Crap from the Magi

      Brent D. Seth
     Crap from the Magi

Caroline's mother-in-law was notorious for passing along old junk for the Holidays. This year, she out did even herself, proving that a poorly chosen gift has consequences.When I first imagined The Company Wars Chronicle, it was to be based around the life of Alexi Davanoff; alongside him are number of other characters of which Rhea is one. Like all fictional characters: and many of us in real life, Alexi needed someone in particular who could bring out the parts of him that he kept hidden; Rhea was to Alexi the woman who took his heart and never gave it back, but there was more to Rhea than just being a lost love.

Read online

  • 1 135

    I Even Funnier

      James Patterson
     I Even Funnier

Middle schooler Jamie Grimm has big dreams of being the best stand-up comic in the world – and he won't let the fact that he's in a wheelchair get in his way. After winning the New York state finals in the Planet's Funniest Kid Comic Contest, Jamie's off to Boston to compete in the national semi-finals. But when one of his best buddies runs into trouble at school and a sudden family health scare rears its head, Jamie has to put his comedic ambitions on hold and stand by the people he cares about. Can Jamie pass up the big competition for the sake of his friends and family?

Read online

  • 1 135

    Louie the Bee: The Insects Prevail.

      Dave Corrick
     Louie the Bee: The Insects Prevail.

Escape in a warm anthropomorphic tale that draws strong emotional responses. A story for the mature reader. It's about an insect community living an idyllic streamside life. Blissful complacency turns to a realisation that all is not well when the community's future is threatened by human activity. Some special powers enable the insects to deal with pending threats. Contains intrigue and mischief!For fans of Robert E. Howard, David Gemmell, and Raymond E. Feist, here is a new story of sword and sorcery. Banished for fifteen years, the wandering knight Mazael Cravenlock returns home at last to the Grim Marches, only to find war and chaos. His brother plans a foolish and doomed rebellion. His sister hopes to wed a brutal and cruel knight. The whispers speak of living corpses that stalk the night, of demons that lurk in darkness, and a sinister snake-cult that waits in the shadows. Yet Mazael's darkest enemy waits elsewhere.Within his own tainted soul...First published in 2005 from Gale/Five Star, now updated and revised in a new electronic edition.PRAISE FOR DEMONSOULED:“…action-packed, fast-moving tale…a solid debut novel…”-Fantasy Book Spot“a gripping account of one man’s battle against both inner and external demons, and I would recommend it to anyone who desires an action-packed story riddled with twists . . . ”-Sffworld.com“Jonathan Moeller has written an epic fantasy in its classic form that all lovers of fantasy will embrace.”-Love Romances“Jonathan Moeller will definitely capture the attention of many with DEMONSOULED, a suspenseful fantasy novel that is not to be missed.”-Romance Reviews Today“Here’s a fantasy adventure with plenty of thrills and chills. After a gap of many years, a hardy warrior and his companions return to their homeland. One of them discovers that his sister has been kidnapped and that his brother is plotting an ill advised rebellion against a less than sterling local ruler. Throw in some malevolent magic including a small army of reanimated corpses, a secretive plot, lots of derring do, a sinister mystery, and a magical assault that threatens to turn our hero into an instrument of evil. Exciting, occasionally surprising, with readable prose and a diverse set of characters. What more could you ask?”-Don D’ammassa

Read online

  • 1 134

    Suicide Notes From A Wedding

      Joaquin Emiliano
     Suicide Notes From A Wedding

Some six months before killing himself, Lucky Saurelius is honor bound to serve as a groomsman at his best friend's wedding. Armed with a rented tux, carton of cigarettes and a bottle of Grey Goose, he strikes out for Pennsylvania. With one last chance to settle his affairs, and no chance of turning things around, Lucky inadvertently resolves to compose the suicide note to end all suicide notes.Lucky Suarelius is running out of time. Out of options. Out of ideas. Out of his mind. Five years after being dumped by his publisher, he now finds himself trapped in Verona, North Carolina. Seven years spent behind the counter of a local sex shop. Girlfriend of eight years now moved on to greener pastures. Sixteen years of rampant alcoholism reaching its limit. Thirty-four years old without a single prospect for thirty-four more.On his thirty-fifth birthday, he will lock himself in a New Orleans motel room, and swallow a bottle of pills with a vodka chaser.But first, there is the small matter of his best friend’s wedding. Armed with a rented tuxedo, carton of cigarettes and a bottle of Grey Goose, Lucky strikes out for Skytop, Pennsylvania. What awaits is a bizarre landscape of estranged friends, wild memories, dangerous fantasies, incestuous confessions, karaoke, keg stands, exquisite hallucinations, drinking games, dragonflies, indifferent bridesmaids, disgruntled locals, open bars, blackouts, fireworks, Chinese vibrators, maraschino cherries, benders, rock n’ rollers, endless failures, infinite bottles of red, and the lingering demons of an unsettled score......Someone should have clearly thought twice before making him a groomsman. Joaquin Emiliano requests the honor of your presence for the surreal, often absurd and always outlandish dictation of Lucky’s final words, as he stumbles towards the end of all things, on this, the sacred occasion of a new beginning.

Read online

  • 1 133

    The Ultimate Animal Joke Book

      Matthew Grant
     The Ultimate Animal Joke Book

Have a laugh with your family and friendsThis book is perfect to read to your family and friends whenever you want to have a laugh with them. The animal jokes however are also great to read at your own leisure!Whether you want to share jokes with your friends and family, or enjoy the jokes peacefully during your breaks, The Ultimate Animal Joke Book is a suitable candidate to add to your stock!The Ultimate Animal Joke BookHave a laugh with your family and friendsThis book is perfect to read to your family and friends whenever you want to have a laugh with them. The animal jokes however are also great to read at your own leisure!Receive the many benefits that developing a person sense of humour can bringAccording to research, encouraging a person to have a good sense of humour can help them grasp unconventional ideas and ways of thinking, help people not take themselves too serious, and make your pal enjoy the more playful aspects of life!Enjoy the many illustrations which complement the Animal JokesThere are many pictures which are not only fun to look at, but also compliment the jokes within this book. Have a laugh on the chipmunks behalf as he/she is getting the mickey told about them, or smile along with the happy whale!Here are some hilarious jokes within this e-bookQuestion: What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?Answer: You can’t tuna fish.Question: Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?Answer: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.Client: “Do you have alligator shoes?”Storeperson: “Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?”Whether you want to share jokes with your friends and family, or enjoy the jokes peacefully during your breaks, The Ultimate Animal Joke Book is a suitable candidate to add to your collection :)!

Read online

  • 1 133

    Assume the Worst: The Graduation Speech You'll Never Hear

      Carl Hiaasen
     Assume the Worst: The Graduation Speech You'll Never Hear

This is Oh, the Places You’ll Never Go–the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate’s future. And what he or she can or can’t do about it. “This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That’s not what you need. You need a warning.” So begins Carl Hiaasen’s attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after reading Assume the Worst, is: Nobody. And who better to illustrate–and with those illustrations, expand upon and cement Hiaasen’s cynical point of view–than Roz Chast, best-selling author/illustrator and National Book Award winner? The answer again is easy: Nobody. Following the format of Anna Quindlen’s commencement address (Being Perfect) and George Saunders’s commencement address (Congratulations, by the way), the collaboration of Hiaasen and Chast might look typical from the outside, but inside it is anything but. This book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it’s also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.

Read online

  • 1 132

    Intragalactic Expo

      Doc Watto
     Intragalactic Expo

At the heart of our galaxy lies the Intragalactic Expo, an exhibition centre promoting tourism between planets. A couple of unlikely travel companions arrive; a slow and steady sloth from Earth being led by an impatient alien girl. Together they meet otherworldly characters along the way and witness the magnificence of mega-structures rivalling the pyramids. Welcome to the Intragalactic Expo.The era of war is over, but what was forged in war will not easily yield to peace. For the crew of the long range survey vessel Sevastopol the legacy of war will find them in the form of a mysterious distress call. In a distant region of space far from help they will have to overcome threats from across the technological and natural spectrum as well as the unexpected dangers carried within if they ever hope to return home.

Read online

  • 1 131

    Duane's Depressed

      Larry McMurtry
     Duane's Depressed

Funny, sad, full of wonderful characters and the word-perfect dialogue of which he is the master, McMurtry brings the Thalia saga to an end with Duane confronting depression in the midst of plenty. Surrounded by his children, who all seem to be going through life crises involving sex, drugs, and violence; his wife, Karla, who is wrestling with her own demons; and friends like Sonny, who seem to be dying, Duane can't seem to make sense of his life anymore. He gradually makes his way through a protracted end-of-life crisis of which he is finally cured by reading Proust's Remembrance of Things Past, a combination of penance and prescription from Dr. Carmichael that somehow works. Duane's Depressed is the work of a powerful, mature artist, with a deep understanding of the human condition, a profound ability to write about small-town life, and perhaps the surest touch of any American novelist for the tangled feelings that bind and separate men and women.

Read online

  • 1 131

    Wicked Appetite

      Janet Evanovich
     Wicked Appetite

For centuries, treasure hunters have been eager to possess the stones, undeterred by their corrupting nature. The list is long — Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Napoleon, to name a few. Now the Stones have found their way to Salem, Massachusetts, and so has Gerwulf Grimoire, adding himself to this rogues’ gallery of power seekers. He’s an uncommonly dangerous man, with a hunger for the forbidden, and a set of abilities that are way beyond ordinary. Abilities that he feels entitle him to possess anything he might desire. That would include Elizabeth Tucker, the woman he needs to find the Stones. She’s freshly transplanted from New York City to Boston’s North Shore. With a new job as pastry chef at Dazzle’s bakery and an old house inherited from her Aunt Ophelia, her life is pretty much on track …until it’s suddenly derailed by a guy named Diesel, a rude monkey, and a ninja cat. Lizzy can handle the monkey and the cat. She’s not sure about Diesel. He’s offering up his own set of unusual talents, promising to protect her from Grimoire. The kind of protection that Lizzy suspects might involve guarding her body day and night. The Seven Deadly Sins are pride, greed, lust, envy wrath, sloth and gluttony. That pretty much covers everything that is wicked. Diesel thinks it also pretty much covers everything that’s fun. And Lizzy thinks Diesel and the Seven Deadly Sins cover everything her mother warned her about.

Read online

  • 1 131

    The Jeeves Omnibus - Vol 1:

      P. G. Wodehouse
     The Jeeves Omnibus - Vol 1:

'It's beats me why a man of his genius is satisfied to hang around pressing my clothes and what not,' says Bertie. 'If I had Jeeves's brain I should have a stab at being Prime Minisiter or something.' Luckily for us, Bertie Wooster manages to retain Jeeve's services through all the vicissitudes of purple socks and policeman's helmets, and here, gathered together for the first time, is an omnibus of Jeeves novels and stories comprising three of the funniest books ever written: Thank You, Jeeves, The code of the Woosters and The Inimirable Jeeves.

Read online

  • 1 131

    Pastoralia

      George Saunders
     Pastoralia

With this new collection, George Saunders takes us even further into the shocking, uproarious and oddly familiar landscape of his imagination. The stories in Pastoralia are set in a slightly skewed version of America, where elements of contemporary life have been merged, twisted, and amplified, casting their absurdity-and our humanity-in a startling new light. Whether he writes a gothic morality tale in which a male exotic dancer is haunted by his maiden aunt from beyond the grave, or about a self-help guru who tells his followers his mission is to discover who's been "crapping in your oatmeal," Saunders's stories are both indelibly strange and vividly real.

Read online

  • 1 131

    SAW - Sensational American Wrestling

      B.A. Savage
     SAW - Sensational American Wrestling

A parody on the sport of televised professional wrestling. Tex Rich, an oil rich Texan, creates his own wrestling federation where his sons can be champions but just like the real show, nothing goes as expected. Full of plot twists, off the wall commercial breaks and colorful characters, S.A.W. is a non-stop laughter filled roller coaster ride.(UPDATE) If you want to HEAR two of the commercials from the book, they are on Youtube now. Working on an audio book version of this book. Coming soon. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzy0D-Vq_evYvQZEns_BtNwA parody on the sport of televised professional wrestling. Tex Rich, an oil rich Texan, creates his own wrestling federation where his sons can be champions but just like the real show, nothing goes as expected. Full of plot twists, off the wall commercial breaks and colorful characters, S.A.W. is a non-stop laughter filled roller coaster ride.Has over the top commercials such as an escort service called Pimps R Us, fast food restaurant Immigration Burger. Colorful characters like James 'Boogie Down' Brown, an albino with a soulful slang tongue; Kaboom, a wrestler who has never won a match cause he always gets dq'ed, Cashless Clayton, who might actually be homeless, etc. Not Howard Stern over the top style but some that the FCC would not allow the WWE to put on T.V. without a fight.THIS IS NOT PART OF THE MCLAUGHLIN CITY SERIES but will have its own series AND does appear throughout the MCLAUGHLIN CITY SERIES in the form of being an 'entertainment commodity' through clothing, tv show in the background, minor character appearances and vice versa. E.G. One of your favorite bad guys makes a minor appearance at the pay per view.

Read online

  • 1 130

    Death in the Australian Outback

      Anthony E Thorogood
     Death in the Australian Outback

A madcap romp where the humour flows non-stop. Elizabeth West, of the Territory Police, arrives at a job interview but the job has already been given to the nephew of a politician. That is not West's only problem, the detectives conducting the interview are as loony as any character in Monty Python's Flying Circus. This is not a serious work of detective fiction but a seriously funny parody.In Death in the Australian Outback the serious detective thriller is completely blown away. In this modern world of climate change, terrorism and ever increasing regulation on the way we think, we need to lighten up. So sit in a comfortable chair, let your hair down, relax, download the book and have a laugh with Elizabeth West at the very crazy, very zany characters of Detective Chief Superintendent Bigfoot and Detective Superintend Chief Littlefoot. For comedy, like sex, one has to be in the mood and as we get older we forget that one of the most enjoyable things in life is to let go and laugh. So liberate those joy releasing happy hormones, set your inner laughter free and have a read. You will be rewarded by entry into a brilliantly crazy and surreal world of madcap cops trying to solve the problems of a madcap world. Reviews: 'The Australian Outback is the backdrop to this first in the Bigfoot series which sees West angling for a job with TURDS. It's packed with misunderstandings, mishaps, bizarre exchanges and loads of laughs. Along with other books about these three stooges, yarns about this zany trio are rapidly becoming a cult series from an author with a seemingly endless fund of crazy ideas and themes. Strongly recommended if you enjoy a good laugh.''Thoroughly enjoyed the book. The character names and departmental names had me giggling away on the train to my dental appointment. I read a lot of crime and thriller books, so it was a nice change to read something that was quite satirical. I would highly recommend this book to anyone that has a wonderfully warped sense of humour like myself.'

Read online

  • 1 130

    Interagency Cooperation

      Jaleta Clegg
     Interagency Cooperation

Tess gets an abrupt introduction to the F.B.I. - Fairyland Border Investigations - when two redcaps cross into Goose Creek and go on a killing rampage.The early morning phone call was disturbing enough. Two murders in the mercantile downtown and it looked like some freaky kind of serial killer. But Tess's day really turns on its head when she receives unexpected help from the F.B.I.—Fairyland Border Investigations. Her killers aren't ordinary cultists or asylum escapees. They're worse, much worse. Insane redcap gnomes won't stop killing until the whole world is painted red in blood. Or until they're stopped by an elf agent and a detective with a little too much Irish in her background.

Read online

  • 1 130

    Sneaky People

      Thomas Berger
     Sneaky People

The time is the 1930s. Buddy Sandifer, dressed in his natty white flannels, baby-blue shirt, striped tie, tan-and-white shoes, and coconut-straw hat with polka-dot band, is falling into one of his moods. Owner of a used-car lot and father of a fifteen-year-old son with a penchant for sex manuals, Buddy has decided to murder his wife and marry his mistress, Laverne, a robust blonde who cooks his favorite meal of fried pork chops, fried potatoes, and fried apples while wearing a short pink apron over black-lace step-ins and brassiere, long-gartered silk stockings, and platform shoes. The only problem is how to arrange the crime.

Read online

  • 1 130