with him

      No we haven’t even met

      No I haven’t found you yet

      But soon my life will change

      If I ever fall in love again

      I haven’t seen, this guy that I need to see

      I haven’t heard, this man’s voice inside of me

      I haven’t felt, this man’s touch on my skin

      I haven’t been able, to let myself be with him

      His Is Mine

      June.14.2002

      I can’t believe what I held in my hands

      I now know that his body is mine

      I know that he wants to have me

      But what is this that is keeping him back

      He must be afraid I will reject him

      That I would forget, laugh at, or desert him

      He must be just totally crazy

      Or has forgotten who I really am

      I have said that I loved him forever

      And I never lie but we both need to live

      He must be afraid I’ll reject him

      I have said that I’ll love him forever

      And I never lie but we both need to live

      But He Held Me

      June.14.2002

      I can’t believe he held me

      Like he never wanted to let go

      I can’t believe he held my hand

      And ran his finger up my arm

      I can’t believe what we spoke about

      I can’t believe I was totally honest and open

      And I can’t believe with nothing more than my words

      I turned him on to the idea, of possibly being with me again

      I can’t believe that he didn’t even call me

      After we spoke so freely, he is still with her

      I can’t believe that I think I love such a man

      That cannot seem to even love me back

      I can’t believe that I could fall for such tricks

      When there is nothing of me that he really even wants

      I can’t believe he held me

      Like he never wanted to let go

      And I can’t believe that I keep falling

      Back in love with this unworthy man

      All Set

      June.15.2002

      my hair is all done up, i am so dressed to kill

      but i’m wasting my time, waiting at my window sill

      he had said to me, that he’d be here

      that he was my man, and i was his woman

      but i still always wait, ready to be his

      waiting in vain, going totally insane

      when he’ll never change, he’ll always be the same

      i got all ready, but with nothing to show

      i keep wasting my time, waiting to finally say no

      No Just Kiss And Run

      July.10.2002

      The other night I actually kissed this one guy

      A kiss means more to me, but I couldn’t stop myself

      I still can’t believe I could break my own stupid code

      I told myself I never wanted another guy to even touch me

      But he held me so close and caressed my back

      Such soft hands and arms so very close to mine

      Such beautifully sexy perfectly soft lips

      So perfect was this kiss

      I admit I know I needed this all to be

      And I know that nothing of this was wrong

      Except I need more than just a kiss and run

      How in the hell dare he do this to me

      How could he think he was even allowed

      How could he give me a fake number

      Was it just a blank because he was so drunk

      Or did I even really mean anything at all

      I want to scream and hit him so badly

      And I will find him and do so perhaps one day

      I won’t ever forget how this all played out

      I just wish I wasn’t so needy and wanting him so

      Why do I think I am just a little to dramatic

      I should have been the player not the one being played

      But he probably just thought it was a kiss

      Be he should have known me better than that

      I’ll never forget the unexplainable sound he made

      As he let go of me after our embrace

      I asked him if I was a good or bad kisser

      All that he could manage to say was eh

      I hope he was lying through his teeth

      And I hope the fake number was a mistake

      He gave me a number

      A fake and I should have known

      But he touched me that way

      He kissed me then left

      But it means more to me

      As he forgets I exist

      I want to hurt him so badly

      And I will find him to do more than kiss

      To Need

      July.26.2002

      To feel his warm hands on my body

      To feel him pressed against me

      To need him so near I can hold onto

      I’d love to make him mine

      I can imagine him by my side

      You are all I can see

      You are in all that I need

      You are everything to me

      I can imagine how I would move

      How you would sound under my groove

      I can assume how things would go

      And how our love would grow

      To feel his warm hands, gliding, sliding, caressing the smooth skin on my body

      To feel him hard and hot to the touch pressed against me, entering, being deep inside

      To need him, want him, more than anything I’ve ever needed or wanted before

      In our need, I’d love to make him mine, I’d love for him to make me his

      A Chance

      July.29.2002

      Just take another chance with me, I know you won’t regret it

      Just think of me one more time, you know I’d never hurt you

      Just try to remember my soul, and see how much I’ve changed

      Just try and look at me now, I’ve always been the same

      So let’s go out tonight, out on a real live date

      I’ve never been on a real date, with you

      I am free this evening, so let’s go out right now

      Call me soon baby, because we are meant to be

      I can say all I want, to try to not fall in love with you

      And how I have been hurt, and how I just don’t trust

      But I know you don’t need to care, all you need is me

      Bu
    t I just need to say, I want to hear you swear my name

      Just take another chance with me, I know you won’t regret it

      Just think of me one more time, you know I’d never hurt you

      Just try to remember my soul, and see how much I’ve changed

      Just try and look at me now, I’ve always been the same

      Dear Past Love

      August.03.2002

      I hear about you here and there,

      from the usual sources,

      from people everywhere,

      from our poor mutual friends,

      from people that you want more than me

      I haven’t forgotten about you

      and you know I never ever will

      and I’d never put you down

      or desert you or harm you

      I’d never do anything wrong by you

      because you know that I love you

      I do miss you love

      I just need to say

      That I need you

      And want you to stay

      As my best friend

      As my lover in bed

      As everything to me

      I dearly do miss you

      And I still want you back

      I’d still take you back

      Without any doubts

      I really do miss you

      And I’d never turn you down

      I am still too in love with you

      I do really truly love you

      I love you with all my heart

      Without any doubts

      And I’d do anything

      To have you in my life again

      As anything if you loved me

      I hate being ignored

      I can’t stand you not missing me

      How can you live without me?

      While you once said you never could

      When you once said you’d never leave

      When you once told me you loved me

      Forever and always

      I will always love you my love

      More And More

      August.10.2002

      no matter what I do,

      or whoever I see.

      I just keep thinking,

      and talking about him.

      no matter how much time,

      or experience, or life passes.

      I just keep wanting him,

      more and more….. and more.

      this is driving me crazy,

      how everything for me is him.

      I really can’t seem to get over,

      or move on from him.

      but I guess I’ll keep on trying,

      with some might I guess.

      we’ll see how things go,

      I have doubts that my heart will heal.

      One

      August.22.2002

      Everything went from wrong to right

      The second I laid eyes upon you

      You are the only one for me

      I just know that we were meant to be

      I just wish you felt the same way…

      Everything went from wrong to right

      With every little thing in my life

      Being with you I found my way

      Through all the hell that is my life

      I sometimes wish I was your wife…

      Everything went from wrong to right

      The very second I laid eyes upon you

      I think you are the only one

      I think that we were meant to be

      I just wish you felt the same way about me…

      X Thing

      August.25.2002

      I am that ex-girlfriend…

      who was dumped by him.

      that ex-woman, that ex-lover, that ex-woman,

      … who never fell out of love with him.

      and yes I know he might hate me now,

      he might despise my efforts in not just disappearing,

      be annoyed by my presence and existence at all.

      but it’s not all my fault,

      he told me he loved me, that he really truly loved me,

      and I honestly believed every word that he said.

      so I’m sorry, to her, and to him, but I’m still in love,

      even against the odds, the stupidity of it all,

      … and yes I know he doesn’t feel the same, any more.

      I wonder why we can’t just be friends,

      I wonder, why he can’t still love me, at all, in any way,

      and I wonder, why he has to be with her,

      what’s so damn great about her…

      I’ll say I am sorry to that bitch

      but all I ever wanted was to be with him.

      I never ever wanted to hurt any one,

      but she must know she is a bitch

      I am that ex-girlfriend…

      another notch on his belt, another game that was played,

      another woman that has to mend after a broken heart.

      but it’s not all my fault,

      he told me that he loved me, we made plans together.

      I am that ex girlfriend…

      who was dumped by him,

      but whether I love him or not,

      he is still with her right now,

      and I am just his ex-girlfriend…

      Just My Friend

      August.27.2002

      He is just a friend to me

      I don’t see him in that way

      But he wants me in that way

      Sometimes I don’t know what to say

      Because friends is all I see in him

      But he always jokes like we are more

      I just need him as a friend

      But I know he needs more from me

      But that is all I need to be right now

      I am everyone else’s friend

      To talk and to hang around with

      I am always nothing more

      I’ll hide before I open up

      I’ll try to be alone before I say more

      But my problems aren’t right now

      They are all hiding in the past

      And I’ll not speak of them

      Even to my friends

      Because I know no one wants to listen

      They just want to talk about themselves

      I am not what is in the light

      What is in the light is him

      And I don’t want to settle for less

      He is great but not in that way for me

      Because he is just my friend

      Stupid List

      September.08.2002

      it makes me sick to my stomach, to be on that list

      on his big fat dirty list, of used and rejected lovers

      to know i wasted, any moment of my time

      to know i just wasted, parts of my life waiting

      i never wanted, to be his ex-girlfriend

      i never thought, he’d just up and leave me

      i never wanted, anything but his love

      i never wanted, to have these parts in my story

      i hate to know, that i was used by him

      in so many ways, i was just thrown away

      and i hate myself, that i just can’t forget

      it just makes me sick, to be on that list

      No Cares

      September.12.2002

      i am in love….. and you don’t care

      so i don’t know what to do

      … when you come calling

      and i can’t turn you down

      i guess i just have to be hurt

      all over and over again

      i guess i’ll just never learn

      because i am in love with you

      and you don’t really care

      because you don’t love me back

      so i still don’t know what to do

      You'll Come Back To Me

      September.20.2002

      You'll come - falling back to me

      Just like I knew - you should

      You'll come - falling back to me

      Just like I knew - you would

      You're the star - I’ve always seen

      You were - my every thing

    &n
    bsp; You're the place - I loved to be

      You are everything - to me

      You'll find out the truth - some day

      Just like I've been - waiting for

      You'll find yourself - some day

      Just like I've been - hoping for

      You're the one - who likes to run

      Into places I don't want - to go

      You're the one - who doesn't love me

      In the kind of way - I had hoped for

      But you'll still some day - find out

      The things - you already knew

      But you'll find things out - again

      That you'd come - running back to me

      He’s Single Again

      September.22.2002

      He’s single again, broken apart

      Without that bitch, I want him even more

      He left her, I think it was today

      He didn’t tell me, I just found out through friends

      So should I do something, or just sit back and wait…

      I didn’t expect this, but it happened inevitably

      So I pleasured him one night, and he didn’t call

      I’ll just pretend that didn’t happen, I’ll just pretend I don’t care

      I’ll be like him, and just keep things cool

      I’ll be like him, and be an asshole

      I am still single, and in a place of my own

      Now he is single too, but for how much longer

      He is very weak, as you can tell

      A stupid little boy, who will fall for any woman he thinks is pretty, or giving

      What pisses me off, is he’d even use me

      I guess I am the player, because I used him too

      No Beliefs Anymore

      September.26.2002

      To only find that real true love

      I fear I believe in no more

      To be with someone forever

      I think I am just too scared

     

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