Unspoken Love during the Vietnam War
By Zero
Copyright by Zero
The day began as so many have done
And I now tell this tale of woe to you.
A tale that darks my heart like some dead sun
That spins through the universe’s void hue.
This my tale, if you excuse the pun,
Is one that will follow me my life through,
This incident did change my attitude
About a society that I thought crude.
The pain I have, when I tell you this tale,
Is one that no man could have want of.
But I am glad and hope I do not fail
In telling you about a man’s deep love
While upon an ocean that he did sail,
Off to a war that man was forced to be drove
In a battle that will never prove just
In a Navy that can never be trust.
Across a passive sea we all were sent,
Upon a gray monster, that we embarked,
To sail to Vietnam with dread intent,
To kill and harm in seas that were dark
With fear, to fight for something never meant,
Which would upon the U.S. leave a mark
Which scars her name, with what she did,
And many men shall never - her forgive.
Those old rusty bulkheads painted so gray
Will forever be imprinted in my mind,
And I shall always remember one day
That lifted a veil from my eyes so blind
By societies sightless, misjudged way,
Of how man can really love his own kind.
There we lived off the coast a short distance
For we lived a nautical existence.
I woke that day while Venus was still bright
To take a quarter-deck watch in dark hue.
I stood to watch the suns early born light
To break across the oceans crescent blue,
The cool brisk breeze did blow its gentle might
To spray my face with the oceans salt dew.
This day was much the same as all before
And waves did splash the hull with constant roar.
The bells did sound their call to reveille
And all the ship did wake ‘cept those that sleep
From midnight watch in a hammock like tree
That swayed because the ship did slowly creep
And then my breakfast relief came to me,
For from the galley I could smell that reek
Of shit-on-the-shingle or beef on toast,
I ate and then did return to my post.
There I was alone while I stood my duty,
Alone I say among five thousand men,
While memories of home kept coming to me
Of people I loved, for I needed them
To comfort me on this ungodly sea,
Like a child clinging to its mothers hem,
For each day the ache in my heart increased,
Like the hunger of some poor fasting priest.
Buzz! Buzz! The General Quarters did sound,
The mighty rush of men I did then feel,
For each one had his station to be found,
Then a roar in my ears came to me shrill,
The deck did shake like an earth quaking ground,
A tight explosive crack weakened my will
And brief visions of death then brought me fears
With some memories, from my child hood years.
For it is true when one just misses death
Their life will flash before their very eyes,
For fear made me think I drew my last breath
And I was confused and slow to realize
We had just been given, Vietnams wrath,
For out of the blue air, had come the shell
That tried to send me to an early hell.
I then made my way to my GQ bill
As one of the hose men to fight a fire,
I turned the corner, the heat I could feel,
And this shot my adrenaline higher,
I totally lost my judgment and will
When I discovered just what had been hit,
There in the gun turret a fire was lit.
The range of a fire to near ammunition
Might explode once more if the heat got high,
And I stepped back with sane intuition
Until I saw somebody rushing by
Alarms in my ears my mind in confusion,
And then a quick thought that made my heart fly
For twenty eight men where one deck below
And if they lived - I did not know.
I waited to see just what might be done,
As my eyes came to rest upon a man
That had sped bye like some wolf on the run,
Chasing predators from present claimed land,
Smoke belched from the door like rays from the sun
The man came still with a fire axe in hand
For there he stood momentarily placid
Beneath the number four gun so massive.
His face was rough, his brow tight and hard,
Sweat pasted his short brown hair to his head,
A kinky beard hid his cheek that was scared
With memories of some early life led,
Two piercing brown eyes stood stately their guard
Deep in dark sockets like some underfed,
His nose was straight and his nostrils were flared
And it felt strange to see how much he cared.
The chambray shirt all drenched in his sweat
Had upon the sleeve a second class crow,
Probably a boatswain mate I would bet,
But this was something I did not know
As his six foot body trembled with fret
I could feel from him a feeling grow
A kind of unexplained emotion here
Beaming out from his darken fear.
The ships First Lieutenant I next did spy
Beneath a forecastle starboard side
With a set of headphones hooked round his head,
“Hey! You with the axe, get away,” he said.
The man with the axe looked as if he died
And then he yelled “those men might be dead,
There are men down there - we can't stand here,”
His body shook with rage and fear.
“The Old Man ordered the hole to be flood
To put out that goddamn fire right away,
Now don't think about them - it ain’t your blood.”
Was what I heard the First Lieutenant say,
As I stood mute like some blank faced dud,
That scene is vivid even to this day,
The Lieutenant said “away from that door
We can't afford to lose anymore.”
I can still see that khaki turd's surprise
When the man with the axe said, “fuck the old man!”
With passionate hate embed in his eyes,
Then the Boats cried, “if he can't help I can;
Don't he care if anybody dies,
Who’s the hell’s he - god of this land!”
His voice shook his body with rage
He was only twenty-six years of age.
There I watched the destruction of a man
For beneath that hardened, cold rigid brow
Lay a mind with the heart that ran,
And do you wonder me to tell just how
So hard a man can be a soft woman?
I learned there in the darkness of the ships bow
You must realize love is not masculine
And the Boatswain’s strife is feminine.
That Boatswain Mates’ reaction formation
Would be opposite of what he was told,
His venial brow showed his hearts pulsation
With vascular bulges making him old.
I could see he planned those men’s salvation
For much like the fire did his rage burn bold,
He broke the heats seal to the devils’ hatch
With a speed Mercury could not have match.
The gray black smoke burped out its stinking smell
While a crew stood and watched this mortal scene
For five men came to help this man rebel,
And I - feeling like I'd just done codeine,
Moved forward toward that living hell,
A sight you would wish you had never seen,
For I was one of those rebellious five
To follow Boats to see who was still alive.
We donned oxygen breathing apparatus
While a mass of men stood staring,
And none more came forth to offer to us
The aid we did need or offer to bring
Any firefighting gear, for it was thus
The work - we as aspirants, had understanding,
For Boats had a clear personality force,
Purified and transmitted to us love’s source.
Boats led the way into that pitted fire
And we five followed wearing those death mask,
Now, remembering is the horrifier,
For telling you is not an easy task
And the telling turns me into a crier,
For I still sometimes in those flames bask.
I shall go on, though it tears me apart,
And creates a pain in my throat and my heart.
We could see the dark in the passage,
Lights within had been ordered turned out,
We could hear the sound of a fiery rage,
And deep within my mind was fear and doubt.
I felt like a beggar facing a sage,
We switched on our hat lights to look about
There on the deck lay the hatch to below
A hole where we were destined to go.
It was