I’m very excited that you’re holding the Kindle edition of
Diary of a Wimpy Kid in your hands.
When I read my first e-book on a Kindle, I was amazed at
the possibilities. Carrying a whole library around with me on a
device I could fit in the palm of my hand? Amazing.
What’s been very rewarding to me as an author has been
seeing kids carrying their dog-eared copies of Diary of a
Wimpy Kid with them. The Kindle allows kids to have the
whole series at their fingertips, and the reading experience
is crisp and clean every time . . . with no chance of today's
breakfast staining the pages.
Thank you for purchasing Diary of a Wimpy Kid on your
Kindle. I hope it gives you lots of laughs and you have as
much fun reading it as I did writing it.
Jeff Kinney
September
Thursday
It’s been almost two and a half weeks since me
and my ex-best friend, Rowley Jefferson, had our
big fight. To be honest with you, I thought he
would’ve come crawling back to me by now, but for
some reason, that hasn’t happened.
I’m actually starting to get a little concerned,
because school starts back up in a few days, and
if we’re gonna get this friendship back on track,
something needs to happen quick. If me and Rowley
really ARE through, that would stink, because
the two of us had a pretty good thing going.
Can I take a
(pant, pant)
rest break?
It’s only,
like, three
more blocks!
Now that our friendship is history, I’m in the
market for a new best friend. The problem is, I
invested all my time in Rowley, and I don’t have
anyone lined up to take his place.
The two best options I have at this point are
Christopher Brownfield and Tyson Sanders. But
each of those guys has his own issues.
I hung out with Christopher for the last few
weeks of the summer, mostly because he’s a really
excellent mosquito magnet. But Christopher is more
of a summertime friend than a school-year friend.
Christopher
Tyson
Ouch!
Swat
2
Tyson is nice enough, and we like the same video
games. But he pulls his pants all the way down
when he uses the urinal, and I don’t know if I
can ever get past that.
The only other kid my age who’s not paired up
with someone is Fregley, but I ruled him out as
best friend material a long time ago.
Hey there,
Greg!
I’ll bet I can fit
your whole foot
in my mouth!
3
Anyway, I’m still keeping the door open a crack
for Rowley, just in case. But if he wants to save
this friendship, he’d better do something fast.
Because the way things stand, he’s not gonna
come out looking very good in my autobiography.
CHAPTER 8
CHILDHOOD
I used to live near this kid. I think his
name was Rupert or Roger or something.
GREG
HEFFLEY
a life
4
Saturday
With my luck, though, I’ll go on to be rich and
famous and Rowley will still find a way to ride
my coattails.
The reason I don’t see things changing between
me and Rowley is because he’s already found himself
a replacement friend. Or to be more accurate, his
parents did.
For the past few weeks Rowley’s been hanging out
with this teenager named Brian.
I Used to Be Friends with
GREG HEFFLEY
by Rowley Jefferson
5
Whenever I go by Rowley’s house, he’s out in his
front yard throwing a football or a Frisbee with a
guy who looks like he’s in high school or college.
Well, I did some poking around and found out
that this Brian guy isn’t just some normal kid
from the neighborhood. He’s part of a company
called “Cool Brian,” which is sort of like a big-
brother-for-hire kind of thing.
In fact, I’d be willing to bet money this guy’s
name isn’t even really Brian.
6
Mom said she thinks the Cool Brian thing is a
great idea because it gives kids a “role model”
they can look up to. That makes me kind of mad
because, the way I see it, I’M Rowley’s role model.
And now Rowley’s parents are paying some guy to
do what I’ve been doing all these years for FREE.
Cool brian
Wholesome
mentors for
growing boys
Hee hee
hee!
Gaaaah!
Trip
7
The thing that really burns me is that Rowley
probably doesn’t even know his parents are paying
this guy to spend time with him. And I don’t think
it would bother Rowley if he DID know the truth.
Today I saw Rowley hanging out with a different
Cool Brian, so Rowley’s regular guy must’ve had the
day off. But I could tell Rowley didn’t even notice.
Today was the first day of school. I don’t want
to jinx things, but it’s looking like this could be a
great year for me.
Tuesday
8
In homeroom we got our textbooks for the
semester. My school can’t afford to get new books
every year, so we usually get hand-me-downs.
But when you get a book that ten kids had
before you, it makes it kind of hard to do any
actual learning.
Usually, I have really bad luck when it comes to
previous book owners. Last year I got a math
book that had belonged to Bryan Goot.
9
And that didn’t exactly up my “cool” factor in
the hallways.
But this year I totally lucked out. When I got
my math book, I found out it used to belong to
Jordan Jury. Jordan Jury is the most popular kid
in the grade above me, so carrying his textbook
around should translate into some MAJOR
popularity points.
Hey, you
got my
book!
10
One reason Jordan is so popular is because he
always has these big blowout parties, and it’s
really hard to get invited. But I figure this
Algebra book could be just the thing I need to
get on his radar.
Speaking of popular kids, I sat near Bryce
Anderson and his group of friends at lunch today.
Bryce is basically the Jordan Jury of my grade,
and he’s got a bunch of cronies who are always
going along with everything h
e says.
Hey, what’s
that high-
pitched noise?
Yeah, I
hear it
too!
Ow!
ow!
11
And those guys are loyal to Bryce no matter how
dumb he makes them look.
See, Bryce Anderson has the right idea. He
doesn’t actually NEED a best friend, because
he’s got a bunch of lackeys who basically worship
him. The reason me and Rowley didn’t make it is
because we were equal partners in our friendship,
and I don’t think that kind of model has a
chance of working out.
At school today I heard Rowley tell some kid he
was going to a rock concert tonight. I admit I
was a little jealous, since I’ve never been to a real
concert myself. But when I found out who was
performing, I was glad I wasn’t invited.
Friday
I’m just kidding.
there’s no high-
pitched noise.
12
Still, it kind of irks me that Rowley is having more
fun than I am. In fact, it seems like EVERYONE
is having more fun than me these days.
There are some kids in my grade who post their
pictures online.
Joshie
scream!
13
And from the looks of things, they’re all having a
WAY better time than I am.
I don’t want people thinking MY life is lame,
so I decided to take some pictures to show how
great things are going for me.
All you really need is a digital camera and a
photo-editing program and you can make it look
like you’re having a total blast.
14
Tonight I was right in the middle of creating
a wild New Year’s Eve party scene when I got
busted by Mom.
15
Oh well. Mom won’t let me post photos on the
computer anyway, because of “privacy” and all
that. Or maybe it’s because she learned her lesson
after letting my older brother, Rodrick, post
HIS pictures.
Rodrick’s been trying to get a job so he can buy a
new drum set, but nobody will hire him. Mom told
him that nowadays employers look up the people
they’re thinking of hiring and that his pictures
are probably hurting his chances.
16
So Rodrick replaced his band pictures with this one—
This year everyone in my grade has to take
Advanced Health, which covers some top-secret
stuff that I guess they didn’t think we were
ready for until now.
In the first few classes, the boys and girls were
mixed together, but today Nurse Powell said she
was gonna split us up. She sent the girls down to
Mrs. Gordon’s room and then she put in a video
for us boys to watch.
Wednesday
17
From what I could tell, the video was at least
thirty years old, so I’m sure Dad watched the
same exact tape when he was my age.
I’m not gonna describe everything that they
showed in the video, because it was actually pretty
disgusting. If you ask me, some of that stuff
doesn’t really belong in a classroom.
Rowley didn’t even make it through the whole
video. He passed out at the two-minute mark when
they said the word “perspiration.”
Say Hello to the
Brand-new you!
(Boys’ Edition)
18
To be honest with you, I don’t know if Rowley’s
ready for this stuff. He’s basically like a little kid. He
told me once that he avoids the older kids at school
because he’s afraid he’s gonna “catch puberty.”
In fact, now that I think about it, I haven’t
seen Cool Brian for a while. So I wonder if
Rowley’s avoiding him, too, because he thinks
he’s contagious.
Boys
19
The same kind of thing happened in last year’s
Health class when they did a smoking unit. The
teacher said that you never know who’s going to
offer you a cigarette, and that it could even be
your best friend.
Well, after Rowley heard THAT, he wouldn’t even
walk on the same side of the street as me for a
solid MONTH.
No!
Shiver
shiver
20
Believe me, I don’t need some teacher to tell ME
it’s not cool to smoke. My grandfather convinced
me of that last year on Thanksgiving.
Anyway, I think Rowley’s just one of those
kids who are always gonna be a few years behind
everyone else maturity-wise. Rowley doesn’t even
know how to tie his shoes yet, because he’s the
kind of person who has Velcro everything.
Rrrip
21
Last year Rowley’s mom bought him sneakers with
laces, and I can’t even tell you how many times I
had to bail him out.
I guess it probably should’ve been a warning sign
that my best friend was impressed that I knew
how to tie my own shoes.
Today I was reading the comics in the newspaper,
and I saw an ad that caught my attention.
It was for Peachy Breeze Ice Cream, and
apparently they’re looking for a new spokesperson.
Thursday
22
Peachy Breeze has those commercials on TV that
run nonstop, with that kid with the freckles and
the high-pitched voice.
Peachy
breeze is
peachy
keen!
Could your child
be the next
Peachy breeze
kid?
Open tryouts at the Liberty
Street Mall this Saturday!
23
The Peachy Breeze Kid used to be kind of cute, but
over the years he’s gotten a little seedy-looking.
So I guess they’re looking for someone to take
his place.
Well, I’d be PERFECT for the role. First of
all, I LOVE ice cream, so it wouldn’t be hard for
me to do the acting part. Second, I would be
willing to miss a lot of school to fulfill my Peachy
Breeze obligations.
And they wouldn’t have to worry about me
getting too old for the part, because I’d take
whatever I needed to take to stop growing.
Peachy
breeze is
peachy
keen!
24
The only stumbling block I can see is that Dad
HATES the Peachy Breeze TV ads because he
thinks the kid is annoying. So I don’t think he’d
be too thrilled if I became their new spokesperson.
Hope you
have a good
day at work!
Groan.
Peachy
breeze is
peachy keen!
25
There’s just something about that kid that gets
on Dad’s nerves. In fact, I think he hates the
Peachy Breeze Kid even more than he hates Li'l
Cutie, which is saying some
thing.
Every time Dad sees a Peachy Breeze commercial on
TV, he writes the Peachy Breeze people an angry
letter saying that the ads drive him crazy and he’ll
never buy any of their products.
A few weeks later, Dad gets a response in the
mail from Peachy Breeze, and it’s always the same
thing: coupons for free ice cream.
Type
Type
Type
26
It’s been going on like this for years, and if
something doesn’t change, we’re gonna have to get
an extra freezer to hold all of our Peachy Breeze
ice cream.
I told Mom about the Peachy Breeze Kid contest
last night, and she said it seemed like an “exciting
opportunity.” But it turns out she was thinking of
my little brother, Manny, when she said that.
In fact, this morning Mom and Manny were
ready to take off for the audition without me,
but I caught them just in time.
Saturday
Wait
up!
27
Mom seemed surprised that I wanted to be
the Peachy Breeze Kid and said I might be
“too old” for the part. At first I thought
that was ridiculous, but when I saw my
competition at the mall, I could kind of see
where she was coming from.
I figured I could charm the judges and get the
job anyway. Plus, I had an edge, because I was
the only kid trying out who could read a cue card.
There must’ve been two hundred kids in line, and
I realized that if I wanted the job, I was
gonna have to come up with some sort of gimmick.
So I decided I’d jump up and click my heels
together when I said the Peachy Breeze slogan.
Tryouts
28
But when it was finally my turn to go, things
didn’t work out the way I’d planned.
I knew my chances of getting the part weren’t
good when the casting people sent me out the
door without even asking my name.
Peachy breeze